Salvo after Salvo

A Florida writer celebrated on Friday: “It’s a cold, gray, drizzly New Year’s Day,” she wrote. “It can only get better from here, yes? Crossing fingers.”

“It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.”

We started the decade with the biggest salvo yet fired in the least conventional World War ever fought.

Hundreds of Muslims have since blown themselves up to terrorize thousands of their neighbors, most of whom were also Muslims. (Somehow the MSM overlooked the hundreds of Christians who blew themselves up to terrorize thousands of their neighbors, many of whom would also be, well, Christians.)

On the other hand, explosive bolts hold the Space Shuttle to the launch pad. The Shuttle will be the final entry in the Cash for Clunkers program this year.

After a couple years of layoffs and firings and RIFs, about 12 more people have jobs in January, 2010, than did in January, 2000. They all work for the government; private-sector employment declined for the period for the first time on record. And, before you do the liberal happy dance, understand that we don’t have 12 more people in these United States than 10 years ago; we have 26 million and 12 more people in these United States than 10 years ago.

On the other hand, Bret Favre came out of retirement, retired, came out of retirement, retired, and got yet another new job with a different employer. And he did all that last year.

Adobe, like Microsoft, learned the real key to keeping customers happy: change the file format of your major product to force people to upgrade.

On the other hand, the Veteran’s Administration application for benefits is only 23 pages long.

Adjusted for inflation, my little house here in South Puffin is worth about the same as it was in 2000. Maybe a little less.

On the other hand, the new $1.5 billion Yankee Stadium replaced the house that Ruth built in 1923. The Yanks cut costs where they could, though, and the new space is only the second most expensive stadium in the world behind the $1.57 billion new Wembley Stadium in London.

Thanks to inflation and cutbacks, our family income has dropped every year since 2000. Part of that is the ever increasing cost of health “insurance” but the reality is Anne kept getting cut back and my business was flat for several years and is down now.

On the other hand, Wile E. Coyote has never gotten a raise nor filed an insurance claim.

And it doesn’t look as if we can retire unless Anne simply never finds another job and is forced to accept retirement as her full time gig. Our retirement accounts, like those of every other American, suffered from the bank meltdown and the government theft of General Motors. I had 1,000 shares of GM. Guess who owns it now? The market is wandering around above $10,000 now, but stocks like Bank of America, JP Morgan Chase, Metlife, Manulife, Morgan Stanley, and Toronto Dominion Bank will never come back.

On the other hand, Capital One founder and CEO Richard Fairbank received $73,182,560 in compensation in just one year of the decade.

It has been a decade that I hope we can skip repeating.

On the other hand George Santayana, father of the Law of Repetitive Consequences, was an optimist. Besides, I do have some good recipes for Soylent Green.

Happy New Year.


Actually, I’m also an optimist. We need to make this a better decade and we can do it. After we throw da bums out of all their lairs, all we need do is change the nature of crooks and politicians. But I repeat myself.

Change We Can Believe In!

The ups and downs of the decade. We made a bunch of great closeout deals but this column has room for only a few. Here are the top nine of 2009:

The downside: We may not have changed many of the Old Guard of pols but we surely did change how they do business inside the Beltway. They no longer throw billions of We the OverTaxedPeople’s dollars at problems.
The upside: Now they throw trillions.

Hoo wee. That’s change we can believe in!


The downside: President Obama (praise be his name) stole General Motors from its rightful owners (that would be small stockholders like thee and me) and put Ed “I Came from the Phone Company So I Don’t Know Anything about Cars” Whitacre in charge.
The upside: Thanks to the soybean lobby, your new Chevy Condescension will be the first model to come with tofubags instead of the dangerous and expensive airbags as well as the new OnStar-by-AT&T. Rumors that OnStar service will also be available on your iPhone have not proven out.


The downside: Democrats were appalled when President Obama nominated Senator Judd Gregg, R-NH, as his Secretary of Commerce. The U.S. Department of Commerce fosters, promotes, and develops business and industry. Democrats called Senator Gregg “too pro-business.”
The upside: Caroline Cartwright of Great Britain was arrested for noise levels that ranged between 30 and 40 decibels, with some squeaks “being 47 decibels” during sex. Bird calls are generally 44 dB.


