Faded? FADED?

Liz Arden and I were talking about dog food this morning. She looks for a brand that has plenty of meat and meat by-products, eschews vege loading, doesn’t disgust the human eye or nose, and isn’t “gourmet” priced. Our mutts dined on fresh-frozen horsemeat that we bought in little waxed-cardboard takeout cartons but you can’t hardly find that any more.

“The pups lurve Costco canned food,” she said.

That got me going on chain store brands. I have a Kirkland blue oxford cloth dress shirt that fits well, drapes nicely, has decent stitching, and has a nice hand. Come to think of it, I have a couple of shirts from Wal-Mart that fit the same bill. I might not choose one to impress a client but I would certainly wear them with a tie to go to work.

If I wore ties.

Everybody hates Wal-Mart, though.

Many have good reason. In fact, Google™ came up with about 2,920,000 reasons in 0.27 seconds.

  • The high cost to get low prices;
  • About half of Wal-Mart employees qualify for food stamps;
  • Despite the “Made in America” branding, 85% of Wal-Mart commodities are made overseas with 70% coming from China;
  • Envy: Wal-Mart customers yearn to be Target customers;
  • Wal-Mart is too rich;
  • Wal-Mart customers are too poor;
  • Wal-Mart is building a super center in Puffin County, Vermont.

And the top reason:

  • The stores are always crowded.

A Vermont Environmental Court decision granted Wal-Mart Stores, Inc., permission to build a 147,000-square-foot store in Puffin County. The decision requires Wally to pay the Town additional “public service costs” (such as for fire and police) that its presence cause the Town to incur.

Sadly named Faded Glory t-shirtThe decision is not without precedent in that municipalities often charge developers impact fees before allowing them to build houses and stores.

On the other hand, here comes Wal-Mart, a business that will pay property taxes year in and year out to underwrite public service costs such as the fire and police departments and the schools and the Town gets to charge them extra year after year for the increase in police and fire costs.

Heck, I think as long as we’re putting our hand in their pockets, we should get them to pay extra for satisfying a demand for three ring binders in our schools.

During the negotiations, Wal-Mart released a list of the stores they will put out of business in their first year of operation. The friendly, local bookseller. Gone. The friendly, local drug store. Gone. The friendly local store. Gone. The number of “independent retailers” in the United States declined by 60,000 stores between 1992 and 2007.

For the record, the friendly, local hardware stores either affiliated with the national chains like Ace or True Value or they disappeared, but that happened in the 70s.

I have a different reason not to like Wal-Mart: “Faded Glory.”

Like most large retail and grocery chains, Wal-Mart offers private label store brands, commonly referred to as house brands or generic brands, which consumers expect to be low-priced alternatives to name brand products.

“Faded Glory” is Wal-Mart’s house brand for basic men’s, women’s, and children’s clothing and footwear. It is the store’s primary clothing brand.

Definitions of “Fade”:
1: to lose freshness, strength, or vitality
2: to lose freshness or brilliance of color
3: to sink away : vanish as in “a fading memory”
4: to change gradually in loudness, strength, or visibility
5 (of an automobile brake): to lose braking power gradually
Usage: “He’s trying to recapture the faded glory of his youth.”

Why on Earth would a major chain want its primary customers to think they are fading off to nothingness.

Unless the glory of Sam Walton’s dream has indeed faded.

 

To Launder

No, I’m not coming clean with a new “Dear Dick Launders” column.

Launder verb \’lön-der, ‘län-\
1: to wash in water
2: to make ready for use by washing
3: to sanitize

Related words include cleanse, purge, purify; bleep, blip, cut (out), delete, excise, expunge, gut, x (out); black out, repress, silence, suppress; censure, condemn, denounce; examine, review, screen, and scrutinize, none of which have anything to do with this topic.

Seems a lot to do for a towel and washcloth.

Did you ever wonder why you need to wash (launder) a washcloth? Or a dishrag?

Happy Washing MachineConsider how you use that wash cloth or dish rag. First you submerge it in water to thoroughly wet it. Perhaps simultaneously, you pour on or rub in some soap.

“A soap micelle has a hydrophilic head that is in contact with the water and a center of hydrophobic tails, which can be used to isolate grime.”

Bang the cloth around on bones or dishes for a while. Rinse it out. Maybe lather and repeat. Rinse again. And then wring it dry before hanging it up.

Where have I done that before?

Just exactly what happens when you launder that wash cloth? First you submerge it in water to thoroughly wet it. Perhaps simultaneously, you add soap to the mix. Bang the cloth around on rocks for a while, rinse, and wring dry.

Wait. I did that before you snatched it for the happy washing machine. And yet we need to do it every day?

Really? Every day? Twice?


Next week, we’ll take on towels which spend their entire lives shuttling between mopping up clean water from squeaky bodies and getting beaten on rocks.

 

Today is Earth Day

I suspect that has nothing to do with the fact that eBay’s President and CEO, John Donahoe, personally emailed me this morning. “Congress is considering online sales tax legislation that is wrongheaded and unfair,” he said, “and I am writing to ask for your help in telling Congress ‘No!’ to new sales taxes and burdens for small businesses.”

I’m all for no new taxes or burdens on small businesses (or their customers).

Voters seem to have a different idea.

Voters haven’t figured out that when they tell the boneheads they elect to “stick it to the rich businessman or rich businesswoman” what they are really doing is making their own cigs or Twinkies or wife-beater t-shirts cost more.

Most states levy a sales and use tax on merchandise.

Here are the arguments, pro and con.

Does the Sales Tax Break the Piggy Bank?PRO: Sales tax proponents say taxing goods bring economic growth, savings, and investment. I’ve seen no reliable data proving that. Still, the rooms and meals tax here in South Florida is about to ratchet up another thousand percent to finance Dolphin Stadium. That’s OK, though, because that tax fleeces only the tourons.

If a sales and use tax on merchandise is legit, then online sellers should charge it the same way local stores do. After all, people who use stuff owe the tax no matter where the stuff is bought.

CON: Sales taxes are regressive. (A regressive tax is defined as “a tax that takes a larger percentage from low-income people than from high-income people.”) I discussed the how much a bigger bite of your paycheck a sales tax takes here last week.

I don’t believe sales and use tax on merchandise is a fair or equitable way for a state to raise funds so no online merchant should collect it; the local stores ought not charge it either.

Mr. Donahoe thinks the solution is simple: if Congress passes online sales tax legislation, eBay says small businesses with [fewer] than 50 employees or less than $10 million in annual out-of-state sales should be exempt from the burden of collecting sales taxes nationwide. Mr. Donahoe wrote “less” there, but I corrected that, too.

eBay’s solution is the worst of all possible worlds. If the tax is due, exempting one group from collecting it is an accounting (and marketing) nightmare, not to mention probably unconstitutional.

And what happens when a $9,999,990 business sells an extra $10 this year? They didn’t collect tax all year. Do they go back to all their customers? Do they suddenly have to find the $5 or $600,000 in taxes owed from their own revenue?

“So what is the fair and equitable way for a state to raise funds?” Liz Arden asked me.

Flat income tax.

If We the Overtaxed people really really understood how much it costs us to employ 22,267,206 federal plus state and local government civilian workers, we would have thrown the always-on-vacation bums out of office decades ago.

And that, dear reader, is why there will never, ever be tax reform in these United States.

(The U.S. Census reports, in a file called “APES,” that our federal government civilian employment plus state and local government public employment payroll for March of 2011 was about $86,500,000,000.)


Did you know you can deduct the state sales tax you pay from your federal tax return?