I’m of the age that I get a tube stuck up my butt every few years. Tomorrow is T-Day.

Colonoscopy ImageI saw the tube doc last week for the standard pre-procedure visit, got my instructions. They asked how I was going to pay.

“With Blue Cross, of course,” I said.

“Your last colonoscopy was November 3, 2003,” the doc’s insurance clerk said. “You haven’t passed 10 years so I don’t think they’ll cover it.”


“Please call BC/BS right away to get the authorization then. I won’t fill this prescription for Reglan™ unless we’re go for launch.”

Remember Fleet™? The FDA has become aware of reports of acute phosphate nephropathy, a type of acute kidney injury, associated with the use of oral sodium phosphate products for bowel cleansing prior to colonoscopy or other procedures. Not only that, the explosive results were … uncomfortable. Docs use Reglan™ followed by magnesium citrate plus half a gallon of clear liquid now so we patients slosh ever so briefly as we run.

The doc’s office promised they would call back the next day. That was a week ago.

I called them this morning. “What’s the verdict?” I asked.

“She hasn’t had a chance to call your insurer,” the receptionist told me after a brief 10-minute wait, “but it’s OK because you’re just coming in for the checkup.”

Say what? I’m due on the table at noon tomorrow. She did promise then to call me right back and she did. “Blue Cross says you should be covered.”

Should be? SHOULD BE?

I did what I should have done in the first place. I called Blue Cross direct. Their advisor, Matt, thanked me for my call and told me I was covered 100%. Including the Reglan™. He saw that the doc’s office had called not long before and got the same answer.

It’s lunchtime here in North Puffin. I’m on clear liquids for the day, now, and grouchy. And I haven’t even gotten to sign up for Obamacare yet.

Later today, in a small and echoey room, I shall express my real opinion of all this.


When I’m …

When I get older losing my hair,
Many (many)(many)(many)(many) years from now,
Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greetings bottle of wine?
If I’d been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door,
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I’m sixty-four?
oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oooo
You’ll be older too, (ah ah ah ah ah)
And if you say the word,
I could stay with you.
I could be handy shooting that fuse
When your lights have gone.
You can knit a sweater by the fireside
Sunday mornings go for a ride.
Doing the garden, digging the weeds,
Who could ask for more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I’m sixty-four?
Every summer we can rent a cottage
In the Isle of Wight, if it’s not too dear
We shall scrimp and save
Grandchildren on your knee
Vera, Chuck, and Dave
Send me a postcard, drop me a line,
Stating point of view.
Indicate precisely what you mean to say
Yours sincerely, Launching Away.
Give me your answer, fill in a form
Mine for evermore
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I’m sixty-four?

Predilection for Prediction

It is indeed the official day for prognostication.

I predict it will not snow in the Keys again this year. It pretty much never snows here but we had the first ever sighting of razorbills in December, so you never know. They’re strange little North Atlantic seabirds that look like flying footballs. The global climate change-driven colder water up north could be the reason a few decided to be snowbirds here.

We will not see 99.9 cent gasoline again until TSHTF. I remember 29.9 cent gas but I was earning about a buck an hour at that time. On the other hand gasoline stayed under a buck from the 1920s until 1980 and had about a 26-year run below $2 that ended in about 2006.

!@#$%^ Comcast’s CEO Brian L Roberts says he has learned from Apple how to “make things fun.” The very fact that the head of the second most reviled company in America is even talking to Apple sent shivers through the tech world. (Mr. Roberts told Forbes that his company has lost subscribers throughout his tenure due to increased competition and the fact the company didn’t offer the “best suite of products.” It had nothing to do with the fact that they raise prices $1 each and every time a customer finds a better choice.)

I don’t think Apple will use Bombast to roll out AppleTV. Apple’s cash pile could hit $200 billion next year. Comcast’s market cap is about $97 billion. I predict Apple will BUY !@#$%^Comcast and make it AppleTV.

According to a new Pew Research study, 85% percent of U.S. adults own a mobile phone but only 56% have a smartphone. Worldwide, the total number of smartphones passed 1 billion last year. There are 6 billion cell phone subscribers on Earth. Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer declined to comment on whether Microsoft would make its own smartphone but Microsoft is working with component suppliers in Asia to test its own smartphone designs. Since there are an astonishing 85 million adult cellphone users in the U.S. without a smartphone (and a corresponding 5 billion worldwide), Microsoft doesn’t need to think about early adopters. Microsoft doesn’t need to think about iSheep. Microsoft doesn’t need to think about Droids. I predict Microsoft can win the smartphone race if it simply gets most of the newbies.

gadgetsI further predict I will not get a smartphone in 2013.

I believe there will be a 2013 NHL season. I predict no one will notice.

I further predict that police will disarm samarai  sword-wielding naked men. But probably not in the District of Columbia.

The Belgian monks at St. Sixtus Abbey will give up the title of priciest beer when BJ’s discovers New Amsterdam Amber and prices it at $99.99 for six bottles.

Last year, the cash-strapped Ukraine charged Did Moroz (the local version of Father Christmas) impersonators an income tax. Florida will see that as a revenue stream and impose a tax on Santas.

The FBI will continue searching for Kenneth “D.B. Cooper” Conley, one of the convicted bank robbers who escaped from a Chicago high-rise jail and hailed a cab to make his getaway.

A new diet will sweep the cognoscenti with Twinkies and sugar free tonic water. I predict that I will not eat any of that.

Yesterday, I wrote, “Over the last couple of years, I’ve replaced or repaired most of the little things that plagued me and stole the time I needed to do all the fun stuff I wanted to do.” I predict I will sell the Honda and buy a pellet stove. I may buy an iPod dock but that’s iffy.

Stocks will rise. Bonds will fall. Investors will be late to the game.

Word enthusiasts will ban “fiscal cliff.”

Finally, (and this is the hardest crystal gazing I’ve done) America’s national politicians-for-life, will add more than another trillion dollars to our debt and “kick the can down” the road for another year. I predict that (a) the U.S. Congress approval rating will sink below 20%, (b) the U.S. Congress will form three committees to investigate the bankruptcy sale of Hostess Twinkies to Miguel Angel Treviño Morales, and (c) the U.S. Congress will declare a War on Guns.



Those were freebies, aren’t they?

OK, I foresee that the world did not end on December 21.