Random Scribbles


Over the weekend I happened to see a commercial for Audi’s new handwriting recognition pad in the center console.

Handwriting recognition pad?

In a car???

It’s no longer breaking news that texting while driving is a bad idea. A 2009 Virginia Tech Transportation Institute study reveals just how dangerous it can be. The VTTI examined the behavior of truck drivers over more than 6 million miles and found that people who send text messages while driving are 23 times more likely to be in a crash (or what they call a “near-crash event”) than undistracted drivers.

The study used in truck cameras to capture where the drivers’ eyes were looking as they drove, dialed cell phones, talked on the cell phones, reached for objects around the cab, and texted. Not surprisingly, the tasks that took a driver’s eyes off the road caused ramped up the risk.

In crashes or near-crashes, texting took a driver’s focus away from the road for an average of 4.6 seconds. That’s more than three times the average reaction time to jam on the brakes when a tree — or a kid — jumps out in front of you. It’s enough time to travel the length of a football field at highway speeds.

I crashed my mom’s Comet convertible when I was a teenager. I didn’t have a cellphone. I couldn’t text. But I did have a car radio. I took my eyes off the road just for an instant and a culvert jumped right out in front of me.

Mom was not pleased.

The VTTI agrees. Avoiding any task that takes your eyes off the road avoids taking your car off the road.

Last month, Audi announced a national initiative to have drivers across America take the Audi “Driver’s Pledge” to make the road a more intelligent and presumably safer place. They encourage all drivers to take a stand exemplifying responsible driving:


pledge
I added the final promise, the one in italics, to the list. Audi apparently forgot that one.

Broke? Broke.

HondaThat doesn’t look so bad, now, does it?

The weather was generally crappy (that’s a highly scientific, meteorological term) over the weekend. Drizzly. Gray. Cold. Dank. I couldn’t work on the porch.

Rufus says I probably could have; in fact, yesterday I did see two guys on ladders huddled under a waving plastic tarp trying to work on their porch, but there are limits. Nonetheless, I decided to do some work for a client instead. Good day to be in someone else’s heated house or office.

Drove Anne’s car in to town. Forgot my keys to the client’s office, a fact I discovered when I got there so I drove on to pick Anne up at a friend’s house. She was showing off her new shorty, fuschia, PTB cast.

My plan was to head back to North Puffin, drop herself off, start the pellet stove for her, and head back to St Albans.

Our mechanic says I hit a pothole or a rock on Church Road.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a lower ball joint shear off. BANG! It is loud and bumpy.

I thought I had hit a pothole and blown a tire. The car bucked, bounced down by the nose, but it skidded in pretty much a straight line. That was a small surprise, considering that the left wheel was pointed about due south and the right one about northwest. I was probably going only about 35 mph or so.

The City Police Department patrols the Town and a City cop was eastbound on that road, about 4-5 car lengths from me when it broke. He passed, gaping, and hooked a U-ie to come up behind me.

I told him I was pretty lucky he was there and pretty lucky I didn’t loop it into the field. In point of fact, what I didn’t tell him is that I figured he was pretty lucky I didn’t dive directly into him, head on. Maybe not, though. At low speeds, the one sideways sliding wheel acts as a brake instead of steering.

I called AAA. They dispatched Stone’s Texaco from East Fairfield rather than the local guys because the local guys never answer their phone. The Stone’s driver turned out to be Mr. Stone hisownself. Back in the day, he drove and sponsored a race car at Catamount Stadium and some of the other paved tracks around. Got out when it got to expensive.

It took him a while to get to me because he was already on a call at the other end of the county. He must have really booked to get to the Bay in under half an hour.

He took one look and turned around to drag the car on tail first. Wise move since it did pretty much no more damage. We took it to our regular mechanic where I grabbed a floor jack and we sort of gentled it off the flatbed. Coast it down until the wheel jammed against the fender. Jack up. Kick the wheel assembly back to sort of straight. Let it down to coast some more. Rinse. Repeat. The car needed only four iterations to slide off the truck.


Honda Front
Mr. Stone dropped me off at the top of the friend’s street because I wouldn’t let him try to wangle his flatbed down her narrow dirt road. It’s not more than a 1/4 mile walk.Number 1 Daughter picked us up there with the grandpuppies in tow. Lazarus is the smaller of the two, a Bernese Mountain Dog. Yogee is a Newfoundland Retriever who still doesn’t know how big he is. She calls him her special needs child. I told her she could step up in brain power to a Goldie next.The kids say having the car incident now was a good thing. See, normally Anne breaks this stuff when I’m in South Puffin.

Now I have to go do something fun like clean out a stove pipe.


Honda Side

“Dayumn, That JLo Is a Comely Thing”

The Chrysler/Fiat marketing masterminds have followed native-son rapper Eminem’s Chrysler 200 commercial “imported from Detroit” (I called it the best ad on the Super Bowl) with a new one.

