Monthly Archives: December 2009

Change We Can Believe In!

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The ups and downs of the decade. We made a bunch of great closeout deals but this column has room for only a few. Here are the top nine of 2009:

The downside: We may not have changed many of the Old Guard of pols but we surely did change how they do business inside the Beltway. They no longer throw billions of We the OverTaxedPeople’s dollars at problems.
The upside: Now they throw trillions.

Hoo wee. That’s change we can believe in!

The downside: President Obama (praise be his name) stole General Motors from its rightful owners (that would be small stockholders like thee and me) and put Ed “I Came from the Phone Company So I Don’t Know Anything about Cars” Whitacre in charge.
The upside: Thanks to the soybean lobby, your new Chevy Condescension will be the first model to come with tofubags instead of the dangerous and expensive airbags as well as the new OnStar-by-AT&T. Rumors that OnStar service will also be available on your iPhone have not proven out.

The downside: Democrats were appalled when President Obama nominated Senator Judd Gregg, R-NH, as his Secretary of Commerce. The U.S. Department of Commerce fosters, promotes, and develops business and industry. Democrats called Senator Gregg “too pro-business.”
The upside: Caroline Cartwright of Great Britain was arrested for noise levels that ranged between 30 and 40 decibels, with some squeaks “being 47 decibels” during sex. Bird calls are generally 44 dB.

The downside: Congress passed without reading a $787 billion “stimulus package” that, instead of stimulating We the OverTaxedPeople who provided the money, all went for swine flu shots to bankers. Vermont had a looming two hundred million dollar budget deficit so the Democratically controlled legislature there decided to spend three hundred million dollars of its portion of that G.R.A.F.T. Act windfall to “stabilize” its budget. Since that wasn’t enough, the Democratically controlled legislature also raised taxes by $24 million dollars in order to make up for the revenue shortfall.
The upside: The Nobel Committee awarded the Peace Prize posthumously to Michael Jackson.

The downside: The Environmental Protection Agency ruled that political science trumps actual science as a danger to human health and to the environment.
The upside: Millions of people flocked to Al Gore’s house in the Belle Meade neighborhood of Nashville where his Christmas decorationsand the upturned smiling faces were photographed from the International Space Station.

The downside: Just two years ago, world leaders of 193 countries pledged to reverse the course of climate change in Denmark this year. When the hot air cleared in Copenhagen this month, there were two inches of snow on the ground, two pounds of faked “global warming” emails, and $200 billion dollars in a Global Relief fund. Guess who they want to pick up the tab?
The upside: Each world leader flew to Denmark in one or more private airliners thus reducing the worldwide surplus of Jet A and Jet A-1 petroleum-based fuels.

The downside: In a strange coincidence, the International Olympic Committee also meeting in Copenhagen voted not to award the 2016 Summer Olympics to Chicago for fear that a fire in former Governor Rod Blagojevich’s hair might undermine the new “pay to play” Olympic game category.
The upside: The one billion dollar Cash for Clunkers program which cost three billion dollars left an estimated 643,000 1974 Ford Pintos on Illinois and Michigan highways as entry level vehicles for migrant farmers and high school students.

The downside: The Environmental Protection Agency said it will increase the percentage of ethanol in gasoline to 15% by next June. Ethanol producers and most newspapers say the higher blends will increase fuel economy, create more jobs in the industry, and increase government payments to ethanol producers by $787 billion.
The upside: The Social Security Administration announced that since Congress will lock fuel prices at $4.599 per gallon through 2012, the Cost of Living Adjustment (COLA) can remain fixed at 0% for the same period.

The downside: The U.S. economy has shed 15.4 million or more jobs including those once held by Rufus, Biff, and my wife, Anne.
The upside: The $787 billion “stimulus package” has created an estimated 643,000 brand new jobs (roughly identical to the number of saved 1974 Ford Pintos). All the new employees are dedicated to maintaining the White House website that tracks new jobs.

We have, as a nation, spent the entire decade unwilling to learn from our mistakes. Change We Can Believe In! certainly changed all of that and we are this >||< close to ObamaCare to prove it.

You can’t make this stuff up. Happy New Decade, everyone!

They Got the Gold Mine (We Got the Shaft)

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The U.S. Senate skulked around in the dark again — that would be the wee hours while it rained on my roof last night. They voted 60:39 to pass another landmark, TRILLION DOLLAR, ObamaCare insurance bailout guaranteed to make less health care available to more people, increase premiums, and raise taxes. (The $500 billion Medicare cuts drive Congressional Budget Office estimates that the bill would cut the U.S. national deficit by $132 billion over 10 years.) Giving up $500 billion to get $132 billion. Wow. Obamathematics strikes again.

The Senate also voted to raise the National debt ceiling.

Coincidence? I think not.

Just Say No

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NYTimes writer Maureen Dowd says that John McCain, once a “constructive independent, is now such a predictable obstructionist that he’s in the just-say-no vanguard with the same conservatives who used to despise him.”

It has apparently escaped our MSM colleagues like Ms. Dowd that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, to be positive about in this Congress. When the only “compromise” in any bill is the competition for how much pork to add, even Mr. McCain just has to say no.

Party Hearty

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The Federal Aviation Administration has set stiff airline fines for those hours-long waits on the tarmac some airlines “give” their passengers. Carriers that do not provide food and water after two hours or a chance to disembark after three hours will face penalties of $27,500 per passenger.

I have sat waiting to take off for half an hour or so but luckily have never been held that long. Of course, the two hour break for bread and water will guarantee a need for the three hour break to pee.

