February 1, 2010 by Dick.

Missy and Biff spent a couple of days with us last week. They drove up from North Carolina in Missy’s prized 1993 Cadillac Allante, one of the last to roll off the world’s longest assembly line.

The Allante was Cadillac’s first try at building ultra-luxury roadsters in decades. Pininfarina designed and built the bodywork in Italy. GM loaded the completed bodies, 56 at a time, into 747s for the 3,300 mile trip to Hamtramck, Michigan, for final assembly. In the end they built only about 3,000 of the cars each year. Missy’s has the potent Northstar V8, “road sensing” suspension, and vastly better brakes. Unlike the earlier models, it handles reasonably well in addition to being easy on the eyes.

We all went honky tonking in upstate New York on what should have been their last night here. Missy and Biff had driven up so we could all attend a friend’s sixtieth birthday party across the Lake, a fund raiser for a good cause, in a Grange Hall out back of beyond. Our friend has built a life around music so there were great bands and lots of impromptu music making.

We caravanned over. Upstate New York has some towns that even Google Earth has never found. We had to drive on back roads, the Northway, more back roads, over a snowmobile bridge, and through a couple of fields to get to the Grange Hall. Plowboy Willie Lindner was there, doing the mashed potato on the dance floor, and everyone had brought a dish to share. Many of the folks who came to sing and dance are vegetarians. Many of the entrees were beans, the musical fruit.

We drove back to North Puffin after the party; Missy and Biff grabbed a motel room and expected to drive South the next day. They awoke to find a pool of green anti-freeze melting the snow around the Allante.

Triple A towed them to the Bubba Brothers’ Garage.

The Bubbarage had been an upstate institution for three generations. Started by George and Sam Bubba when they mustered out in 1946, the two-bay garage built a strong following among returning vets and hot rodders. They added two bays when George’s sons joined them. The “boys,” George Junior and Billy Paul, brought the four bay into the computer age and sent Junior’s kids to ASE classes. The youngest Bubbas, George III (known as “G”) and Bobby Sam are both ASE certified Master Techs; they learned hot rodding from Grampa George and tractor repair from the farmers down the street. Best shop upstate.

New York Assemblyman Vinnie Alonso (D-Lehman Brothers) finessed the Motor Automotive Fixed Inspection Access Retirement Fund Act of 2009 through the state legislature. The Act required that all state inspection licensees and the associated repair facilities accept state-redistributed TARP money to assure each operation had sufficient capital to maintain vehicle safety and to bring the stations up to state standards. The new law also mandated that the state take a majority position in each station or that each station be held by an approved owner as designated by the legislation. The current Bubba Brothers wanted no part of that so their family garage changed hands (to Mr. Alonso) last fall.

Here is Missy’s note about what came next.

“The tow truck guy didn’t know the garage had changed hands, so he was praising these guys to the roof. I should have known something was really wrong when a one-eyed mechanic showed us to this broken down camper-trailer he used for a waiting room.

“About three hours after we got there, Mr. Alonso came out wiping his hands on a greasy shop rag. I found out later that he used the rag the same way that woman uses flour in the Rice Krispy Treats commercial. He never actually looked at a car. Anyway, he said it surely looked like we had a cracked block and we’d have to replace the engine.

“‘I can give you a good deal on a nice Chevy engine,’ he told us. ‘Probably have it in the car and running by Thursday.’

“Biff had popped the hood at the motel. He wiggled the water pump shaft and saw that the pump housing was cracked. He told Mr. Alonso to check that first. Mr. Alonso wrung out his shop rag and disappeared for three more hours. We were looking at another night in the motel and were about to call you to come get us.”

‘I think you may be right about the water pump.’ Mr. Alonso said when he came back. ‘I’m not sure exactly what kind of car it is, ma’am, so I just don’t know how long it will take to get the parts.’

“We told him it was a Cadillac.”

‘That’s American, right? Good. I have a friend with a junkyard up the road a piece. Maybe he’ll have the parts.’

