Roads to Riches

I didn’t want to write this column but I snoozed through most of the Monday n00z.

Everybody’s writing about how Olympic “cyclists covered a 156 mile course through the English countryside and towns south of London including the town of Dorking, which is home to the world-famous Dorking Cockerel” and I’m tired of politics because none of those airheads is doing anything new. They all went to Dorking Cockerel, too, I think, but they didn’t stay there.

This photo is making the rounds on the Interwebs.


political poster

Half the blogosphere thinks President Obama is a traitor for trashing entrepreneurs and the other half thinks Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) is a traitor for supporting entrepreneur-politician Mitt Romney.

What, are you nuts?

The least little reading of history — even a World Book Encyclopedia entry — not to mention economics should have taught us how American business followed the river, the trail, the railroad, and then the highway. See, you don’t have trade without transport.

Mile 0Business success drove some roads. Indiana entrepreneur Carl Fisher dreamed up the Lincoln Highway, a road that would make a bee-line coast-to-coast from Times Square to San Francisco. It was first officially recorded in 1913 only about 40 years after the first steam powered, carriage-sized “automobile” drove the existing wagon roads in Wisconsin. About the same time Mr. Fisher was pushing roughly along the 40th Parallel, the Atlantic Highway was established to connect Quebec and Miami. We know that road today as U.S. 1.

Mr. Fisher drove down the Atlantic Highway and did a little bit of real estate development around Miami. Fisher Island, for instance.

Automobile traffic increased. Trade grew. Trade increased. Automobile traffic grew. Planners started drawing a nationwide highway system in 1921. The New York parkway system, Route 66, and other famous routes were built in the twenties as local or state highway systems but we needed the interconnected national system to supplement the existing United States Numbered Highways system.

Yeah, yeah. Dr. Paul maybe wants to make the point that Korea builds roads for different reasons than we do. And the Rightie-Tighties apparently want to remind us that Mr. Obama wants to build more roads with our money.

Or something.

Regular visitors may recall that I abhor negative advertising. I dislike stupid advertising even more.

My grandfather would not use Dial soap because their TV ads trumpeted, “Don’t you wish everybody did?”

He didn’t wish that and so he didn’t use the product.

If your political ads piss off the voters, they won’t vote against the other guy. If your political ads lie to the voters, they won’t vote against the other guy. They simply won’t vote. And that’s a vote for the other guy.

Mr. Obama, speaking in Roanoke on July 13, said, “If you’ve got a business, you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.”

The North Korean highway photo doesn’t answer that. The North Korean highway photo just annoys anyone even a little economically literate. At least posters like this one are a far better play on that theme:


political poster

Literature?

“Little men are covering my street with political ‘literature’,” Liz Arden complained this morning.

I’m maybe the wrong writer to tackle this. After all, my high school English teacher made us memorize John Donne’s birth date and Stevens Institute of Technology didn’t even know how to spell the word in the 70s.

Miss Spocketpump, the high school English teacher whose name I have changed to protect myself, taught a “Survey Course in English Literature” for us kids in college prep. I don’t remember much from that course other than a dense textbook with reams of writings by the greats of history. When she told me I would fail the final exam, I did something unparalleled in my academic history before or since. I anticipated how she could structure a test that would trip me. Then I memorized exactly what I needed to beat the test. It was half the grade.

quarryI spent all day on the Sunday before the exam at the Quarry, our “swimming hole,” reading and rereading the quarter-page biographies of more than 100 writers included in that tome. I knew Donne’s birthday (sometime between January 24 and June 19, 1572). I could tell you who Robert Browning married and when Tennyson died. I knew how much Dickens earned per word. But I had no Great Expectations stored about Morte D’Arthur or any words of metaphysical poetry.

Not a great introduction to literature or literary pursuits, I’m thinking.

“Little men are covering my street with political ‘literature’,” Ms. Arden had said. “Why can’t they just call it spam?”

Literature has a much broader definition than I remembered:

Literature (from Latin litterae (plural); letter) is the art of written work, and is not confined to published sources (although, under some circumstances, unpublished sources can also be exempt). The word literature literally means “acquaintance with letters” and the pars pro toto term “letters” is sometimes used to signify “literature,” as in the figures of speech “arts and letters” and “man of letters.” The four major classifications of literature are poetry, prose, fiction, and non-fiction.