I’m thinking it would have been smarter just to give the money for a single, 200 passenger junket on the tarmac to the passengers than to spend it for a great drinking party in Atlanta.

Hide the Ball

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Hide the Ball, Part I. My friend Rufus bought a brand new motor home last month. It was a difficult process mostly because the convenient Florida dealership that had the leftover model he wanted in stock kept changing the rules. Here’s how the deal went:

“We’ll take $xx,xxx and take your older motor home in trade,” the happy salesman told Rufus over the phone. “We’ll even deliver the new one and pick up your trade.”
Rufus went off to think about it. A few days later, he called the salesman. “OK, I’ll take it.”

“Oh, The price is actually $yy,yyy [almost $1,000 more] and you’ll have to bring the trade in to us,” the friendly salesman said.

That wasn’t the original deal but Rufus went off to think about it anyway. He really wanted the motor home. A few days later, he called the salesman. “OK, I’ll take it.”

“Oh, The price is actually $zz,zzz [another $1,000 more] and we can’t include the $600 SmartVent in that price,” the superb salesman said.

That’s one way to play Hide the Ball.

Rufus decided to cut his losses in Florida. He bought the same model motor home, delivered fresh from the factory, from a dealer in another state who didn’t try to game him. He paid $xx,xxx. The happy, friendly, superb salesman in Florida wasn’t very happy was he?

Meanwhile, Biff and Missy wanted to buy a second house here in the Keys. They have worked unsuccessfully with a local Realtor™ for about a month because other buyers are snapping up distressed properties as fast as they appear on the market. Missy and Biff can be a little slow at times.

Biff finally found a place that seemed perfect. It was available.

Their buyer’s agent sent them a 29-page contract. Biff read every page. That’s a good thing.

The contract spelled out that their agent told them their perfect vacation house was on the F.E.M.A. list. The agent hadn’t told them that nor had she explained what being “on the F.E.M.A. list” means [it means the buyer might not be able to get flood insurance]. The contract spelled out that their agent told them their dream vacation house had open permits. The agent hadn’t told them that nor had she explained what “open permits” means [it means the buyer could be liable for inspection fees and fines as well as putting the property “back to original condition”].

That’s another way to play Hide the Ball.

What does this mean to We the OverTaxedPeople?

It means car dealers and house sellers are pikers at Hide the Ball compared to Congress.

Hide the Ball, Part II. Missy and Biff have also been shopping for health insurance ever since Biff got riffed. She still has her job with the state but Biff the Plumber is out of work for the first time in about 20 years. Like millions of the rest of us, Missy and Biff want to reform health care and particularly health care costs.

“Rufus’ bus dealer was more upright than those airheads in Washington,” Missy said. She didn’t actually call them “airheads.” Missy can be earthy.

The U.S. Senate completed the first hurdle to passing ObamaCare over the weekend.

The Gang of 59 bribed hold-out Senator Ben Nelson (Used Car Salesman-NE) to sign on to the Senate health care bill. They pledged that We the OverTaxedPeople will pay all of Nebraska’s Medicaid increases forever so the Congressional Demorats can roll over all opposition and steal all the snow from the entire country right before Christmas.

Can you spell G-r-i-n-c-h?

That’s alright, though, because We the OverTaxedPeople really really really want national health care and we don’t care what it costs or whom we have to bribe. Right?

An ABC News/Washington Post poll shows 37% of the public thinks the quality of care will improve for them. Wow! That’s more than a third!

On the other hand, 53% think healthcare costs will go up under the legislation now in Congress. 55% think costs will rise for the healthcare system overall.

Uh oh! Maybe we do care what it costs and whom we have to bribe.

David Axelrod says “Reality” will “trump the poll numbers…”

Uh oh! Maybe it’s just President Obama who doesn’t care what it costs and whom we have to bribe. Maybe it’s just President Obama who doesn’t care what We the OverTaxedPeople think about ObamaCare. After all President Obama (praise be his name) knows what is best for the rest of us.

The newspapers say Mr. Axelrod, a senior adviser to the president, wants to “reframe the debate.” Mr. Axelrod said ObamaCare would be popular once people learned more about it.

That’s used motor home speak for “once we find the right spin.”

Also buried in the Demorats’ package is Medicare coverage for the 1,400 victims of “environmental health hazards” the EPA declared a public health emergency last June 17. Oddly, those 1,400 people were exposed to asbestos at the W.R. Grace vermiculite mine in Libby, Montana.

Senator Max Baucus, Demorat of Montana, snuck that one in for himself because he can. He is the principal author of the health care bill. That would be the same Senator Max Baucus (Finance Committee Chair and Used Car Salesman-MT) who said that the Bush Administration “ought to know that five years’ worth of Medicare and Medicaid cuts totaling [just] $200 billion are dead on arrival with me and with most of the Congress,” way back in 2008.

The bill quietly cuts Medicare and Medicaid benefits, but not until this administration is out of office.

Another provision to expand Medicaid only in Massachusetts, Nebraska and Vermont will add $1.2 billion in costs.

“It’s all in there just like it was all in my house contract,” Biff said. “It was just hidden in all the pages of fine print that reference other pages of fine print in other contracts.”

Now, here’s the bad part.

We excoriated the arrogant Grinches in Congress for voting on this Obamanation without reading the thousands of pages. Do you really in your heart of hearts think they wouldn’t still vote “Aye” if they actually had read it?

Missy and Biff and Rufus all went to different people for their deals. I haven’t (yet) convinced the rest of us how good an idea that is.

Merry Christmas, y’all. Missy and Biff and Rufus and I all hope you have enough left on your Visa cards to pay for gifts after the 60 Grinches “borrowed” your cards to pay for theirs.