Author Archives: Special Contributor

Guest Post: George says Today is *F* Day

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“F” can stand for a lot of things to different people–depending on where their mind is.

As a Morse Radio intercept operator in the military, we learned the code by associating the cadence of the dots and dashes of the letters in the alphabet to the cadence of ordinary phrases.

For example, to someone familiar with Morse code charts, “F” is written as dot dot dash dot. But experienced radio men do not use dots and dashes in their lingo. They use dits and dahs to stand for dots and dashes. So, from experienced lips, it would seem that “F” would be spoken as dit dit dah dit. But not so . Here’s why:

You see, in true radio lingo, when two consecutive dits are used to make part of the coded for a particular letter, they are not sounded as separate, single-syllable words, but are combined into one double-syllable word, and sounded out as “ditty”. So, dit dit becomes “ditty” when spoken.

Therefore, when “F” (dit dit dah dit)is articulated in experienced Morse lingo, as ditty dah dit, with the first two dits expressed as ditty, and final dit being expressed singularly as “dit”: “ditty dah dit”. See how simple that is?

Here’s where it gets funny:

As I said above, operators learn the code by associating the combined sounds of the dits and dahs in individual letters with the sound of ordinary phrases. An example: “N” in code is dah dit, and students learn that N–in code–sounds like “Got It”. (Geddit? Dah Dit, Got It). Okay…

Yes, every letter in the alphabet, when converted to Morse Code, has a similarly sounding phrase attached to it for learning purposes. For example, “Q” is, dah dah dit dah, or “Pay Day today”.

Believe it or not, this is the system that military radio schools use to teach young men and women how to recognize the sounds of dits and dahs of Morse Code and to be abe to slap the words down on paper.

And this brings me back to “F” day, and the subject of this message: Remember, “F” is ditty-dah-dit. And ditty dah dit sound like… (and you’re gonna just crap when you hear this)…in learning lingo, ditty dah dit sounds like “get a haircut”. So, today is the day I have to go get a haircut.

BTW, Beau Pinder (North Puffin’s mayor and general roue)’s initials are BP.

“B” is dah-dit-dit-dit, or dah ditty dit. In learning lingo, dah ditty dit sounds like “Big Chickenshit”. but it gets better:

“P” is sounded out as dit dah dah dit, or “The Girls Love it.”

Hasn’t this been an interesting message?

— George Poleczech

Guest Post: George says This May Not Be Bloggable

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George Poleczech is a dooms-day survivalist. He believes the world will end December 23, 2014 — two years and two days beyond the end of the Mayan calendar because that is the day his Mexican barber swears is the number of years and days that the Mayan calendar is out of whack because the entire Mayan society got drunk and stayed drunk for 732 days back when record keeping was important before the Spaniards arrived and mucked things up.

George has a large stash of nonperishable foodstuffs put away for tough times, and 12-23-2014 is his red letter day for All Hell Breaking Loose. Heaven help us all if his barber is right.

Anyway, this is George’s culinary contribution to Survival in the 21st Century.

George writes:Today was experimental day at the Poleczech home, pretending that the S**t had hit the Fan, and that my bride and myself were having to stretch Peter’s underwear to feed Paul’s appetite. It was all just an experiment, so I could afford to be whimsical.

To underwrite this endeavor I took a can of Sam’s Club premium salmon and decided to make fried fritters with it — enough to feed a family of five for a full meal and then some. To do that, I needed a packet of ready-to-stir cornbread mix with directions plain to read on the side of the box. I chose Martha White because the print was large.

Fast forward: I mixed the cornbread according to the directions and added a 15 oz can of Sam’s premium salmon and stirred it in thoroughly. Then, I added the secret ingredient that I had learned some 65 years ago at the culinary feet of my dad, who was the real cook in the family. (Of course, the secret ingredient shall remain a secret). Without it, the fritters will come apart in the fry oil and turn into a messy, crumbly glob.

Then, I heated a skillet with about 1/3 inch of vegetable oil, and when it was smoky hot, I spooned in the first seven fritters and watched them sizzle to browny perfection. I performed this action thrice until I had 22 fried salmon fritters piled on a flat plate; and then I called Mrs George in to enjoy the first fruits. She was impressed.

Prior to our sitting down, she had opened a can of okra and tomatoes as an accompaniment to the tasty treats. What else could serve so well? Okra and tomatoes keep you regular.

But then the ultimate question arose. What for wine?

I mean, what kind of wine does one choose for salmon fritters and okra and tomatoes? Mrs George had the perfect choice. She chose a vintage Pouilly-Fuisse from Walmart ($2.97 a bottle). Perfect.

Me, I had a beer.

She chose to compliment the fish ingredient of her fritters with a gourmet tartar sauce, and I smeared mine with ketchup to enjoy the cornbread DNA of the mixture. To each his/her own.

Of the 22 fritters, we left 13 for snacks later on. We wiped out the okra and tomatoes.

As we sat and sipped the last drops from our wine glasses, Mrs George arched a provocative eyebrow, touched me beneath the table and demurely inquired what the secret ingredient was.

Did she really think I would give away such a vital secret on the veiled promise of passion’s pleasure? I told her to kiss off. No way was I going to give up the secret that had been passed down from father to son — from one millennium to another.

She left the table in a snit — leaving me to do the dishes and scrub the skillet.

So be it. Some secrets are worth scrubbing pots for.

Isn’t this an interesting message?

Guest Post: George says Peppers and Beans Planted

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I put the title in larger letters because I’ve been struggling with that chore for over a week — I having been hampered by a combination of soil conditions, other important tasks and laziness.

