“Lindsay Lohan is undergoing treatment at the Betty Ford.” “Mo’Nique wants us all to stop picking on poor Lindsay Lohan.” “Troubled star Lindsay Lohan is fighting back at a company that filed a lawsuit against her for allegedly stealing spray tan secrets.”
Spray tan secrets?
Lilo coverage. It’s all LiLo, all the time. Faux News, Los Angeles Times, NYTimes.
This is news? Hey mainstream media! Isn’t it time to let intrepid boy reporter Jerry Springer cover this important story?
I have an appointment with my doctor for my usual six-month mirror fogging on Friday. He was a very young doc when I stated going to him more than 30 years ago. Now it turns out he’s my age.
A woman in the office called today, as someone in the doctor’s office always does anymore, to confirm the appointment.
“Don’t forget your new insurance cards and be sure to bring your photo ID,” she said.
Photo ID? Jeezum, you’d think that, after staring at my navel for more than 30 years, the doc would recognize me by now. Or at least my navel.
If anyone other than Newt Gingrich had said, “There should be no mosque near Ground Zero in New York so long as there are no churches or synagogues in Saudi Arabia,” more people might listen.
I spent some time on the phone this morning trying to remember the name of a shrieky comedian. Google didn’t quite deliver on that but does on gilbert shrieky comedian.
We have stopped our oral tradition — I don’t tell jokes anymore; I simply push FORWARD — so we can’t remember as much as our parents do or theirs did. We have no memories if Google lets us down.
Gilbert Gottfried is a stand-up comedian and actor known for his loud and grating voice.
Why is it that TSA won’t let one sealed, 12-ounce can of Pepsi through the security check-in but a woman with a double decker cart of cased soda bottles sails right through?
Why is the Brother HL-2170W printer Quick Start Guide 12% larger than the entire User’s Guide?
Note to VTRANS (the Vermont Department of Transportation): a huge, blinking, traffic sign that reads “BRIDGE WORK BEGINS” is a great idea. A huge, blinking, traffic sign that reads “BRIDGE WORK BEGINS 9/2” is far more useful.