America’s Best Colleges?

“It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem,” Malcolm S. Forbes said a few years ago.

Hana R. Alberts, Michael Noer and David M. Ewalt, writing for Forbes Magazine, have published “an alternative” to the quality report that U.S. News & World Report has long issued about American higher education.

It is not the best ranking system I have seen.

Darn it. It could have been.

Malcolm S. Forbes died young, about 18 years ago. As an interesting (to me) aside, he was born on my grandfather’s birthday, August 19, but the same year my parents were born. As far as I know, my family and his had nothing else in common although I did read his magazine. Mr. Forbes published Forbes Magazine which his father founded and his son now runs.

He was graduated from Princeton University, active in politics and community, and strong-willed about his magazine which he grew large.

Despite the shallowness of the college report, I suspect the aphorism rags to rags in three generations will not apply to the Capitalist Tool Forbeses.

The Center for College Affordability and Productivity’s big idea seems worthwhile at first glance. Ranking the profs, career success, costs, graduation rates, and student recognition are all pretty good tests. Too bad their methodology fell apart at the starting gate. The group of mostly college students at CCAP gathered data from 7 million student evaluations of courses and instructors in a non-scientific, online, “inmates rating the asylum” poll site. That’s a quarter of the grade. Another quarter comes from Who’s Who listings. I have a Who’s Who listing along with a few million other Americans, so I’m pretty sure that’s not a great qualifier. Maybe they should use Wikipedia listings.

I find it interesting that Cal Tech is ahead of Harvard and that my mom’s alma mater, Swarthmore, is well ahead of Yale. Not to mention the fact that Dartmouth offers free tuition but is way down on the list.

OTOH, ya gotta ask yourself How does one really choose a school? I ended up at Stevens Institute of Technology almost by accident. I looked for schools that had belly button design. Webb didn’t accept me. Stevens did. Forbes ranked them number as either 127 or 565. Stevens is a Top-10 engineering school.

I taught in Vermont Colleges for several years. I even survived student rankings. With that caveat, I never thought that students should be allowed to design a curriculum even when I was a student and I have always believed that student ranking of teachers is too much Entertainment Tonight and too little NASA Tech Briefs.

Come on. Students go to school for one of four reasons: get out of the draft, get out of the house, get out of having to work for a living, OR TO LEARN SOMETHING. I can accept a student’s appraisal of courses or teachers after, say, long enough in the workplace to apply what was learned in school and to judge whether it helped her or hurt him.

Let me pose that as a question: Who do you want removing your appendix? The surgeon who has done it a few hundred times or the pre-med student who has read Appendectomies for Dummies?

At least Forbes recognized that “the sort of student who will thrive at Williams might drown at Caltech, to say nothing of West Point.”

That said, Forbes also believes that “these rankings reflect, in a very real way, the quality and cost of an undergraduate education at a wide range of American colleges and universities. And when families have to make a decision with a six-figure price tag and lifelong impact, we think they deserve all the information they can get.”

Pfui. I reckon that when families have to make that six-figure decision, they deserve better information than this. Here are the top 10 questions I would want answered plus a couple of extras:

Personal Questions
• Does the curriculum match what I need to learn?
• Do the instructors teach in a way that matches my learning style?
• Is the program rigor too much (or too little) for me?
• Does campus life help or hinder my growth?
• Will I find help from other alums in my chosen field?

Statistical Questions
• How much will it actually cost, net?
• What kind of job will I get upon graduation?
• Does my education stick me in a single track or can I branch out into whatever interests me as I grow?
• How much do employers and peers respect my school?
• How many freshmen wash out? How many graduate

Then, much lower on the list, come two questions CCAP asked:
• How many Nobel Prizes and MacArthur Genius Grants has the faculty accrued?
• How many Rhodes and Fulbright scholars come from the undergrad program?

Throw Da Bums Out, IV

The theme of this series has been the need for some loose cannons in politics. The Democrats (almost) have one as a V.P. candidate. The Republicans (almost) have two with John McCain’s surprise pick of Sarah Palin as his V.P. candidate. More than anything he has done in the last decade, that shows he still has a maverick streak. Despite the fact that James Garner will always be Maverick.

That’s a good thing. We need a loose cannon running for President, darn it. After all, the President sets policy, not the Vice President. The President writes pardons, not the Vice President. The President vetoes bills, not the Vice President. The President gets the glory and the barbs, not the Vice President.

I doubt it is enough.

Every candidate–incumbents included–since 1792 would have you believe he is an “agent of change.”

