Put A Cork In It

Moo.

Everyone poops. And burps. And farts.

Cows do it more than you or even I do.

Cow with Its Legs CrossedThe California Air Resources Board wants to slash cow methane emissions by 40%. The CARB strategy plans to regulate improved manure management practices, new diets for cattle, and what they call “gut microbial interventions.” California legislators are currently considering a bill to enforce these suggested regs.

I’ve heard of cow “tipping” but never of exploding cow balloons.

These political “scientists” have too much time on their hands. I’m thinking they don’t like farms very much.

I like Argentina’s idea better. That cattle-based economy would strap large collectors onto cows to trap methane. Bleed it off. Burn it for energy. Maybe California legislators plan to sell all their cows to Argentina.

I suspect the cows would rather wear a backpack than a butt plug, too.

 

Picture This

I’ve been looking for a “supertelephoto” lens for a while because I want to be able to sneak up on shots like this without having to squint. I decided on a 400 mm “prime” lens — a photographic lens with a single, fixed focal length, as opposed to the often more popular zoom lens. You have to work harder with a prime lens but they are generally sharper and lighter than zooms. Here’s Canon’s description of the one that chose me:

Photographers can use the Canon EF 400 mm telephoto UD ultra-clear lens for total sharpness in each photo. Both a manual focus and an auto-focus help photographers get the focus they want, from artistic blurs to vivid clarity. The focus is easily adjusted with a smooth turning diaphragm in manual mode. The Canon EF 400 mm is made in a lightweight design weighing only 44 oz for easy travel and long hours of use. This telephoto camera lens is compatible with Canon EF design cameras. This Canon camera lens also features a 400 mm length for super close-up telephoto photography. A f/5.6 aperture is ideal for general photography in many different light settings. As a fixed focal length lens with a built-in hood to reduce flare, the Canon EF 400 mm lens helps photographers shoot outside at long ranges in both bright or dimly lit environments. With a two-element design, this Canon camera lens can produce sharp clear images. The telephoto camera lens is multi-coated to reduce glare, aberration, and discoloration.

It is, bar none, the best lens of its size in the world. (44 ounces, by the way, is less than three pounds which is seriously light in a world where a similar zoom lens weighs twice that.) Now I just had to wait for one to come along that I could afford.

Canon 400mm f/5.6 Prime Telephoto Lens“This lens will NEVER win a beauty contest,” the seller wrote. “It has several exterior scratches and scrapes. The glass is in excellent condition. Package includes case (also has seen better days), both end caps and original box.” She even offered Free UPS Shipping, insured.

I wondered if the lens has ever been dropped? Any graunch or grind in the focus? Dust or mold?

“I have never dropped the lens. I bought the lens used, and can’t speak to its history. I’ve used it for 2 years now and have moved up to a 100-400. The focus is smooth and fast and there is no visible dust or mold on the glass.”

These are sample photos taken with a Canon EF 400mm f/5.6 L prime lens and two different camera bodies. As Ken Rockwell is fond of reminding us, L simply means “expensive as L.” I mixed it up taking the test shots, using a Canon 5DMkII and a Canon 6D. I tried both handheld and on two different tripods.

Tattered Canadian National and Quebec Provincial FlagsThe lens is better than I am. I was up in Canada and took this shot of the Canadian and Quebec flags on a quay in Baie Missisquoi. I was on a low tripod, shooting with a 6D and just far enough away that the tattered flags filled the frame. No cropping.

That’s a salable image. I’ll contribute the profits from the first sale toward new flags for that pole.


Fishing Is Hard, Hard WorkI panned around to a fisherman working very, very hard at his craft. I was on the low tripod, shooting with a 6D and just far enough away that the fisherman filled the frame. No cropping. I counted the hairs on his arm. I then backed away to capture the inset. (The original inset is just as sharp as the closeup, but it loses some since I resampled it for this file.)


Abandoned Bus and House TrailerSame thing here. Do you suppose this is an abandoned one room schoolhouse and transportation system? I was close enough to the bus and house trailer that I could have used less lens. I used the same low tripod, shooting with the 6D. I cropped the height.

