Wednesday, December 9, 2009 by Dick.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (December 9, 2009) — Senate majority leader Harry Reid (D-NV) announced the definitive solution to Global Warming today.

The Environmental Protection Agency on Monday issued a final ruling that, in addition to methane, carbon dioxide also poses a significant danger to human health and to the environment.

E.P.A. administrator Lisa P. Jackson said that the 2007 Supreme Court decision required the agency to regulate CO2 as well as methane. The E.P.A. plans to limit emissions from human sources, all cars and trucks, power plants, refineries, cement plants and other big factories, and large farms. It appears that locomotives, trolley cars, cruise ships, and government aircraft may remain exempt.

Senator Reid says he has a better idea that does not involve pedal cabs.

“We’re going to galvanize everything that doesn’t move,” Senator Reid said. “Not only will it suck all the CO2 out of the atmosphere, it will ensure that nothing made in America ever corrodes again.”

Hot dip galvanizing is a metallurgical process that coats steel or iron with zinc to prevent rusting and other corrosion of the ferrous products. It has been in use for more than 150 years.

Galvanizing protection builds over time by a mechanism where the zinc first oxidizes. Then oxide absorbs water and becomes zinc hydroxide. The zinc hydroxide absorbs CO2 from the air. That forms a dense, impervious coating of zinc carbonate. If it were lime, we would call it “slaking.”

“It pulls carbon dioxide straight out of the air,” Senator Reid said. “What could be better or more useful today?”

I love science. Or I did before it became poli-sci.

Of course, Rust Never Sleeps™ even with galvanized steel; rusting is inevitable, especially in U.S. regions plagued with acid rainfall.

Rufus wants me to point out what sucking the life out of the atmosphere has done to companies in the Rust Belt but that is a subject for another day.

Posted in Global Warming, Newspaper "Science", Politics & News, PC, Random Access | 2 Comments »

Monday, December 7, 2009 by Dick.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (December 7, 2009) — The Environmental Protection Agency on Monday issued a final ruling that methane poses a danger to human health and to the environment.

E.P.A. administrator Lisa P. Jackson announced that the 2007 Supreme Court decision required the agency to regulate methane because it threatens human health and welfare.

The E.P.A. website states that “Methane (CH4) is a greenhouse gas that … is over 20 times more effective in trapping heat in the atmosphere than carbon dioxide (CO2) over a 100-year period and is emitted from a variety of natural and human-influenced sources.” The primary human-influenced source is flatulence, Ms. Jackson said.

There are also high levels of antimony tri-oxide in flatulence (it provides some flame retardance against afterburner ignition) in human-sourced methane.

In her prepared remarks, Ms. Jackson reported on the Methane to Markets Partnership. “It is intended to reduce global methane emissions, with a focus on cost-effective, near-term methane recovery from colorectal sources primarily in the United States,” she said. “A healthy individual releases 3.5 oz. of gas in a single flatulent emission, or more than a pint every single day.”

Beginning in early-2013, the E.P.A. will phase in a program to capture all human-sourced methane at each originator. “Our research shows it is far more effective to issue each citizen with an individual, belt- or shoulder-mounted, man-portable collection and storage tank (MOST).” The program will begin in ten large urban areas including New York City, Los Angeles, and Orlando in the first two years, then fan out across the country.

“My Agency is working with three prime contractors to produce prototypes now,” Ms. Jackson said. Recycling centers will be tasked to retrieve the MOSTs for emptying and return to other users.

Industry groups have criticized the decision, saying that the regulation of the near-ubiquitous methane, will be technically challenging, legally complex, and will impose huge costs on an already challenged economy.

“The fake-leaked British climate research group e-mail messages have stirred doubts among a number of people about the integrity of some climate science,” Ms. Jackson said, “but we have serious research to back up the methane regulations we are announcing today.”

Posted in Global Warming, Newspaper "Science", Politics & News, PC, Random Access | 5 Comments »

Monday, December 7, 2009 by Dick.

Last week, I began what will become a four-or-more-part series on writing. As I wrote, I didn’t realize that my pedantic need for encyclopediana would pop up here. A friend’s comments brought me up short immediately after I posted, “My job as a writer is to get it right.”

My friend expressed surprise at “a bunch of white guys defending Sosa’s skin bleaching.”

Unfortunately, that piece was about writing. Equally unfortunately I broke two rules, one of which is my own.

About a century ago in Internet time meaning in about 1997, Inklings Magazine commissioned me to codify the rules of editorial writing. The result was a pretty good article (if I do say so myself), Dick Harper’s 10-1/2 Hot Tips for Small-town Op-ed Writers .

Tips doesn’t explicitly say “Write so well that your readers understand you.” Tips does explicitly say:

2. Keep to exactly one (1), uno, single point.
Multiple arguments in an op-ed confuse the reader, the editor, and, probably the writer.

Regular readers know my strong points do not necessarily include staying on task. In Writing — It’s Not Just Cosmetic Anymore I blew the stay-on-task rule because I introduced three points in that piece: (1) writing well, (2) “problematic” portraits of people of color in literature and, indirectly, (3) Sammy Sosa’s relative blackness.

Some readers noticed the diversion into writing while black or white. Other readers thought my mention of Sammy Sosa’s name meant I had taken Mr. Sosa’s side. Or, perhaps, Mr. Pitts’. Not enough readers recognized that I wanted only to talk about writing well.

Means I must not have done that. I’ll try to do better next time.

I have edited the original piece in this series to remove some of the ambiguity. Next I shall look at wilful disregard on both the writer’s and reader’s part as well as at “writing while black.”