I called the Bubba household for some insight into the story. Fortunately, they still did a little shade tree work so they were able to have the AAA truck bring them the Allante. The Cadillac dealer had a pump in stock; they got Missy and Biff on the road a couple of hours later. Their total bill was less than $400 including welding the motor mount Mr. Alonso’s wife’s nephew had broken disassembling the water pump.

“That weasel Vinnie Alonso’s a politician, ya know. Doesn’t even know how to fill his own gas tank. There must be a moral in this story somewhere, doncha think?” G. Bubba asked me.

Posted in Government Motors, Business, Politics & News, Random Access | 4 Comments »

December 28, 2009 by Dick.

The ups and downs of the decade. We made a bunch of great closeout deals but this column has room for only a few. Here are the top nine of 2009:

The downside: We may not have changed many of the Old Guard of pols but we surely did change how they do business inside the Beltway. They no longer throw billions of We the OverTaxedPeople’s dollars at problems.
The upside: Now they throw trillions.

Hoo wee. That’s change we can believe in!

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The downside: President Obama (praise be his name) stole General Motors from its rightful owners (that would be small stockholders like thee and me) and put Ed “I Came from the Phone Company So I Don’t Know Anything about Cars” Whitacre in charge.
The upside: Thanks to the soybean lobby, your new Chevy Condescension will be the first model to come with tofubags instead of the dangerous and expensive airbags as well as the new OnStar-by-AT&T. Rumors that OnStar service will also be available on your iPhone have not proven out.

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The downside: Democrats were appalled when President Obama nominated Senator Judd Gregg, R-NH, as his Secretary of Commerce. The U.S. Department of Commerce fosters, promotes, and develops business and industry. Democrats called Senator Gregg “too pro-business.”
The upside: Caroline Cartwright of Great Britain was arrested for noise levels that ranged between 30 and 40 decibels, with some squeaks “being 47 decibels” during sex. Bird calls are generally 44 dB.

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The downside: Congress passed without reading a $787 billion “stimulus package” that, instead of stimulating We the OverTaxedPeople who provided the money, all went for swine flu shots to bankers. Vermont had a looming two hundred million dollar budget deficit so the Democratically controlled legislature there decided to spend three hundred million dollars of its portion of that G.R.A.F.T. Act windfall to “stabilize” its budget. Since that wasn’t enough, the Democratically controlled legislature also raised taxes by $24 million dollars in order to make up for the revenue shortfall.
The upside: The Nobel Committee awarded the Peace Prize posthumously to Michael Jackson.

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The downside: The Environmental Protection Agency ruled that political science trumps actual science as a danger to human health and to the environment.
The upside: Millions of people flocked to Al Gore’s house in the Belle Meade neighborhood of Nashville where his Christmas decorationsand the upturned smiling faces were photographed from the International Space Station.

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The downside: Just two years ago, world leaders of 193 countries pledged to reverse the course of climate change in Denmark this year. When the hot air cleared in Copenhagen this month, there were two inches of snow on the ground, two pounds of faked “global warming” emails, and $200 billion dollars in a Global Relief fund. Guess who they want to pick up the tab?
The upside: Each world leader flew to Denmark in one or more private airliners thus reducing the worldwide surplus of Jet A and Jet A-1 petroleum-based fuels.

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The downside: In a strange coincidence, the International Olympic Committee also meeting in Copenhagen voted not to award the 2016 Summer Olympics to Chicago for fear that a fire in former Governor Rod Blagojevich’s hair might undermine the new “pay to play” Olympic game category.
The upside: The one billion dollar Cash for Clunkers program which cost three billion dollars left an estimated 643,000 1974 Ford Pintos on Illinois and Michigan highways as entry level vehicles for migrant farmers and high school students.

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The downside: The Environmental Protection Agency said it will increase the percentage of ethanol in gasoline to 15% by next June. Ethanol producers and most newspapers say the higher blends will increase fuel economy, create more jobs in the industry, and increase government payments to ethanol producers by $787 billion.
The upside: The Social Security Administration announced that since Congress will lock fuel prices at $4.599 per gallon through 2012, the Cost of Living Adjustment (COLA) can remain fixed at 0% for the same period.

