Premte Peeves

September 2, 2010 by Dick.

Why is it that TSA won’t let one sealed, 12-ounce can of Pepsi™ through the security check-in but a woman with a double decker cart of cased soda bottles sails right through?

Why is the Brother HL-2170W printer Quick Start Guide 12% larger than the entire User’s Guide?

Note to VTRANS (the Vermont Department of Transportation): a huge, blinking, traffic sign that reads “BRIDGE WORK BEGINS” is a great idea. A huge, blinking, traffic sign that reads “BRIDGE WORK BEGINS 9/2” is far more useful.

Posted in Dick's Dumps | 2 Comments »

Your Bank or Mine?

January 16, 2009 by Dick.

Not one, single, solitary Congressional pension has been affected by the two trillion dollar loss of American retirement funds on Wall Street.

Not one.

Think about that.

Posted in Throw Da Bums Out, Society, Politics & News, Dick's Dumps, Random Access | 2 Comments »

Bombing Out

December 8, 2008 by Dick.

I was not even alive — heck, I was not even a gleam in my daddy’s eye — when the Japanese Imperial forces bombed Pearl Harbor on December 7, the Day that was expected to Live in Infamy. But I know what day it was.

Sunday, not today, was the 67th anniversary of that memorable day. Ceremonies were held around the country yesterday. On the actual day. So why are most media reporting it today? Why did most media not report it yesterday?

I guess that fits with our desire to make everything a Monday holiday. Monday is a slow news day, innit, but still…

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I’m sure some news outlets did cover the day on the day. None of the ones I saw or heard did. I’m on a rant here; don’t confuse me with the exceptions.

Posted in Quickies, Media, Dick's Dumps | 4 Comments »

Toilet Paper

October 6, 2008 by Dick.

The University of Vermont announced recently that it will “go green,” at least in the toilet paper department. The college has eschewed the once-beloved super puffy Charmin in favor of an unbleached, 100% recycled fiber product approved by the Forest Crimes Unit, a student group.

I have a long, personal history with toilet paper but not as long as my dad did. He went to work for Scott Paper Company right out of college, exactly one week before I was born. He toiled in Export Sales for Scott until 1968.

He was a company man through and through. We used ScotTissue and Scotties and even ScotTowels which are pretty bad paper towels. He once tore up a box of [Kleenex] he found in the home of a manufacturer’s rep who sold Scott products in Africa. Now, of course, Kimberly Clark owns Scott. Despite that, I still use ScotTissue because it is the most benign product for septic tanks. I like the price, too, although the size of the “squares” (they are actually rectangles now) gets smaller and smaller.

Scott Paper brought the first rolls of toilet paper to market. The company was founded in 1879 by brothers E. Irvin and Clarence Scott who specialized in producing paper for privies and later for toilets. At first they purchased paper and tissue from outside suppliers, then cut, rolled and packaged the paper.

Early Scott advertisements suggested that “over 65% of middle-aged men and women suffered from some sort of rectal disease.” Inferior toilet paper, the ads proclaimed, was responsible because “harsh toilet tissue may cause serious injury.”

Kids have no sense of history.

You, dear reader, may wonder why I wrote about toilet paper instead of the “bailout” this week. Simple. I thought I could avoid weighing in again on this (latest)(greatest) Congressional financial scam. After all, I’m not an economist. I’m not a national expert. I don’t even have a mortgage.

OK, that last is not entirely true but it is a small, fixed rate note with a good bank that is not in trouble. It has about 5 years left on its term.

One of the pundits said the Congress critters don’t want to “reward bad business behavior.”

Horse puckey. Congress critters do that all the time, for themselves and for anyone whose sphere of influence they inhabit. The bankers and other financial peeps lied, cheated, and stole. Period. Their actions–and this latest bailout–has put three generations of Harper magic in the crapper while said financiers walk off with the perfume. Writing about toilet paper makes more sense than anything else you see on teevee.

These kids have no sense of history, but I repeat myself.

Posted in Banking, Business, Politics & News, Dick's Dumps, Random Access | 2 Comments »

Do the Math

September 29, 2008 by Dick.

Lordy Lordy™. Do the math, people.

Oh.

Wait.

It isn’t math. It’s simple arithmetic.

Under the subject line, A Bail Out Plan That Works, I’ve been subjected to about 14 repeats today alone of the following bright idea:

I’m against the $85,000,000,000 bailout of AIG.

Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in “We Deserve It Dividend.”

To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.

So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion that equals $425,000.00.

My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a “We Deserve It Dividend” …

It goes on from there.

I’m all for giving $700,000,000,000 to individual Americans in “We Deserve It” dividends (as long as it’s your money) but do the math, people.

85 billion dollare:	$85,ØØØ,ØØØ,ØØØ
divided by 200 million peeps	2ØØ,ØØØ,ØØØ
=	$425 per person

Maybe we should put the $85 million into our elementary schools instead of Wall Street.

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And speaking of Wall Street, the yahoos in Congress blocked the bailout today (September 29, 2008).The DOW is down about 777 points, the largest one day point drop ever. Anybody want to guess how many Congress Critters are buying stock right now because they know, absolutely know, the market will soar when the package passes.Wouldn’t you? After all, we’re talking more than 10% right now for a few days “work.”

I love politics. It is so enriching.

Congress wants to make sure nobody on Wall Street gets rewarded for this mess. Do you suppose we could take away Congress’ parachutes and severance?

Lordy Lordy™.

Posted in Stupidity, Banking, Society, Politics & News, Dick's Dumps, Random Access | No Comments »