Posted in Writing, Sociology, Arts, Random Access | 2 Comments »

Saturday, December 5, 2009 by Special Contributor.

I purchase about $300 a month from Sam’s club, and prolly another $300 from WalMart. I buy everything from cat food to prescription drugs to fresh veggies, ammo and cheap Texas wine. The only thing I don’t buy from WalMart is gasoline because their clerk has big tits, and she hits on me.

Here’s my point:
Coupla days ago a company called Unilever™, the maker of Slim-Fast, kicked off a global recall of its products because of the possibility of a low-level food poison bacteria. (you can read about it by Googling Unilever’s website, keyword recall.) Gives people the runs.

Anyway, sandwiched in the middle of all my Sam’s Club purchases is the occasional purchase of one or two 15-can boxes of Slim-Fast Low Carb Diet chocolate drink. It is a superior product: tastes great and has only 2 impact carbohydrates per can in a ratio with 20 grams of milk protein. I have drunk it for several years and enjoyed its benefits.

Guess what? Today I got a call from Sam’s Club advising me to return the unused Slim-Fast for full refund regardless of whether I had a receipt or not. I was surprised. No, I was shocked…that such a trivial, menial record pf my small purchase existed.

But the fact is obvious that everything we’ve ever bought — prolly anywhere in the world — is on record. Not only every gun, but every box of ammo as well. Prolly every monthly issue of gun magazines and every accessory item made for the guns.

If you pay your TitsOnline.com membership fee with a credit card or check, somebody has written it down in digital form. It’s out there. If you pay your Scientology pledge with electronic money, somebody has a record of it for posterity…or worse.

Someone somewhere even knows how much Jack Daniels I buy–and if I bought Depends™ undergarments they would know that too. Everything is on record somewhere and can be easily retrieved upon demand/request.

So, I’m taking the Slim-Fast back to Sam’s and get my money–in cash if possible.

When the SHTF all electronic money will be gone. Come to think of it, so will greenbacks.

– George Poleczech

Posted in Guest Posts, Sociology, Society | 1 Comment »

Thursday, December 3, 2009 by Dick.

MyTwitSpace gave me a series of error messages that my Firefox browser was too too old to conform to MyTwitSpace and that I would have to upgrade Firefox to continue using the site. Of course, the I.E.6.0 I maintain for such occasions worked just fine. I’ve had trouble with that site ever since but, up until this morning, the I.E. plug-in for my new  Firefox 3.5.5 worked fine there.

Until this morning.

I tried to post the usual teaser about Tiger Woods’ difficulties in my MyTwitSpace blog and the !@#$%^ page doesn’t work despite the Firefox upgrade. Then it crashed I.E.

Twice.

If the site remains this difficult to use, I will not much longer maintain my MyTwitSpace space. Readers can find me in FaceBook or here in the permanent home of the No Puffin Persective.

Posted in Writing, Extras!, Grumpery | 5 Comments »

Thursday, December 3, 2009 by Dick.

Tiger Woods has proven yet again that when a man thinks with his little head, he might run into things with his big one. At least that’s what every pundit on network news says.

Mr. Woods made big news last week after driving his Cadillac Escalade into a fire plug. A neighbor called 911 to report that the accident and that he was “laying [unresponsive] on the ground.” Citing privacy and no requirement to do so, Mr. Woods talked neither to state troopers nor the media for three days after the accident.

He broke his silence to apologize for his “transgressions.”

“Apologize”?

“Transgressions”???

His wife, Elin, may very well have tried to beat him to death with a nine-iron, for heaven’s sake.

The billion dollar spokesman for all things manly blew a unique opportunity to stand up for common sense. He should have used his bully pulpit to stand up for men’s health.

The 14 most popular men’s health searches on webmd.com, in the order given, are gout, masturbation, jock itch, sex, vasectomy, chest pain, premature ejaculation, low testosterone, enlarged prostate, testicle pain, penis discharge, psa, ulcers, and colon cancer.

Fully half of the questions have to do with sex. A couple more if you consider that sex is probably what drives most men to have their prostates checked.

The ulcers question could round it out to an even ten if those ulcers come from grief we men get about sex. Or nine-irons.

Mr. Woods could have done what I’ve waited for politicians and public figures to do for decades: he could have spoken the truth.

Imagine if Tiger Woods had called a news conference. The networks would have sent all their “entertainment” talking heads, all their sports reporters, and even some actual news reporters. The State Police would have shown up. Heck even the Army Times would have been there.

“Is this thing on? I want to thank you all for coming today. I have a short statement and a handout for everyone here. It is in color and uses small words so everyone in the press corps can get it right on the news tonight.

“See this chart?” Mr. Woods could have said. “It is the most important thing I can say to you and to all my fans.”

The Five Things Men Need Most for Good Health

• Eat tomatoes
• Wear your seat belt
• Quit smoking
• Stop eating so much
• Avoid cancer

“Orgasms don’t hurt you, either,” Mr. Woods could have said.

“Now, the question you all want to ask is this: ‘Did I have sex with that woman?’ Well, ladies and gentlemen, yes, I did. So what? It’s none of your business. None. If you want a story, print something useful. Otherwise, go home and the real story will be ‘News Media Refused to Publish What Tiger Said about Men’s Health’.

“Thank you all for coming to sunny Florida on this cold and rainy day in your northeastern offices.”

Oh, yeah. And it occurs to me that if I crunched my Escalade against a fire hydrant in North Puffin instead of Windermere, Florida, nobody in the media would care or notice. Even if someone had tried to beat me to death with a nine-iron.

Posted in Sex, Society, Politics & News, PC, Media, Random Access | 6 Comments »