The Eat-A-Puffin Day
Keys residents back in December sounded off against the genetically modified mosquitoes a British firm named Oxitec and the Florida Keys Mosquito Control District wants to release. The British company wants to beta test a gazillion genetically modified Aedes aegypti mosquitoes. (Those mosquitoes carry the dengue and chikungunya viruses; the modified ones would presumably kill the breeding population by making them sterile.) We’re the beta testers.

Oxitec and the Mosquito Air Force will start releasing the skeeters next month, I think.

My friend George Poleczech “figures anything is possible from the bunch readying a batch of GMO mosquitoes to release in the Keys.” Yeppers. E.coli, e.bola, e.ink.

The Don’t Eat-A-Puffin Day
Fort Lauderdale police arrested a 90-year-old man for feeding the homeless.

Alarming Food
Some of the houses here in South Puffin are vacation rentals and Florida has very strict safety regulations for emergency lighting and exits, fire-safety, and fire more. One is the requirement for multiple smoke detectors in each building.

I don’t think the unopened Jiffy Pop pan I saw nailed to the wall in one rental quite passed muster as a fire alarm.

The Penicillin Day
Most of Florida has simple microscopic organisms that thrive in most any moist environment. Fungi. Mildew. Mold.

In addition to wooden boats, mold loves ceiling tiles, cardboard, wallpaper, carpets, drywall, fabric, plants, foods, insulation, decaying leaves and other organic materials. It surprised me to learn that mold lurves my concrete dock and seawall.

I watched a man down the street pressure washing a tile roof this morning. I could smell the bleach.

Now that’s a great idea.

Speaking of Bleach
Cops arrested a naked man after he broke into two homes, raided the liquor cabinets, and used a hot tub at one of them.

Speaking of Nudity Again
Three naked men were caught breaking into a Bonita Springs restaurant. They stole 60 hamburgers, three pounds of bacon, three red peppers, and a paddle board.

A paddle board?

[Ed. Note: As of this writing, they are still on the lam(b).]

Whine in the Air
The Mosquito Air Force has started training with drones to find the mosquitoes’ breeding areas. With a camera mounted to the bottom of their quad-rotor drones, field agents will have “a bird’s eye view of mosquito breeding grounds and better range at killing disease-carrying insects.” And my naked furry white butt in my back yard.

Wine on the Ground
Friends from up north are serious wine peeps. They’re renting a house here for a month. I think they brought seven cases of wine with them. Perhaps South Puffin doesn’t have any wine emporia. They don’t buy cheap wine.

That was on my mind at the Circle K when I was paying for my gas last night. $2.159/gallon for anyone who needs to know. The man ahead of me bought two bottles of some kind of shiraz for $5/bottle so he’s “not out of wine anymore.” Yellowtail.

“It’s not bad for cheap wine. It’ll do in a pinch. Ditto Cupcake,” Liz Arden said.

I much prefer cupcakes to shiraz.

He told me he’s drinking it with bourbon and pomegranate juice mixed in.

“Okay, you just made me throw up a little in my mouth,” Liz said.

My work here is done.