The downside: Congress passed without reading a $787 billion “stimulus package” that, instead of stimulating We the OverTaxedPeople who provided the money, all went for swine flu shots to bankers. Vermont had a looming two hundred million dollar budget deficit so the Democratically controlled legislature there decided to spend three hundred million dollars of its portion of that G.R.A.F.T. Act windfall to “stabilize” its budget. Since that wasn’t enough, the Democratically controlled legislature also raised taxes by $24 million dollars in order to make up for the revenue shortfall.
The upside: The Nobel Committee awarded the Peace Prize posthumously to Michael Jackson.


The downside: The Environmental Protection Agency ruled that political science trumps actual science as a danger to human health and to the environment.
The upside: Millions of people flocked to Al Gore’s house in the Belle Meade neighborhood of Nashville where his Christmas decorationsand the upturned smiling faces were photographed from the International Space Station.


The downside: Just two years ago, world leaders of 193 countries pledged to reverse the course of climate change in Denmark this year. When the hot air cleared in Copenhagen this month, there were two inches of snow on the ground, two pounds of faked “global warming” emails, and $200 billion dollars in a Global Relief fund. Guess who they want to pick up the tab?
The upside: Each world leader flew to Denmark in one or more private airliners thus reducing the worldwide surplus of Jet A and Jet A-1 petroleum-based fuels.


The downside: In a strange coincidence, the International Olympic Committee also meeting in Copenhagen voted not to award the 2016 Summer Olympics to Chicago for fear that a fire in former Governor Rod Blagojevich’s hair might undermine the new “pay to play” Olympic game category.
The upside: The one billion dollar Cash for Clunkers program which cost three billion dollars left an estimated 643,000 1974 Ford Pintos on Illinois and Michigan highways as entry level vehicles for migrant farmers and high school students.


The downside: The Environmental Protection Agency said it will increase the percentage of ethanol in gasoline to 15% by next June. Ethanol producers and most newspapers say the higher blends will increase fuel economy, create more jobs in the industry, and increase government payments to ethanol producers by $787 billion.
The upside: The Social Security Administration announced that since Congress will lock fuel prices at $4.599 per gallon through 2012, the Cost of Living Adjustment (COLA) can remain fixed at 0% for the same period.


The downside: The U.S. economy has shed 15.4 million or more jobs including those once held by Rufus, Biff, and my wife, Anne.
The upside: The $787 billion “stimulus package” has created an estimated 643,000 brand new jobs (roughly identical to the number of saved 1974 Ford Pintos). All the new employees are dedicated to maintaining the White House website that tracks new jobs.

We have, as a nation, spent the entire decade unwilling to learn from our mistakes. Change We Can Believe In! certainly changed all of that and we are this >||< close to ObamaCare to prove it.

You can’t make this stuff up. Happy New Decade, everyone!

Hide the Ball

Hide the Ball, Part I. My friend Rufus bought a brand new motor home last month. It was a difficult process mostly because the convenient Florida dealership that had the leftover model he wanted in stock kept changing the rules. Here’s how the deal went:

“We’ll take $xx,xxx and take your older motor home in trade,” the happy salesman told Rufus over the phone. “We’ll even deliver the new one and pick up your trade.”
Rufus went off to think about it. A few days later, he called the salesman. “OK, I’ll take it.”

“Oh, The price is actually $yy,yyy [almost $1,000 more] and you’ll have to bring the trade in to us,” the friendly salesman said.

That wasn’t the original deal but Rufus went off to think about it anyway. He really wanted the motor home. A few days later, he called the salesman. “OK, I’ll take it.”

“Oh, The price is actually $zz,zzz [another $1,000 more] and we can’t include the $600 SmartVent in that price,” the superb salesman said.

That’s one way to play Hide the Ball.

Rufus decided to cut his losses in Florida. He bought the same model motor home, delivered fresh from the factory, from a dealer in another state who didn’t try to game him. He paid $xx,xxx. The happy, friendly, superb salesman in Florida wasn’t very happy was he?

Meanwhile, Biff and Missy wanted to buy a second house here in the Keys. They have worked unsuccessfully with a local Realtor™ for about a month because other buyers are snapping up distressed properties as fast as they appear on the market. Missy and Biff can be a little slow at times.

Biff finally found a place that seemed perfect. It was available.

Their buyer’s agent sent them a 29-page contract. Biff read every page. That’s a good thing.