Candidates who want to “change the system” don’t want to change the system; candidates who want to change the system actually want their own policies implemented in the system. A true loose cannon doesn’t care about the system. A true loose cannon will subvert the system and find a way to get some real work done.

Change.

I am no longer a Republican Town Chair (political parties organize committees at the township level to nominate candidates, refine platforms, and get people elected) mostly because I now vote in Florida but also because even in liberal Vermont the Republican party has gotten too impressed with its dogma and not impressed enough with accomplishing anything.

I really may join the Librarian party.

Did you know there are more Library card carriers in these United States than there are card carrying Repuglicans and Demodonkeys combined?

Not only that, the Librarians are mostly willing to stand up to those who would erode our liberties by making us declare what we read. I may feel compelled to tell you what I’m reading but I hate being compelled to tell you what I’m reading.

“I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States…” A Librarian taught me that.

So what offices most worry us?

Remember the five basic responsibilities of Government. That means the next president needs to (1) teach the kids, (2) build the roads, (3) share knowledge and (4) encourage growth, and (5) keep other people including the government itself from robbing or nuking us.

(1) In the wake of the current “No Child Gets Ahead” program, none of the candidates is talking much about schools. A loose cannon in the Oval would surely understand that today’s first graders will pay my children’s Social Security.

(2) In spite of the epidemic of bridge collapses none of the candidates is talking much about roads. A loose cannon in the Oval would see there is a better way to fix the roads than “borrowing” from the transportation tax revenues for the general fund.

(3) Sharing knowledge has slipped from everyone’s radar. Every administration has tried to restrict information flow, whether about government action or scientific data. A loose cannon in the Oval would see that each good, open, scientific program has moved us from rolling stones on logs to rolling Rovers on Mars.

(4) Encourage growth? The dirty secret of the economy is this: the rate of invention, the rate of production, and actual income have all fallen, year after year after year. Popularly quoted statistics show only that our population and inflation have both grown. In fact, the population has doubled since 1950. More people mean more stuff but the rate of making stuff isn’t keeping pace. A loose cannon in the Oval would see that putting people to work is far better than talking about how it’s all working.

(5) Every American has heard about the pork-barrel spending^H^H^H^H, er, the “Omnibus Spending Plan.” Doesn’t that sound like the diesel fuel spreadsheet for a public transit company? There is no spreadsheet in it. Did you know the last 40,000-page Omnibus Spending Plan was bigger than Thomas Jefferson’s entire library? A loose cannon in the Oval would see there is a better way to spend my money than with an Omnibus Spending Plan.

I’m back to Paris Hilton.

If Ms. Hilton joins the Librarian party, I’ll vote for her. Heck, if she gives us a 30-second lesson in economics, I’ll vote for her in a heartbeat.

Unfortunately, the Librarians are all whackos who keep trying to shush me.

The only other choice is to vote for me at DickHarper.com/campaign . Keep trying. The site is very popular and very busy in this campaign season and it may time out.

Throw Da Bums Out, III

The rain that started last night continued this morning. I awoke at 1:15 to shut down the westerly windows.

Westerly is one of those odd words that means not only “facing the west” as I just used it but also “from the west” when writing of the wind and even “westbound” in the sense of moving toward the west as Daniel Defoe wrote. It is also is a train station in Rhode Island but not, to my knowledge, in Delaware.

The theme of this series is that we have been rained on enough; now we need a loose cannon in Western politics. The Democrats almost have one (actually two, if you count Vermont’s former governor, Howard Dean) in Joe Biden, the newly anointed Vice Presidential candidate.

Senator Biden is not a westerly candidate although he is considered a westerner everywhere else in the world. Except he is from the East so he is considered an Easterner here. Isn’t English wonderful? I like Senator Biden. He is a bright, thoughtful, articulate man who is absolutely unafraid of speaking his mind.

Unfortunately, Senator Biden’s assigned role is not that of loose cannon nor even “general smart guy.” Senator Biden’s assigned role is assistant principal. He gets to wield the paddle and chew on Senator McCain (his first major speech will portray Senator McCain’s chief financial advisor as Scrooge McDuck). Paris Hilton did it better. Worse yet, if Joe Biden spends all his time tearing down the other guy, he won’t have time to build better policy. Business as usual in the V.P. department.

The Obama/Biden theme is supposed to be “change.”

Candidates who want to “change the system” don’t want to change the system; candidates who want to change the system actually want their own policies implemented in the system.

A true loose cannon doesn’t care about the system. A true loose cannon doesn’t care about what the other guy does. A true loose cannon will subvert the system and find a way to get the real work done.

