What a Disaster!

Policemen police. Runners run. Writers write. And we all look over our own shoulders now and then.

This week I write about what I missed. And what I didn’t.

I cherish a few beliefs about myownself. This blog isn’t about me. These columns are what Faux News calls fair and balanced. And I AM™ never w-r-r-rong.

OK. Two out of three ain’t bad.

Last month, in writing about millionaires, I admitted that I’d rather be a millionaire than not. I’m not going to increase my personal wealth much by putting a Paypal button on this site. The week before that, I confessed that I now understand why liberals don’t geddit. And just two weeks before, I told the story of my mom at the corner of High and Gay.

This is my 333 entry since I started blogging in 2008. 220 of them have been in the op-ed category I call Random Access. Many of those (151) fell in the Politics and News category. I imagine you can figure out what topics I covered.

“Politics is like the weather,” I wrote in 2008. “Everybody talks about it. People think they can predict the weather. Or change it.”

The pieces that had more impact were more personal. 2010 was a busy year. Liz Arden sent me a family picture of herself with her parents and I riffed that into a story about my mom as an elderly woman who could have been slain by a taxi. We learned that “full” in a small town parking lot is different than “full” in Miami or New York. gekko and I wrote an ongoing series together.

My family didn’t have a lot of stuff when I was growing up. We had a boat but not a lot of cash. My dad’s job was the typical junior exec and we shared the homestead with my grandfather; we all had to work for what we did have. I came out of that feeling depraved but not deprived.

Rufus missed [bleep]ing Asbestos Dust back in May. He was amazed. The rest of us about died. A week earlier, I had written that “Kids aren’t allowed to eat dirt.” Number One daughter had been banned from classes because she wore a t-shirt to school.

I did spend some time wondering why my friend Swampy Swamtek, with all his brainpower, with all his education, with all his belief in conservation, can’t remember to turn out the lights when he leaves a room. I remembered that, since the heady days of Apollo 13 forty years ago, no man has had to walk twenty-five miles to school every morning, uphill, barefoot. Both ways. According to this president’s plan no American man ever will again.

And I took some time off from worrying about the claim that women’s hot flashes are responsible for Global Warming to reminisce about my sports car races in the 70s.


I somehow missed the fact that the Mets did not make the World Series. I didn’t once write about the United/Continental airline’s merger that brought together 700 planes, dropped employment from 88,000 to 77,000, and shared 7 bags of 2003 peanuts among us. Airlines put fares up $20 across the board. I never once mentioned Christine O’Donnell’s Rhodes Scholarship in comedy which is at least as credible as her candidacy turned out to be.

I’ll keep hammering the small town politicians who want you to believe that paying twice as much for half as many police officers in your town is a way to save you (tax) money. And when Congress acts on H.R.6907, a measure to ban further activity at Eyjafjallajökull, you’ll hear about it here first. Most important, in the spirit of WikiLeaks, pretty much everything personal rattling around between my ears will sooner or later fall out on these pages.

Politics is like the climate. Everybody talks about it. People think they can predict the climate. Or change it.

Words not on Paper

“I have to switch back to my iPod, since my audio book is on that device,” Liza Arden told me. “I can listen to it in iTunes and on my iPod, but not on my Android phone because Audible dot com does not provide multiple versions when you purchase a la carte.”

Elizabeth “Liza” Arden is an engineering manager with a long commute, a gymnast, and no relation to the cosmetic maven.

She still likes print on paper but is more likely to read with her ears or on a device.

Liza may be one reason Dorchester Publishing has stopped printing its bread-and-butter “mass market” paperback books as it transitions to e-books and “trade” sized paperbacks.

The typical mass market paperback uses cheaper paper, has few illustrations, and smaller print, all to fit the story into the smaller (usually about 4″ x 7″) book. The larger trade paperback are usually printed on better paper and have font and line spacing similar to a hardcover book.

E-book revenue has gone from 0.5 per cent of publisher revenue about two years ago to nearly 10 per cent now. According to a recent Harris Interactive poll of 2,775 American readers, 8% of the reading population uses e-books already and those reading electronically are reading more books more often. Popular e-readers are available from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and applications are available for computers, iPads, smartphones, and PDAs.