I try always to ask permission to shoot onto private land, even if I’m shooting from a public road. That’s a salable image although the owner was pretty confused that I wanted it.


The float and slide are off a small point 4,400 feet out and the shoreline with trees in their far background are 11-12,000 feet out from my own dock. Same part of the lake as the Canadian photos but a mile south of the border. I used the same low tripod, shooting with a 6D. I’m not sure yet if the softness is shutter tremor or heat shimmer.


I took this shot handheld with a 5DMkII at 7:57 p.m. EDT, 19 minutes before sunset, with ISO 1250, 1/1600 @ f/8, manual focus. The colors are real. I wanted the paddlers who were out about 10-11,000 feet from me. What I got, if you look at the ridge line and maybe biggify it a lot, are 35 of the wind turbines of Marble River Wind Farm in Altona, NY. That’s almost due west of North Puffin about 40.5 miles as the Canada Goose flies. I have never ever seen those windmills from here before.

I probably can’t sell this but it’s still a helluva pitcher!


I thought I was ready for this big lens but my results show I was only half right. It is tack sharp and hellaciously good at a couple hundred feet. I’m having real trouble at a couple miles.

So far, I’m using the common sense tools I already knew to do. I used fast shutter speeds, a shutter release, and my new-to-me tripod. I tried it as a monopod but got a lot of motion. I locked up the mirror. This Lens doesn’t have Image Stabilization. I tightly frame as much as is possible with a prime lens. And I did use the very shallow depth of field to advantage on the closer shots.


Stuff I’ve learned so far:

It turns out that these long, heavy lenses are much steadier if you use heavy stuff as vibration dampening. One photographer suggests laying your arms, hands, and even face right on the tripod mounted lens. Others hang their gadget bags on the tripod hook to anchor them. Maybe both.

improvephotography.com notes that “Increasing the ISO also dramatically reduces the visible detail in the photo.” We all know that high ISO speeds add noise to photos although most digital cameras filter that out. I suspect those very filters also are what smoosh the details.

Ken Rockwell writes, “Unless you absolutely need depth of field, avoid apertures smaller than f/8. The resolving power of a modern digital SLR is so great that you will soften your images by stopping down unnecessarily. This is why many point-and-shoot cameras don’t stop down past f/8.” I’ll be darned. I didn’t notice a lot of softening between f/8 and f/14 but it was there.


This lens has scratches and scrapes and scruffy, scruffy paint, but the glass, the glass is in excellent shape. Looks like a winner to me. Once I get in some more practice time.

 

I Love It When a Plan Comes Together

Sometimes you just can’t plan for nights like this. Another North Puffin tale.

Jazz mesmerized our North Puffin Town Park last night as we continued the 26th year of free outdoor concerts with Jenni Johnson and the Jazz Junketeers.

The forecast called for a pretty good chance of rain across Vermont last evening. That’s a bad thing for an outdoor concert.

I obsessed over the radar yesterday as I do but we got lucky: it was clear and sunny all day. The rain had gotten only as far north as Ticonderoga by 5 p.m. and was pretty well trapped between Route 2 and Route 4 (the central third of Vermont) for the later afternoon and evening. By the time the concert ended, it was still raining in southern New England but the Vermont rain had pushed across New Hampshire into Maine. I figured there was a small chance we’d get a little from the storms coming up the Adirondacks but we didn’t even get that although there is finally some light rain here as I write this.

That should be enough for a great evening but wait! There’s more!

An international entertainer, Jenni has sung jazz, blues, and funk since her own teen days in New York City. She spent the 1980s on musical projects in Houston and Boston including her own Billie Holiday Story. She launched her Jazz Junketeers in 1989 to sing the jazz and blues standards by her favorite African-American artists. Now she remains an active touring artist who has played more of our Summer Sounds concerts — and picked on me more — than any other performer.