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The downside: The U.S. economy has shed 15.4 million or more jobs including those once held by Rufus, Biff, and my wife, Anne.
The upside: The $787 billion “stimulus package” has created an estimated 643,000 brand new jobs (roughly identical to the number of saved 1974 Ford Pintos). All the new employees are dedicated to maintaining the White House website that tracks new jobs.

We have, as a nation, spent the entire decade unwilling to learn from our mistakes. Change We Can Believe In! certainly changed all of that and we are this >||< close to ObamaCare to prove it.

You can’t make this stuff up. Happy New Decade, everyone!

Posted in Government Motors, What? Are They Nuts?, ObamaCare, History, Global Warming, Newspaper "Science", Banking, Science (not-so-real), Politics & News, Society, Business, Cars, Random Access | 3 Comments »

November 24, 2009 by Dick.

Rod Lache, auto analyst for Deutsche Bank, recently estimated that based on the company’s bond prices, the market now values GM at about $42 billion.

Dear Mr. President:

Looks like you stole $42 billion from me.
I want it back.

Sincerely,

–Dick

Posted in Government Motors, Throw Da Bums Out, Politics & News, Random Access | 2 Comments »

June 10, 2009 by Dick.

Congress poked its head up out of the gopher hole with a $4,500 incentive to trade in your gas guzzlers for new, fuel-efficient rides. The House passed the bill yesterday on a 298-119 vote.

President Barack Obama has supported the plan as a way to help struggling automakers and improve the fuel efficiency of the cars and trucks on the road.

Huh. That incentive might have helped struggling automakers even more six or 12 months ago.

Now that the Administration has run two of three American car makers out of business, it is too bad the only place left to trade is either Government Motors or Overseas, Inc.

Imagine that.

Remember you and you and you voted for these turkeys. A few of us voted against ‘em but that makes me no less doomed.

Posted in Throw Da Bums Out, Government Motors, Cars, Society, Politics & News, Random Access | 3 Comments »

June 8, 2009 by Dick.

Three Indiana pension funds got it wrong. The state pension and construction funds sued Chrysler to keep the automaker from completing its acquisition by Fiat.

Regular readers have figured out by now that I am one of the smartest men I know. I am, however, neither the smartest man in the world nor even the only smart man in the world. That means I can’t possibly be the only person to have realized that the automakers are the wrong target for litigation.

The Administration favors the Chrysler-Fiat deal and wants to remove this road block. Nonetheless, the Supreme Court granted a stay that temporarily blocks the Chrysler sale. The court will decide soon whether to schedule a full hearing. Fiat says they will “never” walk away from the deal.

There is still time for bondholders and shareholders to come together. We need a lawyer. Maybe a platoon of them.

Think about it. Every lawyer arguing for tort reform is a Democrat. What better group to file a shareholders suit?

But there’s no money left at Chrysler or GM, you say. The CEO and many execs have changed. Who is there to sue?

How about we sue the people who caused the problem?

I’ll give you a minute.

Yeppers, I mean the President and the U.S. Congress.

A government has only one tool to take private property from its owners: eminent domain. The Takings Clause of the Fifth Amendment states … nor shall private property be taken … without just compensation.

If all goes according to plan, the U.S. and Canadian governments, a United Auto Workers health care fund, and Fiat will end up owning Cerebus Capital Management’s 80.1% of Chrysler Holding LLC and Daimler AG’s 19.9%. The Fiat presence dilutes the taking, but a governmental taking it is.

The picture is clearer in the General Motors tower where the administration stole 100% of the company from the shareholders. What did they do with it? They parceled it out to cronies. Canada got 12%. The Union bosses got 17%. And Obama got most of the rest, didn’t he?

I will join any class action lawsuit against the United States government for taking our private property without compensation.

Posted in Government Motors, Politics & News, Random Access | 2 Comments »