I am nearly a month behind in my seed planting because of an unusually wet and cool Spring. It’s all that global warming that Algor has spread around.

Every time I intended to get (re)started, one of the hamperings would show up to stop me. Later today I will get the cucumbers planted <finally> and set some onions.

Last week I planted half a jar of pickles and some macaroni, but nothing came up. I think the bugs got to it. I love macaroni because you can push the middle out of it and get spaghetti. Most people don’t know that.

These pepper plants were in a bio-degradable pot that you can just set in a hole with ample fertilizer and cover it adequately with soil. No transplanting shock.

A glance at the clock revealed it to be past 12 noon, which is the legal pub opening time on Sunday here in this One Nation Under God. So, to show her appreciation for my diligence, Mrs Geno just brought me a meatloaf sandwich and a bottle of Mexican beer.

BTW, bio-degradable pot is the only kind my Canadian friend Deadfloyd will smoke.

Isn’t this an interesting message?

— George Poleczech

Guest Post: Fanny calls Challenger Challenge Challenging

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The Messenger reported yesterday that Missisquoi Valley Union High School students may get “the opportunity to send probes into Jupiter’s atmosphere and look for signs of life in the water beneath the ice on Jupiter’s frozen moon Europa” if the school can get funding for a Challenger Center for Space Science Education.

That is an exceptional opportunity. I hope it can happen but we need much more to make the experience fair and equitable.

Two simulators form the heart of the center, one at NASA and one at the International Space Station. The Learning Center simulators duplicate the mission control experience to give students the same audio and visual information the NASA scientists and engineers use. Students prepare for their missions with curricula designed in conjunction with NASA.

Students also work in teams to solve mission problems such as designing space probes, analyzing data, and calculating the maneuvers and trajectories for their space ship.

The Challenger Center for Space Science Education is an international organization founded by the families of the Space Shuttle astronauts who were killed on mission STS-51-L. Their charge is to kindle an interest and joy in science in young people.There are currently 45 Challenger Learning Centers spread across the United States from Kenai, Alaska, to Hazard, Kentucky, to Wheeling, West Virginia.

A new building to house the center will cost around $3.1 million but the center might use an existing building for a total cost including the simulator office equipment, parking lot expansion, and other expenses of about $1.5 million. The simulator costs $825,000 plus another $10,000 to ship it to Vermont. Gov. Jim Douglas has included the proposal in the state application for federal Race to the Top education funds.

President Obama announced his plans to continue the Race to the Top grant program this year as a part of the Democratic Congress’ G.R.A.F.T. Act spending. Race to the Top winners will develop and showcase school reform concepts or pilot programs and “provide examples for States and local school districts throughout the country to follow … that can transform our schools for decades to come.” Overall, $4 billion will be awarded in two Phases with an estimated Range of Awards of $20 million-$700 million. Vermont is in Category 5 and is most likely to receive $20-75 million.

That is an exceptional opportunity for some 1,112 Vermont students at MVU but only one Vermont school can possibly receive this center and that limits the opportunities for the 89,739 other students. That’s bad for the kids and bad for the state.

After all, the Equal Educational Opportunity Act of 1997, known here as “Act 60,” makes “educational opportunity available to each pupil in each town on substantially equal terms, in accordance with the Vermont Constitution and the Vermont supreme court decision of February 5, 1997, Brigham v. State of Vermont.”

Kids in one school district like MVU are restricted from getting anything kids in the other district cannot have.

The State will either have to arrange for a Challenger Learning Center in every school district or forego the Center at MVU.

—Nola “Fanny” Guay

Is it even possible that Vermonters would deny a school this specialized occasion to excel, particularly in science and mathematics? See the Liberislam series for Dick’s response.

Guest Post: George says Scary Indeed!

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I purchase about $300 a month from Sam’s club, and prolly another $300 from WalMart. I buy everything from cat food to prescription drugs to fresh veggies, ammo and cheap Texas wine. The only thing I don’t buy from WalMart is gasoline because their clerk has big tits, and she hits on me.

Here’s my point:
Coupla days ago a company called Unilever™, the maker of Slim-Fast, kicked off a global recall of its products because of the possibility of a low-level food poison bacteria. (you can read about it by Googling Unilever’s website, keyword recall.) Gives people the runs.

Anyway, sandwiched in the middle of all my Sam’s Club purchases is the occasional purchase of one or two 15-can boxes of Slim-Fast Low Carb Diet chocolate drink. It is a superior product: tastes great and has only 2 impact carbohydrates per can in a ratio with 20 grams of milk protein. I have drunk it for several years and enjoyed its benefits.

Guess what? Today I got a call from Sam’s Club advising me to return the unused Slim-Fast for full refund regardless of whether I had a receipt or not. I was surprised. No, I was shocked…that such a trivial, menial record pf my small purchase existed.

But the fact is obvious that everything we’ve ever bought — prolly anywhere in the world — is on record. Not only every gun, but every box of ammo as well. Prolly every monthly issue of gun magazines and every accessory item made for the guns.

If you pay your TitsOnline.com membership fee with a credit card or check, somebody has written it down in digital form. It’s out there. If you pay your Scientology pledge with electronic money, somebody has a record of it for posterity…or worse.

Someone somewhere even knows how much Jack Daniels I buy–and if I bought Depends™ undergarments they would know that too. Everything is on record somewhere and can be easily retrieved upon demand/request.

So, I’m taking the Slim-Fast back to Sam’s and get my money–in cash if possible.

When the SHTF all electronic money will be gone. Come to think of it, so will greenbacks.

— George Poleczech