Walter Chrysler founded his Chrysler Corporation out of the ashes of Maxwell-Chalmers to build cars in Detroit City in 1925. Since then, Chrysler has bought and shut down a number of car lines including AMC, American, Barreiros, Graham Brothers, Commer, DeSoto, Eagle, Canadian Fargo, Hillman, Hudson, Humber, Imperial, Karrier, Maxwell, Nash, Plymouth, Rambler, Renault, Simca, Singer, Sunbeam, and the Valiant in the U.S., Canada, and Australia.

After the DaimlerChrysler fiasco, the company sold 80.1% of Chrysler Group to Cerberus Capital Management, a private equity firm. In the 2009 Obamanatationalization, Daimler agreed to give its remaining 19.9% stake to Cerberus Capital Management and to pay another $600 million into the automaker’s pension fund. The Obamanation then financed the sale of old Chrysler’s assets to New Chrysler with $6.6 billion paid to Cerebus. Chrysler repaid its $7.6 billion loans to the United States and Canadian governments in May, 2011.

I have to wonder how it is that Chrysler’s stockholder (Cerebus) got the gold while General Motor’s stockholders (Rufus and me) got the shaft, all in the same year. I guess screwing over the German Daimler AG (and us) was enough for the Obamanation.

Anyway, Eminem grew up in Detroit as did the car company. Ad agency Wieden+Kennedy celebrated that. (Portland, Oregon-based Wieden+Kennedy, known for its Nike ads, replaced the BBDO as Chrysler’s agency of record in 2009.)

This week, the beautiful Jennifer Lopez sings and drives her way to endorse the new

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wait for it
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Fiat 500C.
JLo sold herself for a flee flop.

Rufus said, “The Chrysler/Fiat thing — especially the 500 — is one of the most hateful things about the Obamanation’s Detroit.

“If the Progressives like Italy so much, they should go Berlusconi. They can stay forever if they love it that much.

“But dayumn that JLo is a comely thing!”

Sure.

So where’s the story? The Fiat is maybe the worst car sold in America since the Yugo but the bean counters and the Obamanation think the response in the ad is real.

Of course, the mob left the car behind when they carried off JLo. The bean counters and the Obamanation didn’t notice that.

Maybe JLo should have held out for an iPhone.

Put the ‘A’ back in SCC

I took some time off from worrying about the claim that women’s hot flashes are responsible for Global Warming to reminisce about the years I raced “pony cars” in sports car races in the 1970s.

It is very hot in a race car cockpit.

Many think that the pony cars started life when Ford launched the Mustang — the nearly eponymous name came from the ‘Stang — in 1964 but the real start of the breed was the popular and sporty Corvair Monza from Chevrolet. The cars were (and are again) compact, stylish, affordable, and sporty.

The Sports Car Club of America (SCCA), first and foremost a sanctioning body for automobile racing, created amateur and professional racing classes for pony cars in 1966. Amateurs turned the cars out for trophies in “A-Sedan” while pros brought the same cars to the track for cash prizes in the fabled “Trans-Am” series. The rules were pretty simple then: tune the suspension, widen the steel body for a 64″ track, get really good brakes, install a roll cage, then jack up the Holley 4-barrel carburetor and pour a 5 Liter, 500 horsepower, engine under it. The cars looked like ones you could buy from the dealer down the street. Mostly.

The Trans-American Sedan Championship began as a manufacturers’ series for racing these pony cars. The original races were open to cars in SCCA’s A and B Sedan classes; The Over 2.0 Liter and Under 2.0 Liter cars ran in the same races. The original races that most fans remember included the AMC Javelin, Chevrolet Camaro, Dodge Challenger, Ford Mustang, Mercury Cougar, Plymouth Barracuda, and the Pontiac Firebird. Oldsmobile had no pony car. Mark Donohue won the championship in 1968 and 1969 driving Camaros for Roger Penske. He returned in 1971 to win in a Nash. As an aside, the Pontiac Trans Am was named after the series. The last time a Pontiac Trans Am won a Trans Am was in 1984; the model has won 7 of 446 events.

Back to me. I raced Camaros in the 1970s but SCCA “evolved” the classes out from under me.

“Put the A back in SCC” first referred to a grass roots campaign within the SCCA when the club dropped the A Sedan category in favor of lumping all the A Sedans together with the top two roadster categories to form the new class called GT-1. Camaros were a second or two a lap slower than the “production-class” Corvettes at a track like Lime Rock so SCCA also changed the way we built the cars. Although designed for the big Detroit iron, today’s Trans Am and GT-1 cars are front engine, rear wheel drive, tube framed cars with body work cleverly made to look like a street car. (As an aside, most are very, very similar to the NASCAR Nationwide short track race cars.)

We Luddite A-Sedan and Trans Am drivers didn’t much like the change. We asked SCCA to put the A (Sedan) back in their line-up. They did not although in 1995 the club did start the amateur-level American Sedan class for cars which is cross between Showroom Stock and the old A-Sedan.

