Category Archives: Random Access

Random Access, the op-ed.

Amnesty Day

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Vermont’s plans for a statewide amnesty day made the news last week.

“Drivers!” Billy Mays might shout with a thumbs up. “Get your suspended license reinstated for the low, low cost of just $20 per ticket.”

This is a one day only deal!

“The idea is we have over 20,000 Vermonters who have suspended licenses and many of them are suspended because they can’t afford to pay the mounting fines,” said Gov. Peter Shumlin, D-VT.

Whatever happened to “Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.”

State officials say that those 20,000 Vermonters have 113,000 (a bargain of $2,260,000 at $20 a pop) unpaid tickets.

Secretary of Transportation Sue Minter’s amnesty task force has started reviewing likely options for a new law that could help open channels for Vermonters to have their licenses restored.

Turns out we’ve already had a very successful pilot project. Six months ago, hundreds of Vermonters turned out in Burlington for the experimental amnesty day. They could pay off old tickets for $20 apiece and have their licenses restored on the spot.

More than 1,200 people from five counties showed up, some with tickets 30 years old.

Lawmakers will likely introduce legislation next year that could help Vermonters beat their driver’s license suspensions because they weren’t able to pay the fines.

A separate initiative would create legislation to dismiss all tickets issued before 1991.

State leaders put forth lots of reasons to forgive these transgressors.

They can’t afford the fines.
They can’t get insurance.
It’s bad debt, so this clears the slate and gives them a fresh start.

Uh huh.

“This is not a gift,” State’s Attorney TJ Donovan told WCAX. “This is in the interest of all Vermonters because while they are on our roadways, we know they’re driving illegally, but they’re also driving without insurance.”

So people who lost their licenses because they couldn’t pay a few hundred in fines will magically afford the thousand-dollar-plus insurance policies?

Good one.

They can’t afford the fine, yes? I wonder how of the more than 20,000 Vermonters with unpaid tickets are low income?

“Uh, we do not have those numbers,” Gov. Peter Shumlin said.

A Connecticut man was clocked driving 112 mph on Interstate 89 in Royalton the other day. He was late for traffic court for a speeding ticket. He could probably use the Amnesty Day.

Whatever happened to Tony Baretta, anyway?

Apparently we’ll give you a pass on the crime if you’re poor and live in Vermont.

“This works so well, I wonder what else we could use amnesty for?” an unnamed state leader was overheard to ask.

Delinquent drivers can pay their discounted fines by check, credit card or money order. The state will not accept cash.

 

Laboring for Service

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This is a story of people laboring at their jobs. Or not.

The Post Office
The North Puffin branch Post Office no longer has a postmaster; we lost that distinction when the Postal Service decided we don’t rate service. Or at least not full time service. Our postmaster is in massive Puffin Center where, obviously, metropolitan rules must, must, must be enforced.

Our address here has been
P.O. Box 1
North Puffin VT 05990
for about the last umpty-seven years.

The North Puffin office has no real “Box 1” but our longtime postmaster set that up for us. In fact, we “share” the vanity box number with another, even longer-time resident. “It’s easy to keep straight,” she told me then.

We have a new clerk and she was ordered not to hand any mail across the window (I believe that means she’ll have to cut any packages up and fit them in our box) and to return any mail that is misaddressed. Especially mail to a “custom” box number.

In addition to our custom PO Box, we also have some mail that comes addressed to various forms of our street address. That’s fairly common in rural areas but it is increasing in these days of FedEx, UPS, and Amazon drone dropping boxes on the porch. Or the Porsche (our UPS driver left an ultra overnight envelope on the car seat once.) I’m thinking there will be a lot of pissed off campers if their credit card or cable bills or their car registrations get returned. After all, most credit card companies, cable companies, and DMVs have historically required street addresses.

“We all used to aim high. As a country we don’t aim high any more. We are too protective.”
— Walter Issacson.

