I Was Right

Again. The Obamanation announced it will release 30 million barrels of oil from the strategic reserves and has another 30 million barrels pledged by our energy partners. Two million barrels per day for a month. And they can do it again next month and the month after if prices don’t drop enough.

It is to “make up for Libyan oil,” administration officials say.

Bwahahahahahahahahah hah ha. And hah.

It’s not a hail Mary to jumpstart the economy.

It’s not to fill in the gaps in our oil supply. There is plenty of oil.

It’s not even to ease the summer driving season.

But it is to drive speculators out of the market. See, if the price at the pump drops for 90 days, the third quarter Cost of Living calculations look flat again.

At the beginning of June, I said the Obamanation would try to get gas prices down to $2.47/gallon for July, August, and September, the “window” for Social Security’s 2012 COLA calculations. Artificial Cost of Living Adjustments are a free tax on the back of American seniors and the gummint needs more money. Way to go, Mr. Obama.

Sports Are Gay

I’ve been visiting Phoenix for a bit. Phoenix is the hottest major city in North America. Period. This past week has been unnaturally hot. Naturally, when a friend offered a couple of tickets to a Diamondbacks game, I jumped at the chance.

Chase Field Warning They opened the roof on Chase Field. 101° Outside. They opened the roof.

The Arizona Diamondbacks are a Major League Baseball team in the National League Western Division. Since their arrival as an expansion team in 1998, the D-Backs have won one World Series and four National League Western Division Championshops.

Nancy is now five for five in game lore. She picked Jimmy Johnson to win the Sprint Cup race she attended with Anne. She picked the Giants to win the spring training game she attended with Don. She picked the Giants to win the game we attended this week. She picked the Suns over the champion Celtics in a basketball game she attended with her dad. And she helped the Arizona Rattlers arena foo’ball team score when she caught their game with TUFKAS.

Chase FieldI, on the hand, maintained my own record; no team I root for has ever won a game I have attended. I think that even counts for games I’ve watched on television. My high school buddy Jon Matlack would have become a 20 game winner had I stopped watching sooner.

See, that’s two reasons I think sports are gay.

Huh? you say.

Bear with me. Sports are the big macho guy stuff but Nancy is most assuredly a girl. When a girl can outdo all the guys around her, that must make the games, well, girly.

Everyone knows a girly man is gay. Nancy’s great scores bring statistics to this story. Statisticians are gay, too.

Softlan UltraThere’s more.

Ever been to a soccer game? Bunch of guys running around playing group grab ass whenever anyone scores a goal. Even the advertisers think wrestling is that way. And don’t even start on figure skating.

There’s a reason the Greeks ran naked Olympics.

Then there are the fans. Fans are like teenage girls memorizing the shoe size (RBIs) and eye color (AB) and innings pitched (IP) of their heart throbs. Gay men are the most dedicated of fans.

Chase Field SeatsMost of the Giants and D-Backs players gave the signs but the Giants’ powerful left fielder Cody Ross simply has to be gay.-1- I watched him do the usual dance in the batters box. Stroking his bat. Tapping his dancing shoes. Wiggling. Adjusting his cup just so. All that is pretty normal. It was the dip that convinced me. See after the gyrations, after the adjustments, he squatted down and popped back up at home plate. A dip.

And here you thought I meant the can o’ dip.

Gay sports is a bit of ADHD from the important topic of the day: how dipping gas prices are a conspiracy to hold down the Social Security Cost of Living Allowance. We got on riff about it at the ballpark. The Giants fan in the orange t-shirt in front of us was not amused.


Editor’s note: one part of this story was satire. Mr. Ross and his wife live most of the year in Scottsdale, Arizona, with their two young children. I do not really think he is gay. The rest is true.

State v. Local Control

New Florida Gov. Rick Scott vetoed $615 million in line items in a $69 BILLION state budget this month. Less than 1%. He also signed House Bill 7207 into law.

Them as whose oxen were gored are up in arms.

