je suis Charlie



This latest cover of Charlie Hebdo has been published in advance by the French media. Outside France, the Washington Post, Corriere della Sera in Italy, Frankfurter Allgemeine in Germany, and the Guardian in the UK are also publishing the cartoon. As am I.

I’ve never read Charlie Hebdo but its satirical and stridently left-wing cartoons, reports, rants, and jokes are as crucial to our free and open exchange of ideas as this Perspective is.


It is intolerable that anyone would apologize for or even tolerate a religion that systematically murders those who oppose it. And waiting for God to let the thugs know that they’re getting Virginians rather than virgins is just too little, too late.

 

Self-Correcting

I often listen to the public radio broadcast Science Friday because it offers an ADHD overview of stories of discoveries and applications each week.

The show did the usual year-end-round-up last week: “What stories grabbed your attention this year? Was it the ongoing Ebola outbreak in West Africa or the European Space Agency’s successful landing on a comet?” How about the fairly long list of scientific retractions? SciFri host Ira Flatow and his panel of science writers from Astronomy Magazine, CNet, and Scientific American buried the lead as they discussed these big stories from 2014.

The big story? Science is self-correcting.

Ebola did get a lot of attention in the MSM. The outbreak continues in West Africa. We tried a variety of experimental therapies and worked to contain, rather than cure, Ebola. And we made mistakes.

From the Sudan outbreak in 1976 that killed a storekeeper in a cotton factory in Nzara and 150 other people to British nurse Pauline Cafferkey who is now undergoing treatment at the Royal Free Hospital in London, researchers have examined and tried a long list of protocols, treatments, potential vaccines, and drug therapies.

There is still no effective medication or vaccine.

That’s the point.

Scientists have (and have had) a lot of ideas about this particular hemorrhagic virus but no final answer yet. After decades of research and work, we know how to eradicate polio, malaria, measles, rubella, and whooping cough. Parents who refuse vaccination have led to a resurgence of diseases unseen for decades in the United States from measles and mumps to Hepatitis B, rubella, and pertussis. Doctors continue looking for answers.

To date, only one infectious disease that affects humans has been eradicated. In 1980, after decades of efforts by the World Health Organization, the World Health Assembly endorsed a statement declaring smallpox eradicated.

But what about the mistakes?

The scientific method, paraphrased, is “Keep poking the bear. Eventually you’ll get him in the cage.”

You might lose some body parts along the way but, eventually, you will close the cage. Or at least have a good scientific theory.

The Scientist published the Top 10 Retractions of 2014. The two biggest were arguably stem cells and the Big Bang.

Nature published and then retracted two papers from Haruko Obokata in which she claimed she had developed Stimulus-Triggered Acquisition of Pluripotency (STAP) cells from mouse cells. Science had earlier rejected one of those manuscripts for being too flawed to publish.

Astronomers announced in March that they had found ripples in space-time from the earliest moments of the universe. Scientists announced in April that the ripples may be little more than galactic dust.

These retractions aren’t the big news of science.

“It’s sort of a story of how science is self-correcting sometimes,” Ira Flatow said in the round-up.

I love phlogiston theory. Sixteenth century scientists believed that all combustible objects contain a unique element they called phlogiston. It’s released during burning, the theory goes, and fire can’t happen without it. We know better now.

Science is self-correcting.

Nineteenth century scientists believed the planet Vulcan orbited between Mercury and the Sun. French mathematician Urbain Jean Joseph Le Verrier proposed its existence because scientists of the day were unable to explain the peculiarities of Mercury’s orbit. (Einstein’s theory of general relativity now explains why Mercury bounces around the Sun.) We know better now. (Of course, there is still the question of Pluto.)

Science is self-correcting.

Nineteenth century scientists also believed the Martian canals, the apparent network of gullies and ravines, were anything from Interstate Highways to a sophisticated irrigation system. We know better now.

Science is self-correcting.

Twentieth century scientists believed that the size of the universe was constant. Since the total volume of the universe was fixed, the whole universe operated as a closed system. The Static Universe is often known as “Einstein’s Universe” because he incorporated it into his theory of general relativity. We maybe know better now.