I have that gut feel as well although the numbers are probably closer than we think. Typical trade margin ranges between 37% discount and 50%. Most popular books cost the publisher half the cover but reference titles typically run 37%. Wholesalers work on low single digit spreads. Co-op is another 3-5 points at most publishers.

Printing costs (meaning for a physical book) also include the cost of returns and warehousing. There is a non-negligible “warehousing” cost for the server farm and Internet infrastructure for an e-book. The biggest problem with trade publishing and the reason it is a single digit net margin business is returns which can run as high as 40%. These are good numbers:


by %

in $
Book List Price

100%

$6.99

to retailer

50%

3.50

printing

8%

0.56

inventory and obsolescence

10%

0.70

royalties

7%

0.49

sales and marketing

10%

0.70

overhead and warehousing

10%

0.70

co-op

2%

0.14

editorial

4%

0.28

If you noticed, the publisher’s cost adds up to more than the 50% “take.” The actuality is that some of the fixed costs (like printing) really is fixed based on run size and other constant costs (like , overhead, and editorial) probably are indeed fixed for any issue, meaning it costs, say, $1,000 to edit a book. That’s the reason a mass market paperback now costs $7.95-9.95 instead of $1.50-3.95. Ditto the $6.99 e-book cost.

Let’s consider that from the e-book side. These are made up numbers but pretty accurate:

by %
in $
Book List Price

100%

$6.99

to online retailer

50%

3.50

royalties

20%

1.40

sales and marketing

15%

1.05

overhead and warehousing

10%

0.70

editorial

4%

0.28

There’s the potential for actual profit in there.

Founded in 1971, Dorchester is the oldest independent mass-market publisher in the U.S. Their romance line has included Christine Feehan, Jayne Ann Krentz, Katie MacAlister, Lynsay Sands, and more. The private company specializes in mass-market paperback fiction in romance, horror, Westerns and thriller genres. They also distribute pulp mysteries of the Hard Case Crime line and the Family Doctor series.

Dorchester sees the market soaring as more devices, apps, and programs become available. They predict that e-reader and e-book sales will continue to increase. The company will also offer print-on-demand (paper) copies for selected titles through Ingram Publisher Service. Some e-books that sell well will also be released as P-O-D trade paperbacks.

Dorchester’s e-books are available at most major vendors and compatible with most platforms at an average price of $6.99. Trade paperbacks will be priced in the $12 to $15 range.

Romance novels. Science fiction. Textbooks. Mainstream fiction. Are newspapers next?

Four years ago, IFRA — the newspaper trade group in Germany — and The New York Times started looking at De Tijd “e-paper” devices.

What a lousy idea that is!

Let’s imagine, just for a moment, that I’m the typical book-or-newspaper reader today. I have a few minutes here, a few there to read. I might take a little downtime at my desk. I’ll poop at least once for a few uninterrupted minutes in the “reading room.” I’ll stand in line at the grocery store, do 40 flights on the stair climber, and commute to work.

I absolutely do not want yet another device just to read my newspaper on.

“My desk has a computer that I usually stare at; I want what I’m reading right there,” Liza said. She won’t take her laptop to the reading room, so “I want today’s tome on my (waterproof) smartphone for that or for standing in line. Sitting by the pool is a great place for a full size e-book. Drive time isn’t, but that is perfect for an audio book. So is going to the gym.”

Americans once had a love affair with multi-featured gadgets. I have a Shopsmith, for example, that my grandfather built furniture with in the fifties and my father cut two fingers off with in the sixties. I still have all my appendages. The Shopsmith is a lathe-based woodworking tool with a single motor that drives its lathe, tablesaw, drill press, horizontal boring mill, and disc sander. Like MS-DOS, you have to stop using one tool to mount, setup, and use the next.

Most of us today have individual tools, hence our pockets and purses crammed with smart phones, iPods, netbooks, and Kindles™.

A monthly Audible contract would give Liza access to multiple versions of a file but even that offers Mac, Windows, or Linux computer and iPod files, but not for computers, iPod and any additional MP3 devices. Audible also offers a monthly subscription to The New York Times Audio Digest.

The book publishing and the newspaper industries can make both the Shopsmith owner and Liza happy.

Bundling.

Dear publisher:

I can nuke my TV dinner or cook it in the oven. Surely you can do the same.