The contract spelled out that their agent told them their perfect vacation house was on the F.E.M.A. list. The agent hadn’t told them that nor had she explained what being “on the F.E.M.A. list” means [it means the buyer might not be able to get flood insurance]. The contract spelled out that their agent told them their dream vacation house had open permits. The agent hadn’t told them that nor had she explained what “open permits” means [it means the buyer could be liable for inspection fees and fines as well as putting the property “back to original condition”].

That’s another way to play Hide the Ball.

What does this mean to We the OverTaxedPeople?

It means car dealers and house sellers are pikers at Hide the Ball compared to Congress.


Hide the Ball, Part II. Missy and Biff have also been shopping for health insurance ever since Biff got riffed. She still has her job with the state but Biff the Plumber is out of work for the first time in about 20 years. Like millions of the rest of us, Missy and Biff want to reform health care and particularly health care costs.

“Rufus’ bus dealer was more upright than those airheads in Washington,” Missy said. She didn’t actually call them “airheads.” Missy can be earthy.

The U.S. Senate completed the first hurdle to passing ObamaCare over the weekend.

The Gang of 59 bribed hold-out Senator Ben Nelson (Used Car Salesman-NE) to sign on to the Senate health care bill. They pledged that We the OverTaxedPeople will pay all of Nebraska’s Medicaid increases forever so the Congressional Demorats can roll over all opposition and steal all the snow from the entire country right before Christmas.

Can you spell G-r-i-n-c-h?

That’s alright, though, because We the OverTaxedPeople really really really want national health care and we don’t care what it costs or whom we have to bribe. Right?

An ABC News/Washington Post poll shows 37% of the public thinks the quality of care will improve for them. Wow! That’s more than a third!

On the other hand, 53% think healthcare costs will go up under the legislation now in Congress. 55% think costs will rise for the healthcare system overall.

Uh oh! Maybe we do care what it costs and whom we have to bribe.

David Axelrod says “Reality” will “trump the poll numbers…”

Uh oh! Maybe it’s just President Obama who doesn’t care what it costs and whom we have to bribe. Maybe it’s just President Obama who doesn’t care what We the OverTaxedPeople think about ObamaCare. After all President Obama (praise be his name) knows what is best for the rest of us.

The newspapers say Mr. Axelrod, a senior adviser to the president, wants to “reframe the debate.” Mr. Axelrod said ObamaCare would be popular once people learned more about it.

That’s used motor home speak for “once we find the right spin.”

Also buried in the Demorats’ package is Medicare coverage for the 1,400 victims of “environmental health hazards” the EPA declared a public health emergency last June 17. Oddly, those 1,400 people were exposed to asbestos at the W.R. Grace vermiculite mine in Libby, Montana.

Senator Max Baucus, Demorat of Montana, snuck that one in for himself because he can. He is the principal author of the health care bill. That would be the same Senator Max Baucus (Finance Committee Chair and Used Car Salesman-MT) who said that the Bush Administration “ought to know that five years’ worth of Medicare and Medicaid cuts totaling [just] $200 billion are dead on arrival with me and with most of the Congress,” way back in 2008.

The bill quietly cuts Medicare and Medicaid benefits, but not until this administration is out of office.

Another provision to expand Medicaid only in Massachusetts, Nebraska and Vermont will add $1.2 billion in costs.

“It’s all in there just like it was all in my house contract,” Biff said. “It was just hidden in all the pages of fine print that reference other pages of fine print in other contracts.”

Now, here’s the bad part.

We excoriated the arrogant Grinches in Congress for voting on this Obamanation without reading the thousands of pages. Do you really in your heart of hearts think they wouldn’t still vote “Aye” if they actually had read it?

Missy and Biff and Rufus all went to different people for their deals. I haven’t (yet) convinced the rest of us how good an idea that is.


Merry Christmas, y’all. Missy and Biff and Rufus and I all hope you have enough left on your Visa cards to pay for gifts after the 60 Grinches “borrowed” your cards to pay for theirs.

Throw da Bums Out

I have mentioned Radio Guy Josh Mothner on these pages before. Mr. Mothner hosts the Morning Mix on WGMX-FM here in the heart of the Florida Keys. In real life, he is a banker and mortgage broker. He is also a community volunteer and a serious, big-D, Demorat. He often rants about one or another of my pet peeves; sometimes he even comes down on the right side of an issue.

Mr. Mothner was in full rant this morning with pretty much the same message I’ve sent for a year: Throw da Bums Out . All of them. Every single elected official in Washington. Even yours. And yours. His is the first media commentary I’ve heard outside the blogosphere with that message.