The Trans-American Sedan Championship died in 2006 but has come back. In 2009, Jaguar won the championship in a car that doesn’t look remotely American. Other competing marques include Audi, deTomaso, and Porsche. The 2010 series will race at New Jersey, Mosport, Miller Motorsports Park, Lime Rock, Toronto, Brainerd, and Virginia International Raceway.

And that’s exactly where this history lesson is going.

The Trans-American Sedan Championship began as a manufacturers’ championship for American-made sedans. I’ve been looking at and test driving that new breed of sedans and I guarantee that the 2010 Chevrolet Camaros, Dodge Chargers and Challengers, and Ford Mustangs are faster, better handling street cars on street tires than my 1969 or 1971 full race Camaros.

Not only that, those cars look like real Trans Am cars should look.

I think it’s time again to put the A back in SCC as well as in Trans Am. This time, though, let’s make it a series for American sporty cars. It is time to celebrate just how good American cars can be.

Change We Can Believe In!

The ups and downs of the decade. We made a bunch of great closeout deals but this column has room for only a few. Here are the top nine of 2009:

The downside: We may not have changed many of the Old Guard of pols but we surely did change how they do business inside the Beltway. They no longer throw billions of We the OverTaxedPeople’s dollars at problems.
The upside: Now they throw trillions.

Hoo wee. That’s change we can believe in!


The downside: President Obama (praise be his name) stole General Motors from its rightful owners (that would be small stockholders like thee and me) and put Ed “I Came from the Phone Company So I Don’t Know Anything about Cars” Whitacre in charge.
The upside: Thanks to the soybean lobby, your new Chevy Condescension will be the first model to come with tofubags instead of the dangerous and expensive airbags as well as the new OnStar-by-AT&T. Rumors that OnStar service will also be available on your iPhone have not proven out.


The downside: Democrats were appalled when President Obama nominated Senator Judd Gregg, R-NH, as his Secretary of Commerce. The U.S. Department of Commerce fosters, promotes, and develops business and industry. Democrats called Senator Gregg “too pro-business.”
The upside: Caroline Cartwright of Great Britain was arrested for noise levels that ranged between 30 and 40 decibels, with some squeaks “being 47 decibels” during sex. Bird calls are generally 44 dB.


The downside: Congress passed without reading a $787 billion “stimulus package” that, instead of stimulating We the OverTaxedPeople who provided the money, all went for swine flu shots to bankers. Vermont had a looming two hundred million dollar budget deficit so the Democratically controlled legislature there decided to spend three hundred million dollars of its portion of that G.R.A.F.T. Act windfall to “stabilize” its budget. Since that wasn’t enough, the Democratically controlled legislature also raised taxes by $24 million dollars in order to make up for the revenue shortfall.
The upside: The Nobel Committee awarded the Peace Prize posthumously to Michael Jackson.


The downside: The Environmental Protection Agency ruled that political science trumps actual science as a danger to human health and to the environment.
The upside: Millions of people flocked to Al Gore’s house in the Belle Meade neighborhood of Nashville where his Christmas decorationsand the upturned smiling faces were photographed from the International Space Station.


The downside: Just two years ago, world leaders of 193 countries pledged to reverse the course of climate change in Denmark this year. When the hot air cleared in Copenhagen this month, there were two inches of snow on the ground, two pounds of faked “global warming” emails, and $200 billion dollars in a Global Relief fund. Guess who they want to pick up the tab?
The upside: Each world leader flew to Denmark in one or more private airliners thus reducing the worldwide surplus of Jet A and Jet A-1 petroleum-based fuels.


The downside: In a strange coincidence, the International Olympic Committee also meeting in Copenhagen voted not to award the 2016 Summer Olympics to Chicago for fear that a fire in former Governor Rod Blagojevich’s hair might undermine the new “pay to play” Olympic game category.
The upside: The one billion dollar Cash for Clunkers program which cost three billion dollars left an estimated 643,000 1974 Ford Pintos on Illinois and Michigan highways as entry level vehicles for migrant farmers and high school students.


The downside: The Environmental Protection Agency said it will increase the percentage of ethanol in gasoline to 15% by next June. Ethanol producers and most newspapers say the higher blends will increase fuel economy, create more jobs in the industry, and increase government payments to ethanol producers by $787 billion.
The upside: The Social Security Administration announced that since Congress will lock fuel prices at $4.599 per gallon through 2012, the Cost of Living Adjustment (COLA) can remain fixed at 0% for the same period.


The downside: The U.S. economy has shed 15.4 million or more jobs including those once held by Rufus, Biff, and my wife, Anne.
The upside: The $787 billion “stimulus package” has created an estimated 643,000 brand new jobs (roughly identical to the number of saved 1974 Ford Pintos). All the new employees are dedicated to maintaining the White House website that tracks new jobs.

We have, as a nation, spent the entire decade unwilling to learn from our mistakes. Change We Can Believe In! certainly changed all of that and we are this >||< close to ObamaCare to prove it.

You can’t make this stuff up. Happy New Decade, everyone!