When I buy my next book, I want a printed book on actual paper. I want an e-book in the three major formats. An audiobook on CD, AAC, and mp3. And a cross-platform app for my computer and my PDA or smartphone. All in that one package.

Theng yew vedda mush.





Anger Management

There, I said it.

Come to think of it, I am downright vexed. See, everywhere I look, people are trying to exasperate me and that just pisses me off.

BP, the company so many Americans have come to hate. They screwed up. The government screwed up. And the public got screwed. Meanwhile, 153 days of media coverage exacerbated the anger and fanned the flames. BP blamed the government which aggravated everybody. People on the ground blamed BP which antagonized BP but pleased pretty much everyone else. The media blitzed the scientists by offering conflicting reports, then blaming the experts for not knowing the answers. They took science down another notch which irks me. Lot of anger in that paragraph.

Anybody been to court lately? When our Visigoth neighbors decided some of our land was their land, they dragged us before the local zoning board, then sued us in both Vermont’s Superior and Environmental courts. They lied which inflamed me. I resisted which affronted them. Lot of anger in that paragraph.

“The only litigation more contentious than a divorce is a boundary line dispute,” our lawyer said. He, at least, was happy.

It goads people (“goad,” not “goat,” although it probably gets some goats, too) when I say this but Islam galls us. Some Muslims enrage us. One of the reasons they do, aside from claiming “religion of peace” status whilst trying to kill us, is simple: raving Muslim terrorists stir up embittered Muslim illiterates to blast unsuspecting Americans while ruffled rank-and-file Muslims stand idly by. Lot of anger in that paragraph.

Jealousy. There’s a biggie. In another arena gekko said “jealousy became more important than the relationships I craved.” Proverbs reminds us that Anger is cruel and destructive, but it is nothing compared to jealousy. Still, when Anthony Lozano threatened, bound, and tortured his girlfriend who eventually escaped the home they shared, all allegedly because he found a post on her Facebook page from another man, he certainly acted out his exasperation, irritation, and temper.

Take politics (sounds like a Henny Youngman joke). Here in Vermont, Demorat Peter Shumlin is riling his supporters (and the opposition) to a full boil over the Repuglican Brian Dubie’s hateful stand to renew the Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant license. Mr. Dubie has maddened his supporters (and the opposition) by calling Mr. Shumlin a liar and a liberal. Lot of anger in that paragraph.

I’m a political junkie. I have chaired political committees, sat in political booths at field dayses, and walked the streets registering voters. I have run for office. I am now a “Librarian” but I started out as a Republican. I stuck it out until the party started to rant and rankle. I generally like the ideas individual Tea Party peeps discuss, but the Tea Party as a whole scares me because they monger anger. Their invective leverages agitation, outrage, and seething, steaming umbrage to whip voters into the mob frenzy independent of the thought process.

All extremists favor those tactics. The media who know that if you bleed, it leads. The lawyers who charge by the infuriating hour. The religious freaks who bristle over a Bris. The control freaks who flip over Facebook. And the politicians, whether they be home grown “officials,” terrorist fanatics, miffed militia men, or radical revolutionaries.

Provocation pays.


Here’s my plan for the 43 days until November 2 (and all the days in the future):

  • If you are in the media and you pump out lies designed to get on my nerves, you will succeed and I will not buy from your sponsors.
  • If you belong to an extremist religion and continue to support the people who want to kill me, it will offend me and I will ask that you lose your tax exempt status.
  • If you are a politician seeking my vote, stop. If you name your opponent it will anger me and I will write my own name in on the ballot.

Breaking News:
I am just sooooooooo tired of these airheads: The NYTimes reports that, “Democrats are deploying the fruits of a yearlong investigation into the business and personal histories of Republican candidates in an effort to plant doubts about them.” !@#$%^ing !@#$%^ers.





Short. Not Sweet.

I must be a racist. After all, I’m white and conservative, and I don’t think we should have an African-American president.

There. I said it.

I AM™ absolutely convinced we should not have an African-American president.

Read the next sentence in full because regular readers know what I think of Mr. Obama’s ability to govern. I’m perfectly OK with Barack Obama as a black man or a “person of color” or a purple man with pink polka dots but we ought not have an African-American president.

We should have an American president. Period.

Anyone who thinks we should have a hyphenated president is just plain nuts.