Pick any issue of import, Mr. Mothner said this morning. Congress has bumbled it either because they act sooooooooo sloooooooooowly or because they simply get it wrong. Usually they get it wrong and it takes forever to do so.

Consider, for example, ObamaCare. If you recognize Senate Bill S.4 (the Comprehensive Health Reform Act of 2009) or House Bills HR3200, HR3962, and HR3590 (Affordable Health Care for America times two and the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Acts), you’ll understand that Congress has been diddling while America burned.

Sadly it matters not at all whether you fervently believe that

(a) government is incapable of filling potholes let alone managing a process as big and complex as your health care; or
(b) only government is able to manage a process as big and complex as your health care.

Whatever your core beliefs, the Congress We the TaxedPeople elected has managed to assure none of us are well served by any of the more than 10,000 pages of “affordable” health care proposals now papering Washington D.C.

Have you noticed? Congress lurves the word “affordable.” They plan to force a baker’s dozen affordable issues on We the TaxedPeople this year alone. So far. Have your taxes gone down? Did your rent get cheaper? Your life must be more affordable, right? Congress says it is. Here are the baker’s dozen “affordable” bills from thomas :

  • Affordable Access to Prescription Medications Act of 2009
  • Affordable Care for Women Act
  • Affordable Food and Fuel for America Act
  • Affordable Footwear Act of 2009
  • Affordable Gas Price Act
  • Affordable Health Care Expansion Act of 2009
  • Affordable Health Care for America Act
  • Affordable Health Choices Act
  • Affordable Housing and Community Development Act of 2009
  • Affordable Housing Preservation and Revitalization Act of 2009
  • Affordable Housing Preservation Tax Relief Act of 2009
  • Affordable Reloaded Munitions Supply (ARMS) Act of 2009
  • Affordable Tutoring of Our Children Act

Affordable, huh? That would be the same Congress that just passed a 12% bump in their spending budget at the same time they ruled the Cost of Living flat for senior citizens. The flat Cost of Living we see at the pump, no doubt. After all we do have the Affordable Food and Fuel for America Act and the Affordable Gas Price Act.

Perhaps Hillary Clinton summed it up best: “A camel (that would be a race horse designed by Congressional Committee) is a well-designed animal,” she told Rep. Jeff Flake (R-AZ) in recent hearings.

Throw da Bums Out! You go, Josh.

But first, throw out the Congressional Rules that allow them to pass laws that do not apply to, well, Congress Critters.

Then Throw da Bums Out, indeed. We can’t afford them.

Don’t Rust!

WASHINGTON, D.C. (December 9, 2009) — Senate majority leader Harry Reid (D-NV) announced the definitive solution to Global Warming today.

The Environmental Protection Agency on Monday issued a final ruling that, in addition to methane, carbon dioxide also poses a significant danger to human health and to the environment.

E.P.A. administrator Lisa P. Jackson said that the 2007 Supreme Court decision required the agency to regulate CO2 as well as methane. The E.P.A. plans to limit emissions from human sources, all cars and trucks, power plants, refineries, cement plants and other big factories, and large farms. It appears that locomotives, trolley cars, cruise ships, and government aircraft may remain exempt.

Senator Reid says he has a better idea that does not involve pedal cabs.

“We’re going to galvanize everything that doesn’t move,” Senator Reid said. “Not only will it suck all the CO2 out of the atmosphere, it will ensure that nothing made in America ever corrodes again.”

Hot dip galvanizing is a metallurgical process that coats steel or iron with zinc to prevent rusting and other corrosion of the ferrous products. It has been in use for more than 150 years.

Galvanizing protection builds over time by a mechanism where the zinc first oxidizes. Then oxide absorbs water and becomes zinc hydroxide. The zinc hydroxide absorbs CO2 from the air. That forms a dense, impervious coating of zinc carbonate. If it were lime, we would call it “slaking.”

“It pulls carbon dioxide straight out of the air,” Senator Reid said. “What could be better or more useful today?”

I love science. Or I did before it became poli-sci.


Of course, Rust Never Sleeps™ even with galvanized steel; rusting is inevitable, especially in U.S. regions plagued with acid rainfall.

Rufus wants me to point out what sucking the life out of the atmosphere has done to companies in the Rust Belt but that is a subject for another day.