And we still need one running for President, darn it. After all, the President sets policy, not the Vice President. The President appoints the judges and signs the Executive Orders, not the Vice President. The President gets the public glory and the public pratfalls, not the Vice President.

The Republicans need one and there is still a (slim) chance they’ll pull it off. I’m not holding my breath.


In the upcoming (and we all hope final) episode of this series about the relative merits of balls for ordnance, I will explain why I really am joining the Librarian party.

Dewey Wins!

I’m not a jock. Not really. I have done some gymnastics. I had a WSI, taught swimming, and did a bit of diving. I raced cars until I retired in 1980. Despite that, I don’t watch many televised sports.

I watched the Olympics.

Michael Phelps blew me away.

One one-hundredth of a second. Eight gold medals in eight attempts.

Mr. Phelps burns more calories in an hour than I burn in a day. He swam the 4 x 200-meter relay less than an hour after winning the 200-meter fly. He won his definitive event at about 11:30 p.m., Eastern Daylight Time, on Saturday.

It is the biggest sports story of the decade bar none.

I’m glad the Red Sox won the Series. I’m glad the Pats won the Super Bowl. This is bigger. This is batting 1.000 against a spitballer. This is hitting a home run in every at bat.

Oddly, The Burlington Free Press opted to cover a different event. The front page lead story on Sunday and the sports page lead story on Sunday was that Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt “shattered the men’s 100-meter record Saturday.” Sorry, Mr. Phelps. I guess the Secretary really will “disavow any knowledge of your actions.”

The Freep did have a little box of weasel words down low on the sports page. We’re sorry, they said. We know Michael Phelps was swimming yesterday but we had to go to bed early and we missed it.

I understand that the reporters’ union requires the paper to allow us to sleep once a week and that Saturday night is it. But really. The only good news here is that the Freep avoided the “Dewey Defeats Truman!” kind of headline. The bad news is that this was the biggest sports story of the decade. Somebody should have stayed up for it.

Throw Da Bums Out, II

We need a loose cannon in politics now more than ever; it’s too bad today’s politicians shoot blanks.

In the first part of this series, we discovered that our current presidential candidates don’t have the answers.

For about 30 nanoseconds I thought I might vote for Ralph Nader. After all that’s a sure vote for Mickey Mouse or NOTA. Too bad the message sent with that vote is that Mr. Nader represents the change I want to see. That’s not my message so I retracted my Goofy vote last week.

Here’s the right message: officeholders have indeed changed. Officeholders have changed from peeps who want to do important stuff for us to peeps who want to do everything for us. Political party notwithstanding, politicians believe in their hearts of hearts that they know what you need waaaaaaay better than you know what you need. And they have fought each other to a standstill to give it to us. Read that again. It works on a lot of levels.

Sorry, folks. I know what I need and I know who can provide it.

I need less gummint. I need fewer laws. I need smaller taxes. And I need better roads.

Government has five basic responsibilities: establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence (sic), promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty. That’s it. That means the next president needs to teach the kids, build the roads, share knowledge and encourage growth, and keep other people from robbing or nuking us.

Deciding whether a former ballplayer took steroids may keep Senators McCain and Obama (mostly) out of trouble but it ain’t what we elected them for and it ought not be what gets either into higher office.

The senators—that would be the ones who eat at the public trough, not the former ballplayers—spend entirely too much time taking potshots at each other instead of working together to hit a home run for their constituents.

That would be thee and me.

Within the Presidential responsibilities, this campaign has just two issues: the economy and the price of gas. Do you really believe Senator McCain will lead us out of the economic doldrums? Do you really believe Senator Obama will do anything but give away some of the oil we already have? I found a candidate who says she can fix it.

I love Paris in the springtime.
I love Paris in the fall.
I love Paris in the winter when it drizzles,
I love Paris in the summer when it sizzles.
I love Paris every moment,
Every moment of the year.

Sorry, Mr. Porter.

For those who live on another planet, Senator McCain took a cheap shot at Senator Obama and put Paris Hilton in play. Ms. Hilton responded with an energy policy video that makes more sense than anything either candidate has said.

The next president needs to teach the kids, build the roads, share knowledge and encourage growth, and keep other people from robbing or nuking us. Apparently, only a loose cannon can do that.

If Ms. Hilton gives us a 30-second lesson in economics, I’ll endorse her. She could be just the loose cannon we need.


In the upcoming episode of this series about the ballistic properties of ballplayers, I will explain the Democratic shortfall.