“No person except a natural born Citizen … shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty-five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.” Not a natural born citizen of Europe. Not a natural born citizen of Antarctica. Not a natural born citizen of Africa. A natural born citizen of America. Those who become citizens here by birth or immigration are no longer citizens of somewhere else. They are Americans, darn it, not European-Americans nor Antarctic-Americans nor African-Americans.

Americans.

This whole argument irks me. Are there racist idiots in the Tea Party? Absolutely. Are there racist idiots in the Communist Party of the United States? Positively. Have the Lefty Loons trotted out the race card every day since 2008 to deflect us from their failed policies? Without doubt. Have the Tighty Righties stupidly responded to those slurs over and over again? Right again.

Former Vermont Governor Howard Dean called Fox News “absolutely racist” on Fox News Sunday. Vermont state veterinarian Robert Johnson also says there have been an unusual number of fox attacks this year, but it’s not cause for alarm. The latest attack happened a couple of weeks ago in Bennington when a rabid fox bit 8-year-old Rimmele Wood on the leg. His father killed the fox with an ax.

Some of our liberal friends are probably considering that solution for Fox News.

Perhaps everyone, not just the Wood family, needs the rabies shots. As my roofer friend Dino likes to say, sometimes I think I fell down the rabbit hole and we’re wandering around with Alice in Blunderland.

Gulf. Seawater. Explodes.

A friend posted a news clip on Facebook, to wit:

Recently, a News 5 investigation collected samples from multiple beaches in and around the Gulf region. Samples were taken in areas where kids were playing and swimming. The results were absolutely terrifying.

Good thing she didn’t test for arsenic. Also a good thing she didn’t read any actual scientific papers, I replied.

It sure would be refreshing to find a local news anchor who had even the remotest clue about science.

Another Facebook buddy commented on the link.

“@Dick: Did you actually watch the clip? If you had, you would know that the comment about the sample came from an analytical chemist (a “he”), and you’d also know that the sample was being tested for oil concentration, and underwent a surprisingly violent reaction that destroyed its Erlenmeyer flask because it contained an unknown component (dispersant? methane? they didn’t know).”

Pfui. He was trolling, right? Surely he must have been trolling. If he has heard the word Erlenmeyer flask somewhere, then he has enough technical knowledge to understand that (a) the reporter had no idea what she was talking about, (b) the report was full of scare stuff and devoid of much science stuff, and © Erlenmeyer flasks have flat bottoms. Jessica Taloney (the “she” I referenced) was the reporter. I don’t know if she has a flat bottom.

Robert Naman, the chemist “she” interviewed, told us that sea water typically has about 5 ppm of oil. The reporter scared us by saying “from 16 ppm to 221 ppm, our results are concerning.” Why? She didn’t tell us if 221 gallons of oil in a million gallons of sea water is fatal to humans or if it is only a problem when she needs ratings. She didn’t tell us if the oil in the marina (the highest concentration she measured) was from Deepwater Horizon or from a leak on the boat she used to dip the water. Marinas usually have higher concentration of oil in the water than beaches. SHE DIDN’T TELL US BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T KNOW. And neither did my Facebook buddy.

But the comment about the sample came from an analytical chemist.

Woo hoo. I Googled. Didn’t find anything about Robert Naman in the ACS rolls. The exploded flask did “contain an unknown component” so they speculated on how bad it was but SHE DIDN’T TELL US WHAT BLEW UP BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T KNOW. And neither did my Facebook buddy.

“News 5 will test that water for chemicals, specifically chemicals linked to the dispersant being used in the Gulf, Corexit,” Ms. Taloney reported alarmingly.

Well, isn’t that special. Mr. Naman doesn’t know what caused the explosion but Ms. Taloney will make sure they hang it on a chemical she knows nothing about.

I’m not a chemist nor do I play one on TV. I have no idea, based on the “WKRG News” report, whether the amount of oil they found is a reasonable average for the areas they sampled, is toxic in the concentrations they did find, or even if it came from Deepwater Horizon. I have no idea because the reporter did such a lousy job. SHE DIDN’T TELL US BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T KNOW. And neither did my Facebook buddy.

Unfortunately, my Facebook buddy (and WKRG “News”) want to make it into something that keeps us scared.

Gulf. Seawater. Explodes. And that, dear reader, is how the media deceives us.