State Rep. Ron Saunders (D-Monroe County) has bemoaned the fact that the state Department of Community Affairs “which played a major role in making sure Monroe County governments adhere to Area of Critical State Concern mandates” is among the bovines “gutted.” See, House Bill 7207, the redesignatedCommunity Planning Act” essentially dismantles the D.C.A. by moving that agency’s duties to a new Division of Community Development.

Meanwhile, Gov. Scott came to the Keys for his first time as governor but I didn’t see him despite the fact that he stayed at a Marathon motel and spoke at the Marathon High School graduation.

Florida is bigger than many third world nations in land area, population, residential income, and tax revenue. Come to think of it, Florida is bigger than many European nations in all of the above.

To put that in perspective, the Florida $3 billion budget deficit is bigger than Vermont’s entire state budget.

Gov. Scott had made the Community Planning Act one of his priorities because oversight of development in the Keys should be handled locally rather than through Tallahassee.

“I believe in local government… It’s closer to the people,” he told the Keynoter. “I just don’t believe we ought to be running these things at the state level. I think that we ought to have local control of things. Each community needs to decide what they want to do in their community.”

Looking back to Vermont, local control is more than a buzzword.

Local control is on the lips of Town Selectmen, of voters at Town Meetings, of the 290 school superintendents serving Vermont’s 251 Towns.

New North Puffin Selectman Tom Tom Ripley summed it up, “We figure the one-size-fits-all solutions we get from the County or the State or the Feds or the One-World-Government fall well short of just letting our cities and towns muddle through our local issues.” Tom is North Puffin’s best known garbage man in a state where garbage collection is private enterprise and pretty much everyone with a pickup truck can be a trash hauler.

Indeed, Vermont has essentially no County government at all, relying on local boards to oversee our governmental needs from animal control to zoning.

On paper, local control looks as if it would be more expensive than the consolidated services available from the state or the Feds. After all 290 school superintendents just have to cost more for the 92,431 enrolled students than, say, a couple of dozen, right?

Right?

Of course, right. We know that banks gobbled up their neighbors and airlines swallowed their competitors to save us money. Of course, Judge Harold H. Greene broke up AT&T to, um, save us money, too.

There are other costs to government. A Facebook group “Abused Land Owners of Monroe County Florida Want Justice” reminds us that all is not right in Paradise. A familiar headline reads, “FBI investigates Florida political corruption in Capitol.” And Time Magazine reported that exclusive Palm Beach County, once the Kennedys’ winter playground, “has begun to rival Miami as the Sunshine State’s capital of corruption and political mischief.”

I guess the final answer is really a question: “Do you want the corrupt politician you can see at the Cracked Conch or the one hidden away in Tallahassee controlling how you use your property?”

Breezy

My great grandfather, Enos Barnard, kept a diary. Many people in that age did; some have become a great resource of sociological, marketing, and real-time observations.

“The meeting was stirred by A.D.’s announcement more than by the Indian Mutiny.”
“Shipped 30 pounds of butter to NY on PRR for $31.”
“Patchy fog this morning but Sunny for the day. One little shower this afternoon. Breezy.”

Right. “Breezy” is showing up in modern weather reports but my great grandfather never used the word in his life.

Probably because he liked words and used them with precision.

Friday morning started pretty grim looking. 80° and 69% humidity which is better than it has been but the sky full of heavy-bottomed black clouds. It was supposed to be mostly sunny with just the slightest 10% chance of showers so the clouds confused us. And “becoming breezy.” Heh. East winds about 15 in the morning increased to 20 – 25 mph by my afternoon beach time. I guess breezy meant about 20 mph on Friday. Better than “fresh,” I guess.

Saturday was mostly sunny, and “breezy” again. Local television meteorologist Trent Aric called it “blustery” Friday night.

I see it will be “sunny and breezy” in Southwest Puffin with wind gusts up to 30 mph this afternoon.

