Take It Back

“Did he mean this as a joke?”

Some back story: A few election cycles ago, conservatives formed Take Back Vermont in response to the then-new law that established civil unions for same-sex couples.

Take Back Vermont wanted to do more than repeal civil unions. It was wanted to shackle the affluent, liberal, Democratic flatlanders who were changing both the laws and the values of the state.

Looking back more than decade later we see the movement was a flop. Liberal Vermont still flirts with socialized medicine (bad) and has done what it should have done in the first place by passing a marriage law that allows any loving, unrelated couple to marry (good).

Professor Louis SeidmanThe Take Our State Back folks have scattered.

A Georgetown Professor of Constitutional Law told the CBS Sunday Morning audience that it’s time to “Take our country back, from the Constitution.”

Didn’t he learn anything from Vermont?

Professor Louis Seidman wants all of us (and presumably all of the lawyers he trains) to stop paying attention to the Constitution and instead consider what process and policies we need to move the country forward.

“To be clear, I don’t think we should give up on everything in the Constitution. The Constitution has many important and inspiring provisions, but we should obey these because they are important and inspiring, not because a bunch of people who are now long-dead favored them two centuries ago.” Professor Seidman said.

Oh. This could be good. We’ll keep the all parts I like and dump the ones I don’t?

Cool.

“All legislative Powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States, which shall consist of a Senate and House of Representatives.” That’s not very inspiring. Congress has an approval rating of about minus 362 percent. Let ’em get real jobs and leave the rest of us alone.

“The Congress shall have Power … To borrow money on the credit of the United States.” I’m thinking the purse snatcher who charged the big screen TV on Anne’s credit card is Congress’ stupid younger brother. Let’s jettison that one, too.

“Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort.” Oh, no. In these Patriot Days, we need to deep-six that. Treason against the United States must, must consist of whatever the President says it is. I can dig it.

John AdamsExcept. Except as dead white guy John Adams wrote in his letter to the officers of the First Brigade of the Third Division of the Militia of Massachusetts, “Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.”

Zealots often use that quote for religious purposes but I see the rest of the words. Mr. Adams believed that the U.S. Constitution was inadequate to govern the immoral.

The world is full of politicians like Professor Seidman who seduce us with promises of loose morals and anarchy.

The danger was summed up by an Egyptian protester yesterday: “the president must resign and a new constitution must be written” to replace the Morsi sham. Egypt’s current Sharia-based document replaced the 1971 Mubarek charter.

If we are to take back our own country, we have to start making decisions for ourselves, and stop deferring to an ancient and outdated document,” Professor Seidman said.

Alrighty then. No more irrelevant dead white guys.

All you Muslims, listen up. The Koran is no longer your law. All you Englishmen, listen up. The Magna Carta is null and void. All you African Americans, listen up. Professor Seidman has retracted the Emancipation Proclamation.

“Democracy depends upon its people not acting out of blatant self interest,” Glenn Peacock wrote on the Internoodle recently.

“We are doomed,” Rufus said.

Perhaps not. Maybe Professor Seidman’s talk was simply a Saturday Night Live skit that got to the wrong network.

CHARGE!

Did your favorite store charge you a little extra today?

Maybe, if you charged it as 181 million of your card carrying neighbors will.

Starting today, your local grocer or gas station or corn store can tack on a surcharge for credit card use but no one seems to care.

credit card logosThat surcharge is tied to a lawsuit settled last July. Visa, MasterCard and a group of other large financial firms agreed Friday to forfeit a total of $7.25 billion to settle a colossal anti-trust action. The defendants will offer cash payments worth $6.05 billion in total; Visa and Mastercard agreed to reduce their “swipe fees.” That’s the other $1.2 billion. As part of the agreement, retailers will soon be able impose a surcharge of up to 4% for credit card transactions in all but 9 or 10 states. Such surcharges will also apply to cardholders from other networks, like Discover and American Express.

The U.S. District Court decided that merchants can pass along credit-card interchange fees to customers. That contentious ruling is under appeal.

Permitting surcharges is a slippery slope. Consumer advocates agree.