During the first set, I spotted Verne Colburn in the audience. Verne was the longtime director of Bellows Free Academy music, an incredible Jazz pianist, and beloved in northwestern Vermont. He turned 80 in April. I popped onto the stage (we’re very informal here in North Puffin) and asked Jenni to throw a song out to him.

Jenni did what Jenni does. “Verne is in the house,” she sang and she kept doing it until he came up on stage. Turns out he and Jenni’s keyboard player, Kent Baker, are old friends, so Kent turned the keys over and Verne soloed with the band on Fly Me to the Moon.


Jenni and Verne Flew Me to the Moon

As an aside, Verne has played for every Cardiac Capers hospital benefit since the beginning and hopes to again this Fall.

Oh. You want more?

Last season, we started introducing the musicians who will create the future of Summer Sounds. These young performers are our opening acts or, as last night, our “middle acts.”

Jaylin Seaman took over the mic for a short set of modern songs as well as a couple of show tunes and wowed the crowd again.

“That girl is headed to Broadway,” Jenni said.

Yeppers. Jaylin plays Helen in Dream at the Spotlight Black Box Theater starting next week. Based on Shakespear’s romantic comedy, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Dream is a magical musical retelling but set in present day Central Park, New York City. It features Broadway’s Robi Hager and members of the Vermont Musical Theater Academy.

Local community groups host our concerts with a social that usually includes munchies, grilled foods, or desserts. Last night Taylor Hall led an MVUHS group raising funds for a school trip to the presidential inauguration. They had a new table of actual food. I smartly extracted a promise that they would take no tomatoes to Washington, though.

Two of Jenni’s “Junkettes” closed the show with Jenni on Mustang Sally. The Junkettes are four of Highgate’s own young people who have grown up dancing and singing to Jenni’s performances here. Here they are in 2009.


Jenni and the Junkettes back in 2009

Now they’re all growed up and in college.


Jenni and the Junkettes last night

Nope. Can’t plan for a night like that.

 

New Tricks

Food for thought…

Yes, you can.

I grew up on Skippy Peanut Butter and Kraft Mayonnaise.

No, not in the same sandwich although I am partial to peanut butter and raisins.

Anyway, I like mayonnaise and use it on things that need it, like eggs and chicken and tuna and in cole slaw dressing. And it can get the gum out of your hair. Not Miracle Whip, though. Never Miracle Whip. Eeeew.

Miracle Whip tastes funny and is probably evil.

My neighbors cleaned out their fridge into mine when they headed north. One of the bonus materials is an open jar of Miracle Whip.

Hmm. I’m out of mayo and here’s this free jar of the spawn of the devil.

Turns out one can make a darned good chicken sandwich on sourdough with a little mouse cheese, a slice of tomato, and Miracle Whip.


Yes, you can.

I’ve long thought Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-FL) was pretty typical of our more than slightly bent South Florida politicians and about the best the Democratic National Committee could find as party chair. After all, even the liberal stalwart Politifact rated her public pronouncements as ranging from half truths to having her pants on fire more than half the time.

Slice, dice, and spread on bread.

Turns out one can make a darned good career just whipping up a Miracle. It’s a good recipe for Ms. Clinton who put Ms. Wasserman Schultz on staff.


Yes, you can.

“I had made some carnitas so I had that with corn tortillas and a little salad for supper,” Liz Arden told me last night. Literally “little meats,” this pulled pork-style dish originated in Mexico. Carnitas “are made by braising or simmering pork in oil or preferably lard until tender. The process takes three to four hours and the result is very tender and juicy meat, which is then typically served with chopped coriander leaves and diced onion, salsa, guacamole, tortillas, and refried beans.” Some recipes add a little lime juice and I like to add Key lime.

I thought she didn’t like cilantro?

We served turkey-and-“cheese” sandwiches with mayo at the concert last night. That was a mistake. Not the mayo; that was fine. Processed cheese is a food product made from cheese and, more than likely, other unfermented dairy by-products plus emulsifiers, vegetable oils, salt, food colorings, and more. Store brand “Singles” may well leave out the cheese and anything else that came from a cow. The package I bought tasted like it had some cow by-products, just ones that came from the wrong end of the cow.

