Monthly Archives: October 2010

244

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A list of Barack Obama’s 244 “accomplishments” in his first 655 days in office has gone viral amongst Liberals and Progs. Here’s one example. You can Google all the others on your own.

No, I don’t know why there are 244 and not 655 “accomplishments” on the list. Maybe he didn’t want to admit to the rest.

What, are they nuts? I can’t be arsed to do it line by line but these people are publishing party-line political doubletalk. It ain’t hard to refute and I didn’t even bother with the Armed Forces or ObamaCare.

ETHICS
• as much as possible
Government speak for “tell ’em what they want to hear as often as you need to.” Now that’s change I can believe in.

• limits on lobbyists’ access to the White House
Only our guys can get in; the other guys can pound sand. Oddly, that happens every four-to-eight years. Now that’s change I can believe in.

GOVERNANCE
• The White House website
Woo pee. The only 12 people hired last year with Stimulus money. Every government office has a better website this year than they did last year and the year before that. Evolution and learning and even user demands drive even government web designers. Here’s one of the best recources online, period: Library of Congress dot gov Now that’s change I can believe in.

• Ended the Bush practice of circumventing FDA rules
Sure. Now we have the Obamanation practice of circumventing LAWS. Now that’s change I can believe in.

NATIONAL SECURITY
• Announced Gitmo closure.
Cool. Oh wait. It’s still open isn’t it. Now that’s change I can believe in.

• Will house terrorists at a “super max” in the US
Cool. Oh wait. The’re all still at Gitmo, aren’t they? Now that’s change I can believe in.

• Cut the 1.4 billion missile defense program
Spent 1.4 trillion on pet Obama programs. Now that’s change I can believe in.

ECONOMY
• Authorized the US auto industry rescue plan
Washington-ese for “stole private companies from their owners and divided them among Obama cronies.” Now that’s change I can believe in.

• Housing rescue plan
Another great plan. Housing market stays in the toilet despite more foreclosures than ever. Now that’s change I can believe in.

• Authorized a $789 billion economic stimulus plan (2009)
Do you have a job? Does your neighbor? Now that’s change I can believe in.

TAXES
• Signed the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act which provides small tax cuts for 95% of “working families,” 12 new jobs, and huge added debt for future tax payers.
The tax cuts were tiny and will be recovered just as soon as the earlier “Bush tax cuts” sunset. Now that’s change I can believe in.

• Convened an advisory board that is looking into simplifying the tax code
Is it simpler yet? Now that’s change I can believe in.

• Proposed doubling the child tax credit
Do you have twice as many kids yet? That’ll double your credit. Now that’s change I can believe in.





Premte Peeves

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St. Albans, Vermont, city workers chopped up the jewel-like reflecting pool in Taylor Park this week. It will be replaced by a new moving water feature over the next couple-seven years.

St Albans Messenger news photo

“And why are they starting it now?” one resident asked. “Don’t they know it’s winter?”

More to the point, don’t they know they have a collapsing sewer system that might be a higher priority?

Truth be told, the project has been been in the works for 10 years but they had to wait until the old guard retired so no one would be left to call them airheads.




No Cupcakes in Your School

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Google™ has about 2,090,000 results for a search on cupcakes and school.

A Michigan elementary school has banned the classroom tradition of celebrating a child’s birthday with cupcakes.

The interestingly spelled Syndee Malek, principal at the South Redford elementary school, insists that birthdays be honored with “healthy foods.”

Schools, the first bastion of fat-kids-with-high-self-esteem over performance, have had gravy on the French fries instead of vegetables and soda machines in the halls for more than a generation. Now, in 2010, the same schools promote student nutrition and fitness. Lunch at Ms. Malek’s school is very different from most schools. Nothing is fried, hot dogs are made with turkey, and she thinks the kids love the fresh fruit and vegetable bar.

Cupcakes have a nutritiously terrible ingredient list: all purpose flour, sugar, baking powder and baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, some shortening, water, eggs, and milk. Chocolate cupcakes add a little vanilla and some melted, unsweetened, baking chocolate. For comparison, Hard Do Bread, a popular artisan bread sold in West Indian stores, has all purpose flour, white sugar, water, salt, vegetable oil and margarine, and yeast. Pasta has all purpose flour, baking powder, a teaspoon of salt, some butter or shortening, and eggs.

Cupcakes also have a long and momentous history. In 18th Century France, for example, Marie Antoinette was permanently enjoined from bringing them to school for having the audacity to tell the school administrators, “Let them eat cupcakes.”

Another Internet search turned up list after list of the significant benefits of cupcakes. Cupcakes apparently cure AIDS, arthritis, and autism. They alleviate eczema and emphysema. Certain special recipes ameliorate hair loss and headaches. They mend Parkinson’s disease by flushing toxic metals from the body. All cupcakes palliate stuttering. They sweat out viral and yeast infections. And, perhaps most important, they rectify low SAT scores.

My handy Roget’s Thesaurus shows us that cupcake also stands in for any number of terms of endearment for the fairer sex: angel, babe, bathing beauty, beauty queen, broad, bunny, centerfold, chick, cover girl, cutie, cutie-pie, doll, dollface, dream girl, dreamboat, fox, glamor girl, good-looking woman, honey, hot dish, hot number, peach, pin-up, raving beauty, sex bunny, sex kitten, sex pot, and even tomato.

Perhaps they have been banned out of political correctness after all.

Whatever the benefit, whatever the reason, you still can’t bake cupcakes to send to school with your kids for their birthdays anymore.

For the record, I could have expanded this to 1,000 words or trimmed it to 100. Moderation in all things is important, so it is just 400.