Who knows? Phone and cable TV companies could decide to pass on “regulatory fees!”

Oh. Wait.

“If a national sales tax of 2, 3, or 4 percent were being proposed, everyone would be up in arms.”

“The only reason everyone is NOT is that they haven’t a CLUE this is coming,” Rufus said. “I am guessing that what percentage they charge will be used as a marketing variable along with interest rates, and there will be substantial churning in terms of who uses what card.”

The change went into effect today.

Interestingly, Florida is one of the states with protection laws that prohibit surcharges; the others are California, Colorado, Connecticut, Kansas, Maine, Massachusetts, New York, Oklahoma, and Texas. Arizona and Vermont are conspicuous by their absence.

More interestingly, there are plenty of gas stations right here in Florida that charge a surcharge (or at least a higher price) for credit card purchases than cash.

“I had NO idea this was coming,” Rufus said.

Actually there are gas stations up and down I95, not just in Florida, that charge a surcharge (or at least a higher price) for credit card purchases than cash.

I’ve gotten caught a couple of times but generally I will not buy from those stores. And I usually tell them why. Now I find out that it wasn’t just a bad business practice. It was against the law.

The Interchange fee cost is already built into pretty much everyone’s pricing, from Amazon and American Airlines to Zoom Telephonics (remember them?) and Dr. Zelazo. If a company offers me a discount off the existing price for paying cash, I might take them up on it but if they try to hold me up for 4% more when they are already hiding that in their cost of doing business, I’ll take my bidness elsewhere.

Anyway, watch your charges.

Bringing the (Movie) Audience to Attention

Viacom had an exclusive deal to hype the raunchy R-Rated new comedy, Movie 43, starring Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, and Richard Gere (really). The movie opens today.

“Prepare for a motion picture experience that’s unforgivable!”

movie posterMovie 43 will riff up blacks, the blind, dwarves, high school boys, women, homeless, homeless women, and pretty much every other politically incorrect group except straight middle-class white guys.

Warning. Once you’ve seen this, you can’t unsee it.

Viacom, parent company of Comedy Central, MTV, BET and VH1, promotes its own Paramount Studios content vigorously in-house. I’m thinking they saw a nice tie-in to get paid to advertise a movie that stars (alphabetically) Elizabeth Banks, Kristen Bell, Halle Berry, Kate Bosworth, Gerard Butler, Josh Duhamel, Anna Faris, Richard Gere, Hugh Jackman, Justin Long, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Chloe Grace Moretz, Chris Pratt, Liev Schreiber, Seann William Scott, Emma Stone, Jason Sudeikis, Uma Thurman, Patrick Warburton, Naomi Watts, Kate Winslet, and more on all of their cable channels.

You may have seen the world premiere of the film’s PG trailer on Tosh.0. He gave his audience the first link for the real trailer (caution, YouTube will make you sign in to see it). That led to some 4 million views. Spike plastered the arena at a live mixed-martial arts fight with pictures. MTV is running a “Balls Out Uncensored Weekend Sweepstakes.”

But wait! There’s more!

Movie 43 is also advertising on hardcore porn sites including YouPorn, the popular but sort of XXX-rated YouTube.

It’s not the first time. Viacom’s Paramount Vantage unit paved the way with 2010’s Luke Wilson movie Middle Men. The ads then and now weren’t just those flashing banners to drag your attention away from the regular content. These commercials are full trailers and more.

YouPorn, the free pornographic video sharing website, is advertising supported. Launched in 2006, the Porn 2.0 (Web 2.0) site has become the most popular adult website on the internet and is one of the top 100 sites worldwide. The Top-100 include Facebook and Twitter, Tumblr and Google, and now perhaps the No Puffin Perspective. YouPorn consumes more than three terabytes of bandwidth daily.

Probably shouldn’t search for the trailer from the office although “searching for the trailer and this just, um, popped up” strikes me as a unique and fully excusable reason to visit a steamy site.

On the plus side, here’s a movie with no character and a potty load of brainless funnies. It’s very slick and wildly offensive. And it’s advertised on YouPorn. I think we have a winner.