Not to mention the fact that we have 37 years of precedent. And the Tyler Place, arguably a slightly larger mailer than the mighty HarperCo, has used PO Box 1 probably for longer.

Customer service? We don’ need no steenkin’ customer service. This is the Post Office, not a labor of love.

Story #2: Calendar Listings
This year is the 25th anniversary of our Summer Sounds concert series so we’re having a Big Blowout Benefit Music Festival with continuous music on Sunday, September 20, the last Sunday of summer.

The Town of Highgate, Vermont, was the original home of Summer Sounds and we’re having this bonanza in part to say “thank you!” The festival will raise money to build a band shell in Highgate for the next 25 years of music and will support programming at Camp Ta-Kum-Ta.

I posted listings for the Festival on the Free Press and Seven Days calendars. It took almost two hours each because the sites kept rejecting the entries for technical glitches. And each time they did, I had to fill in the info again.

It was so like my Healthcare.gov (and Vermont Health Exchange) experience, I wondered if CGI designed their forms.

Story #3: Internet Mail
I transferred a customer’s dot-com domain name from my old registrar to my business account at massivehostingservice.com last week.

Simple, right? Get an AUTH code, click a few buttons, and away we go. It’s the kind of job that should need no human intervention.

Well, no. Finding the EPP request on the old site was a little time consuming but I did that without human intervention. Then I spent 1:39:00 on the phone with my tech support folk at massivehostingservice.com making the transfer actually happen.

First the automated transfer page told me harpersfavoritecustomer.com was “not available to transfer.”

Say what?

I called. The phone number on their site was out of service.

Uh oh.

Googled for another number and got through. Started explaining the problem. Got put on hold. And the call quietly evaporated. Called again. Explained the problem to a knowledgeable tech. In the Philippines, I think.

“OK,” he said. “Just send the AUTH code to me at massivehostingservice-t1@outlook.com.”

Say what?

Apparently the massivehostingservice.com mail system they give tech support is very slow. They use outlook.com as a workaround. I had him send me an email from that address. It came through after getting hung in Gmail’s spam filtration. So. After the rest of that first hour passed, we got the transfer started. A couple of hours later, I got the “confirm transfer” instructions from transfers@registrar.massivehostingservice.info. I clicked the link.

Nupe. It went to the right page. I clicked the big green CONFIRM button and it faded and quit.

I called the other number and got through. Just started ‘splaining to the tech rep when the phone went back to the autoattend. I called in again and got a very nice lady in Connecticut in what sounded like her kitchen.

Lordy.

She transferred me back to the Philippines. Nice fellow. First level tech support so he was slow and had to consult but he got it done. 39 minutes later.

An (automated) email from massivehostingservice.com this morning announced a “Successful change of provider for the domain harpersfavoritecustomer.com.”

This was a tale of people laboring at their jobs. Or not.

Story #1, the Post Office, is entirely a story of people at work, working hard to make a simple task harder for their customers.

Story #2, an Internet form, is a story that needed people at work, so an online form with no help desk person to back it up failed and failed for the customers.

Story #3, an Internet service, is another story of people at work, but this time working hard to make a simple task that unfortunately failed into a success for their customers.

Happy Labor Day, everyone. Liz Arden is back home from Burning Man and will labor all day to clean alkali dust out of every crevice. SWMBO and I are off to a picnic.

 

Bashing, Redux

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I followed a Subaru out the causeway the other day. It got me to thinking.

I get a free vacation day on the fifth Monday of every month. Enjoy these thoughts from November of 2008, just two presidential election cycles ago.

Coupla things have gone wrong for our kids in the past 40-or-so years. Unfortunately, it’s my fault. And Anne’s. And Bob’s. And Sal’s. And Dangerous Bill’s. And Linda’s. And Gene’s.

Ooh, there ya go. Let’s blame it all on Geno even if he is too old for the blame.