The art of written work. Art. That’s more what we mechanics think of as literature. The O.E.D. points us to written works with “superior or lasting artistic merit.” Expression and form, topics of universal interest, and some degree of permanence are essential to my definition and to Ms. Arden’s.

booksBut there is more. We allow the writings of a country or on a particular subject in the broad category of literature. It can be English or scientific or music or it can concern a group of items such as automobiles.

When my mom earned her B.A.-English, she read literature from Shakespear to Saroyan. She used the word properly.

When your doctor says he’ll “consult the literature” to determine if your symptoms show you have sarcoidosis (They do. Trust me on that.), he uses the word properly.

When I need to know the allowable deflection in a frimjamb or how to hardwire a network conniption, I “consult the literature.” OK, I Google™ but the results are the same. And I used the word properly.

The four major classifications of literature are poetry, prose, fiction, and non-fiction. Both Homer and Herodotus explicitly excluded spam, the fifth element in the written classes, from the list. After all, there may be considerable art in selling a sexual aid by email or a candidate by door hanger, but literature it ain’t.

Persembe Peeves

Victoria’s Secret used Kanye West and Jay-Z as their musical entertainment on Tuesday. Edgy. Popular. The beat was great for runway strutting but their lyrics are soooooooooo angry I wouldn’t use them to sell my merchandise.

Turns out Mr. West got 7 Grammy nominations last night including one for his joint venture with Jay-Z, Watch the Throne. I now understand why he and Jay-Z wanted to perform together on the Vicky runway.

I just don’t understand why Vicky wanted them.

Eat More

Heh.

I don’t know about you but I still have a lot of turkey left over.

Different turkey here so I hope you stopped by for something other than the recipes.

Bo Muller-Moore is a folk artist in Montpelier, Vermont who made the national news today and not for his new spray paint/stencil prints at the Montpelier Art Walk. Those images at the Skinny Pancake honored some of the animals of Vermont and the cavemen that painted them first.

eatmorekaleMr. Muller-Moore has built a substantial home business around the words “eat more kale” which silkscreens on T- and sweatshirts. He calls it “an expression of the benefits of local agriculture.”

For the record, I put kale right up there with lima beans in the food pantheon but I will fight to the death your right to eat it. It is probably better for you than limas, too.

A couple of Mr. Muller-Moore’s friends, “Paul and Kate of High-Ledge Farm, penned the phrase over ten years ago when they special ordered two shirts for themselves. I must admit, I gave the design very little thought,” he wrote. “I drew the letters and cut the stencil in less than 20 minutes. I printed their shirts and delivered them at the next farmer’s market. The idea became ‘viral’ before people knew what ‘viral’ was, then quickly spread to all corners of the world.”

Meanwhile Chick-fil-A, the second-largest chicken restaurant chain in the country, owns and aggressively guards the trademarked phrase eat mor chikin™. Chick-fil-A, the second-largest chicken restaurant chain in the country, sounds very Canadian to my ear, eh? I thought Canadians could spell, eh?

Mr. Muller-Moore has now filed a trademark application for “eat more kale.” About 30 seconds later, the second-largest chicken restaurant chain’s legal team sent him a cease-and-desist letter in which they listed at least 30 examples of attempts by others to co-opt the “eat more” phrase, attempts that they bullied into withdrawing. The letter ordered him to stop using the phrase and to turn over his website, eatmorekale.com, to Chick-fil-A.

VermonsterThis is not the first time a Vermonter has had to stand up on his hind feet.

Matt Nadeau’s Rock Art Brewery is a micro brewery in Morrisville, Vermont. A couple of years ago they introduced a beer called “Vermonster” that ran afoul of the Hansen Natural brand “Monster” energy drink folks. The two settled the case when Rock Art agreed never to go into the energy drink business. As far as I know, Ben & Jerry never went after Mr. Nadeau for infringing on their 14,000 calorie bucket with the same name.

At the end of the day, I kinda don’t think anyone will buy an ‘eat more kale’ shirt thinking it was a Chick-fil-A turkey.