Turns out one can make a darned good turkey and cheese sammie. I’ll peel the “singles” out and put real cheese in the remainder before I eat another, you betcha.

Fortunately, we had good cake.

 

Irksome Revelation

Longtime San Antonio Spurs star Tim Duncan retired last week. The 40-year-old forward was one of the oldest players on the court; he had spent his entire 19-year NBA career on the Spurs. “It wasn’t any fun any more,” he said.

You can be washed up as a basketball player at 30 or as a race car driver by 50 but the Stones and Chicago and show you can still be a rock star at 70.

Robert Lamm who may be the youngest of the old rockers is the old man of Chicago; he was born in 1944. There’s a long list. Mick Jagger was born in 1943. Paul McCartney, Al Jardine and Brian Wilson (born 1942). Eric Burdon, Paul Simon and Artie Garfunkel (born 1941). Ringo (born 1940). Dion (born 1939). And Leonard Cohen, forced by finances to go back on tour in 2008, was born in 1934.

Chuck Berry (born 1926) will perform his 207th show at Blueberry Hill in his native St. Louis on August 13.

“So do you think you should’ve been a rock star?” SWMBO asked. “With the drugs, sex, fame, fortune and all that annoying crap? Because you want to be on the road at 70?”

Jeez. Sex, fame, fortune. When you put it that way…

The full Social Security benefit age — the unofficial official retirement age in the U.S. — is 66 for people born in 1943-1954; it gradually rises to 67 for those born in 1960 or later.

Huh. I turn 67 this week so I did the “fun” test, too. First I had to list what I actually do. Alphabetically, of course.

  • Goof off
  • Invent stuff
  • Keep an Arts Council going
  • Photograph stuff
  • Renovate houses
  • Repair houses
  • Run a small business with engineering and IT clients
  • Stage concerts
  • Travel
  • Write other stuff

I like to be on stage but I never wanted to be a rock star. My hands aren’t big enough to hold a basketball but I never wanted to play ball. I was a race car driver and would still do it if someone would pay me but it’s tough to win as we get older.

Upside Down Camaro Races at LeMonsDangerous, too. Ove Andersson was a Swedish rally driver and the first head of Toyota’s F1 program who died at 70 in a vintage rally crash in South Africa. Bob Akin, journalist, television commentator, and champion sports car driver, was killed at 66 in a crash while testing a Nissan GTP for the Walter Mitty Challenge. J. D. McDuffie, 52, died in a crash at the Glen. Dale Earnhardt was almost 50 when he died in a crash at Daytona. Neil Bonnett died at 47 when he returned to racing after retiring.

Still, Morgan Shepherd took the wheel of the Number 52 Toyota at age 71 and became the oldest driver ever to start a race in NASCAR’s Sprint Cup series and became the second-oldest NASCAR Cup winner (after Harry Gant) when he won in Atlanta at the age of 51. He had made his Cup debut in 1970 but, even with no chance to grab a competitive ride, he still has no plans of slowing down.

OK, no slowing down, just changing direction.

  • I’ve already spent entirely too much time doing Windows 10 upgrades this month and didn’t have any fun. Some of my IT clients have already retired and I have now passed all but one of the rest to a really great shop in St Albans. Cool. IT Department will close this year.
  • I like goofing off. Keep.
  • Ditto inventing stuff, photographing stuff, renovating stuff, traveling, and writing other stuff. I should do more of that and improve the workflow so I have time to do #2.
  • I’m ready. If I never have to fix anything in an old house again, I’d have time to do #2 and #3.
  • I like the arts and enjoy the people but I’m not in North Puffin enough any more to do it justice.

Volunteer Chief Cook and Bottle Washer Needed
Longtime local arts service organization chair is stepping down. The search starts now. Inquire within.

“When I start hitting the wall or something, then maybe it’s time to get out,” Mr. Shepherd told Sports Illustrated in 2013.

Morgan Shepherd gives us all hope innit. Maybe we could race a little again, too?