Our generation started out anti-war and ended up anti-everything. Want to put up a windmill to save us from imported oil? Somebody will protest. Want to shoot a terrorist? Somebody will protest. Want to manufacture widgets in Vermont, make some money and put folks to work? Somebody will protest. Want to cut a mangrove? Somebody will protest. NIMBY (Not In My Backyard) wasn’t coined by George Orwell. It came from the baby boomers.

That negativity has spread so it overshadows everything American.

We see one side of it in Jeremiah Wright who said blacks should sing “God damn America.”

We see the other side in that Subaru driver. See, there is a large and growing segment of America bashers who believe anything accomplished here is necessarily flawed and anything built here is necessarily shoddy.

Malcolm Bricklin made a deal with Subaru in the 60s to form Subaru of America and to introduce their cars to the United States.

I almost bought a Subaru Brat in 1978 or ’79. This scaled-down clone of the El Camino and the Ranchero from Chevy and Ford came with 4WD, an optional turbo charger, and standard rust. It was not a good car for Vermont and it cemented my expectations about Subaru quality for a couple of decades, despite the Legacy which was a decent, mainstream car and despite the fact that my daughter and son-in-law are on their third “Subi.”

I’ve looked pretty carefully at this now “National car of Vermont.” Subaru has built owner loyalty among yuppies by building what they see as an economical alternative to the Chevy, Ford, Jeep, and Volvo lines. It’s a worthwhile car.

Subi buyers, with their brethren Honda, Saab, Toyota, and Volvo buyers, won’t consider an American car. America-bashers believe German cars offer superior luxury and performance. America-bashers believe Japanese cars offer more dependability and fuel economy. America-bashers believe Scandinavian cars offer higher safety and quality. (It’s worth noting the Subaru plant in Lafayette, Indiana, the original Honda plant in Marysville, Ohio, the Nissan plant in Smyrna, Tennessee, and the Toyota plants in Alabama, Indiana, Kentucky, Texas, and Virginia. Saab is a wholly owned subsidiary of General Motors. Volvo is a wholly owned subsidiary of Ford.)

Domestic manufacturers have cars that lead in all these areas. In the J.D. Powers June survey, Mercury passed Honda and the Chevy Malibu was one of the best new vehicles of the year. The Detroit News reports that the survey results are “a pretty good predictor” of long-term vehicle quality and consumer satisfaction. Despite that, the domestic manufacturers may never overcome the usually uneducated bias among America-bashers, particularly those in the general press.

I have examined and driven the world class cars from Cadillac, Chevy, and Ford. The big Caddy STS V-8 can out-luxe and outhandle the Mercedes C300 and it gets 25 mpg on the highway. (Don’t believe me? The 2008 CTS outscored both the Mercedes and the BMW 328i in Consumer Reports’ sport sedan review.) The Corvette can stomp pretty much any sports car on pretty much any road. And it gets better mileage than the Caddy whilst idling down the Interstate. Heck, my dad’s 1997 Lincoln got 27 on the open road and he had a serious lead foot. And then there is Malibu. 30 mpg. Comfortable. Good performance. Good fit and finish. Anne drives an Accord. The Malibu is simply better. (Consumer Reports again: “This is a heavy hitter that competes head-on with Camry, Accord, and Altima … Really no reason for GM to build the G6, Aura, Impala, or LaCrosse anymore – just sell these instead.”)

I learned to appreciate the Subaru so it is possible to change people’s minds. Maybe.

I guess others think their “foreign” cars are better than “American” cars. I guess the America-bashers are wrong. Again.

If you liked this look back, read the Bashing Followup next.

For the record, I did indeed put my money where my mouth is. I owned GM stock until Mr. Obama (the “White House car thief”) stole the company. I still drive the same Camaro and Silverado, though, and SWMBO drives a Pontiac now but we will not buy a new car from a company stolen from us.

 

Katrina 10

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Resurrection: Today is the 10th anniversary of Katrina. News stories are full of hope.

Today: The population of New Orleans is higher than ever now as more and more people pour in. More and more people are nutz.