The Urban Dictionary calls the word breezy “a combination of the two words which describe a woman that is easy. The word ‘broad’ is combined with the word easy creating the derogatory word ‘breezy’.”

That was a lot of help.

Breezy could an adjective meaning “pleasantly windy.” Yourdictionary.com comes closest to my own idea by calling breezy, “slightly windy.” And the American Heritage dictionary calls it “a light current of air; a gentle wind.” Now we’re talking.

The second American Heritage quantifies the breeze as “any of five winds with speeds of from 4 to 27 knots, according to the Beaufort scale.”

Uh oh. That’s still a pretty informal approach to a definition.

Sir Francis Beaufort’s Wind Force Scale gives wind speeds in measurable velocities and describes those speeds in terms of empirical observations at sea or on land. A light breeze (3-6 knots) brings mall wavelets and leaves begin to rustle. In the gentle breeze (7-10 knots), brings some whitecaps to the Straits and the leaves and small twigs move constantly. Moderate breeze (11-15 knots) means small breaking waves, dust and paper in eddies in the air, and palm fronds dancing. The fresh breeze (16-20 knots) is getting serious with some spray coming aboard and small trees swaying. A strong breeze (21-26 knots) takes your garbage can.

I fell in lust with Kay Lenz when she played Kate Jordache in the TV series Rich Man, Poor Man but she made her bones as Breezy, a teen-aged hippy with heart. Clint Eastwood directed her in the film of the same name. It’s a schmaltzy story of a hitchhiker who escapes a man who wanted her for only sex.

So I’m thinking the weather peeps should use the appropriate qualifiers unless they want us to use these breezes only for sex.

Tropical Tuesday

I live on an island I can drive to. All of our water comes down a big pipe from the United States. We can turn our water heaters off in the summer because the sunlight adds plenty of heat on its way south.

Less than three-quarters of an inch of rain has fallen on Key West since January 27. Even the smattering of rain that fell a couple of weeks ago as part of the mini-tornado that uprooted a neighbor’s tree brought no relief to our arid islands.

The South Florida Water Management District has a Flash front page. Too bad for visitors from the green and crunchy Appleland.

“Persistent rainfall in the upcoming wet season is needed to replenish groundwater, canal and lake levels,” the SFWMD reports. “Meteorologists have predicted drought conditions will extend into the beginning of the wet season.”

Water Shortage Modified Phase XXVII restrictions are in place. Watering is not allowed between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. The odd-numbered street addresses may water lawns and landscapes on Wednesdays and Saturday, midnight – 10 a.m. or 4 p.m. – midnight. The even-numbered street addresses and peeps with no street address have Thursdays and Sundays.

I don’t know quite how you can have plantings that need irrigation with no street address.

New landscaping, sod, or other plantings can be watered without restriction on the first day, then on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays during the 4 p.m. – 10 a.m. hours for the first month as it gets established.

Landscape irrigation using reclaimed water is not restricted.

For years, the Ixora under my carport got watered weekly by the output of the washing machine so they became tolerant of feast and famine. Pumping that much water under the foundation of the house has made me a little nervous so I bought a modern washer that uses 3.2 cups of water per year. The bushes suddenly look mighty thirsty. I may have to take in some neighborhood laundry.

Meanwhile, I moved the old washer across to the other side of the carport and plumbed its outfeed down to the lawn. I put it out there so Rufus would have someplace to bathe. The end of the drainpipe hides under the hedgelike hawthorn at the corner of the lawn. Turns out the scorpion family hides under the hawthorn at the corner of the lawn, too.

Rufus learned that when one scampered across his foot after he ran the washer. Scorpions apparently don’t like floods.

Rufus was not amused.

George Poleczech says his manor lawn is suffering from the drought. “I’m also doing my part by erecting wooden sunshades to protect the plantings and by peeing in the yard,” he wrote. He has his favorite bush.

“It is not looking well lately.”

My advice: Add a little branch to balance the pH.

The rainy season officially begins tomorrow.