Unca LudwigScience is self-correcting.

Twenty-first century scientists believed that fossil fuel combustion emits more CO2 than phlogiston. ^H^H^H. Twenty-first century scientists believed that fossil fuel combustion emits more CO2 than termites.

“Science is self-correcting,” Ira said.

“Except political science,” Dick added.

Seventeenth century political scientists of the Inquisition under Pope Paul V ordered Galileo Galilei to recant his theory that the Sun, not the Earth, was at the center of the universe. He was placed under house arrest for life. He was lucky not to have been placed on the rack for heresy.

Remember that the next time some solar denier like Ira tells you “Science is self-correcting but climate science is fixed.”

 

Whew, A New Year Looms

The crazed and the sketchy got out to lunch more than usual this year.

Approved
Congress had a 7% approval rating which sounds like a 93% disapproval rating. And yet 95.4% of the encumbents who ran got re-elected. (Forty-one retired which is way more than the sixteen defeated.)

SWMBO got about a $26 Social Security raise for 2015 thanks to that magnificent 1.7% COLA. Oddly, her Medicare Advantage premium rose $43.

The University of Miami tried to sell endangered pine rockland to build a Walmart.

An intruder jumped the White House fence and ran straight in the White House unlocked front door where he then asked for a cup of coffee in the ceremonial tea room. OK, I made the last part up; he actually asked for parking validation.

Good Vibrations
The earth moved in South Puffin after a 5.0 magnitude earthquake off Cuba rattled Boot Key harbor near South Puffin. There was no tsunami.

A 27-year-old woman in Tampa allegedly slapped a 72-year-old woman who denied her friend request on Facebook. Another Florida woman is also facing a battery charge after she got into a fight with her twin sister over a vibrator. Battery.

Jobs
Two men stole used fry oil from D Hookers, the Fish House, and a McDonalds in South Puffin. They were arrested for trying to make a living off the fat of the land.

Former Kansas state rep, former Kansas Insurance Commissioner, former Kansas governor Kathleen Sebelius resigned from her position as Secretary of Health and Unaffordable Care Services when Healthcare.gov enrolled 157 Americans but turned away the 12 million who lost their insurance. She will take a “private” sector job with Government Motors supervising 45 recalls of 28 million cars. It is expected that more than 300 cars will be repaired before the end of 2015.

Bathing
Someone tied a skeleton to an underwater post near the Seven Mile Bridge right around my birthday (I was in North Puffin. Really). We think that had nothing to do with …

A Great White Shark named Katharine stopped in at my beach. She’s the 14 foot, 2,300 pound, Great White who swam from Cape Cod to the Gulf of Mexico and back. She pinged about 20 miles out here over Memorial Day weekend. She had traveled more than 3,600 miles since she was tagged last year. She was also following the Local10 reporter reporting on her. Katharine has her own Twitter account (@Shark_Katharine), of course.

Taking a Bath
Eight vintage Corvettes disappeared in a sinkhole in Bowling Green.

The N.J. Turnpike is apparently going into the pizza business. That state agency sued Boardwalk Pizza here in the Keys because the pizza joint’s sign is too similar the Garden State Parkway signs. Both circular logos are green with a yellow border. The turnpike’s says “Garden State” along the top, while Boardwalk’s says “Jersey Boardwalk.” The middle of the Turnpike’s logo say’s “Parkway” while Boardwalk’s says “Pizza Co.” The Turnpike logo has no words along the bottom of the circle; Boardwalk’s says “Subs. Cheesesteaks. Pasta.”

You Can’t Make This [$#!*] Up
The Throne Thrusters modified a porta-potty in LaPorte, Indiana, and launched it into the sky this month. It described an elegant arc and nearly landed on a spectator’s pickup truck almost half a mile away. The thrusters spokesman said it wasn’t “barnyard engineering.” NASA’s Orion also launched, flew, and landed with “bullseye” precision.