Yesterday: The Army Corps of Engineers levees and dikes had to protect 169 square miles of lowland. Katrina’s storm surge caused 53 different breaches to the levees and dikes in and around New Orleans. 80 percent of the city was submerged with some areas under 20 feet of water.

Today: The First Baptist Church of New Orleans worked hammer-by-glove with Habitat for Humanity to rebuild homes in the Upper Ninth Ward.

Yesterday: Of the 60,000 people stranded in New Orleans, the Coast Guard and the Louisiana National Guard rescued more than 33,500. FEMA saved three.

Today: The non-profit Build Now constructed site-built, elevated, traditional New Orleans-style houses on hurricane-damaged lots and brought families back home.

Yesterday: There was no government. Thirst, exhaustion, and violence in the days after the storm caused hundreds of deaths.

The lessons of Katrina may be learned from FEMA and the Army Corps of Engineers:

If government can’t handle terraforming and storm management for 169 square miles (New Orleans scale), how on Earth does the Far Green expect government to handle terraforming and climate management for 196.9 million square miles globally?

 

Burning Man Will Not Be Held in South Puffin this Year

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It’s not because of the bugs. We have plenty of bugs in the Keys but that is apparently a new phenomenon in Black Rock City.

“DEET can save you in the Keys but we’re committed to the dry heat, not the tropics for our art,” founding board member Crimson Rose told me.

The Nazi Treasure Train and Donald Trump were trending on Facebook yesterday.

“Maybe you should write about the treasure train visiting South Puffin,” Liz Arden told me this morning.

Nah. Not much is happening in South Puffin right now. In fact not much happens in South Puffin at any time so it’s unlikely the train would make a stop here.

I got to playing with a Random Headline generator this morning because not much is happening in South Puffin right now.

Heat Fans Pissed about Kanye’s Honorary Doctorate, Administration Unfazed
That could be true but with a twist. The School of the Art Institute of Chicago did indeed grant the rapper an honorary doctorate for his “transformative, genre-defying work.” See, the college dropout grew up in Chi-town and did a quickie show for da Bulls after receiving the honor from SAIC. I’m thinking our Heat fans didn’t even know.

The “Cruel” Twist in Netflix’ Bloodline Spinoff
All 13 episodes of the original Netflix series were shot in and around the Upper Keys although the stars did appear in South Puffin’s excellent restaurants from time to time. As far as I know, Netflix has no plans to renew Bloodline, let alone spin off the disappointing Florida noir into black sheep Danny Rayburn (actor Ben Mendelsohn) running a grimy Carnival cruise ship aground in Boot Key Harbor.

I live kind of back of beyond. The directions to the house in Vermont are simple: “Drive to Canada. Turn left. Stop when you hit water.” The directions to my house in the Keys aren’t much more complicated.

Ms. Arden likes to remind me that there is not the Endless Entertainment (even on Wednesdays) that she finds in Southwest Puffin. With a million people, there’s a social event around every corner in Southwest Puffin. With hundreds of industrial employers, there are great jobs in Southwest Puffin. And, of course, get everywhere fast by subway, or bus, or trolley in Southwest Puffin.

I gave all that up for the blessings. Havana is closer to Key West than Walmart. Every big city has cars and factories and overpopulation, belching dirty air and dirtier water. Parking is impossible. Lines are long. Crime is high. The streets are n-o-i-s-y.

The Perfect Day on the WaterAlmost every day, I can try to catch a cow on a hook for dinner. As Kenneth Grahame wrote, “Believe me, my young friend, there is nothing — absolutely nothing — half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.” Or messing about on the beach near the boats. And our criminals are much quieter.

Intrigue! For those who want the real story, two treasure hunters claimed to have found the “Nazi gold train” packed with gold, gems and money from 1945, all buried in a hill in Poland. The Silesian Research Group says they found the train two years ago but someone stole their treasure map.

Orange Is the New Hitler, quoth the Random Headline generator.

And none of the headlines are true in South Puffin.