A white man who hates black men once owned an NBA basketball team. He was harshly penalized which may tie in to …

Dennis Rodman made his thirty-fourth visit to North Korea to play some one-on-one with his misunderstood pal Kim Jong Un. Sadly, he won this final game; Mr. Kim retaliated by bombing Mr. Rodman’s PlayStation.

The FBI investigated hundreds of naked-celebrity photos spread across the Interwebs that hundreds of naked-celebrities intelligently took with their smartphones. Meanwhile, the NSA announced it had no access to any personal information on naked-celebrity smartphones, only their measurements.

More people watched the styrofoam coolers that didn’t come from Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 than watched OJ run through the line of freeway traffic at 37 mph. Flight 370 is still missing. The NSA doesn’t know where it is, either.

Another Year (Almost) Gone
None of the 2014 stories measure up to this: “the sea hag” allegedly shot a 64-year-old man five times in the abdomen, back, and arm after he refused to give her a beer. They had gone to an elegant repast at the Brass Monkey and returned home. She went for her vibrator and he for a beer. She couldn’t find hers so she wanted his.

Let’s be careful out there in 2015.

 

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

In Charlotte, Vermont, in 2008, a school got hammered to take down its candy cane decorations because a grinch there says they have an overt Christmas message. Federal Reserve examiners in 2010 told a hometown bank that it must remove crosses, Bible verses, and Christmas buttons because they could be offensive. The Fed says the Christian paraphernalia violated federal bank regulations. In 2012, the owner of a New Jersey business faced thousands in fines because he installed a 40-foot tall inflatable Santa Claus on his retail store rooftop. CANDY CANES and SANTA! The Menorah and the Glitter Moon and Star for Ramadan probably stayed up at the school, though.


christmas bird

Every radio station has defaulted to Christmas music. I’m surprised we haven’t lost that, too. I don’t particularly like Christmas music but my radio has an off switch. I don’t have to listen to it if I don’t want to.

I was raised in a family that was Quaker on one side, Presbyterian on the other. I may not be as organized now as I was when I reached the age of accountability and joined the Presbyterian church but I am still a Christian. And, of course, a WASP.

You don’t have to be either.

Tomorrow is the day Christians celebrate the birth of the Christ child and the meaning of Christianity. It was a pretty big day before the stock exchange took it over.

It doesn’t mean Do unto all the other religions, then cut out. Unless you are a Member of Congress.

Here’s the thing. If you offer food to the monks on Vesak, Buddha’s Birthday, I will honor your commitment to the poor. If you celebrate Diwali, the Festival of Lights, I will honor with you the victory of Lord Ram over the demon-king Ravana. If you fast during Ramadan when the Qur’an was revealed to Mohammad, I will honor your patience and humility. If you celebrate the most solemn and important of Jewish holidays, Yom Kippur, I will honor your atonement and repentance. If you light the candles of Kwanzaa, I will help you honor your heritage. And if you are a lib’rul atheist, I will not proselytize.

That maybe the most important message.

Not one American soldier in Afghanistan, Australia, Bahrain, Belgium, Canada, Cuba, Egypt, Germany, Greece, Greenland, Guam, Honduras, Indian Ocean, Iraq, Italy, Japan, Kuwait, Kyrgyzstan, Netherlands, Portugal, Puerto Rico, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, South Africa, South Korea, Spain, Thailand, Turkey, the United Kingdom, United Arab Emirates, or the United States has forced any man, woman, or child to convert to Christianity at the point of a gun this year.

You don’t have to be a Buddhist, a Hindu, Islamic, a Jew, a Kwanzaan celebrant, or an atheist. It is time, on this Christian holy day, to let Christians be Christians.

My right to impose my own beliefs stops at my property line (or the end of my nose when I’m out in public). The Charlotte, Vermont, grinch’s right to his own idiocy stops at pretty much the same place. It is time to stop accepting that “politically correct” credo and start honoring the true message of Christmas.

Scythian philosopher Anacharsis wrote in the 6th century BCE, “Wise men argue causes, and fools decide them.

Peace.


This column originally appeared on Christmas Day, 2008. It required very little updating.