Daily Archives: Sunday, July 11, 2010

Guest Post: George says This May Not Be Bloggable

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George Poleczech is a dooms-day survivalist. He believes the world will end December 23, 2014 — two years and two days beyond the end of the Mayan calendar because that is the day his Mexican barber swears is the number of years and days that the Mayan calendar is out of whack because the entire Mayan society got drunk and stayed drunk for 732 days back when record keeping was important before the Spaniards arrived and mucked things up.

George has a large stash of nonperishable foodstuffs put away for tough times, and 12-23-2014 is his red letter day for All Hell Breaking Loose. Heaven help us all if his barber is right.

Anyway, this is George’s culinary contribution to Survival in the 21st Century.

George writes:Today was experimental day at the Poleczech home, pretending that the S**t had hit the Fan, and that my bride and myself were having to stretch Peter’s underwear to feed Paul’s appetite. It was all just an experiment, so I could afford to be whimsical.

To underwrite this endeavor I took a can of Sam’s Club premium salmon and decided to make fried fritters with it — enough to feed a family of five for a full meal and then some. To do that, I needed a packet of ready-to-stir cornbread mix with directions plain to read on the side of the box. I chose Martha White because the print was large.

Fast forward: I mixed the cornbread according to the directions and added a 15 oz can of Sam’s premium salmon and stirred it in thoroughly. Then, I added the secret ingredient that I had learned some 65 years ago at the culinary feet of my dad, who was the real cook in the family. (Of course, the secret ingredient shall remain a secret). Without it, the fritters will come apart in the fry oil and turn into a messy, crumbly glob.

Then, I heated a skillet with about 1/3 inch of vegetable oil, and when it was smoky hot, I spooned in the first seven fritters and watched them sizzle to browny perfection. I performed this action thrice until I had 22 fried salmon fritters piled on a flat plate; and then I called Mrs George in to enjoy the first fruits. She was impressed.

Prior to our sitting down, she had opened a can of okra and tomatoes as an accompaniment to the tasty treats. What else could serve so well? Okra and tomatoes keep you regular.

But then the ultimate question arose. What for wine?

I mean, what kind of wine does one choose for salmon fritters and okra and tomatoes? Mrs George had the perfect choice. She chose a vintage Pouilly-Fuisse from Walmart ($2.97 a bottle). Perfect.

Me, I had a beer.

She chose to compliment the fish ingredient of her fritters with a gourmet tartar sauce, and I smeared mine with ketchup to enjoy the cornbread DNA of the mixture. To each his/her own.

Of the 22 fritters, we left 13 for snacks later on. We wiped out the okra and tomatoes.

As we sat and sipped the last drops from our wine glasses, Mrs George arched a provocative eyebrow, touched me beneath the table and demurely inquired what the secret ingredient was.

Did she really think I would give away such a vital secret on the veiled promise of passion’s pleasure? I told her to kiss off. No way was I going to give up the secret that had been passed down from father to son — from one millennium to another.

She left the table in a snit — leaving me to do the dishes and scrub the skillet.

So be it. Some secrets are worth scrubbing pots for.

Isn’t this an interesting message?

Attention Sympathizers!

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I had a dream. I can promise you that no pepperonis died in the making of my restless slumber.

Sympathizers, Listen up. I dreamed that Vermont has passed a law requiring Vermont cops to arrest Asian people they suspect of passing counterfeit money in Quick Stops. The Secret Service reports that producing or using illegal counterfeit money is a federal crime that carries a maximum sentence of death (life imprisonment is usually the maximum penalty).

The ACDL (Anti Counterfeiting Defamation League) has organized the first of a series of simultaneous marches in Montpelier and Burlington to protest the law; Sen. Bernard Sanders (I-Vermont) (no relation to the Colonel) has written the Justice Department to insist that they sue the state to block its enforcement law.

Sen. Sanders charged that the Vermont law “crossed a constitutional state line” and threatens to launch a “patchwork of state and local anti-counterfeiting policies throughout the country” banned when federal law usurped local authority. Further, Asian rights advocates say the law improperly targets Asians based solely on their race and ethnicity.

The hits just keep on coming. I dreamed that Florida has passed a law requiring cops to arrest black people they suspect of using stolen credit cards in Quick Stops. Illegal credit card fraud is a federal crime that carries a maximum sentence of death if you are black in the South (life imprisonment is usually the maximum penalty).

The ACDL has also organized the first of a series of simultaneous marches in Tallahassee, Miami, and Key West to protest the law; Sen. Sanders has written the Justice Department about this one, too, to insist that they sue Florida to block its enforcement law.

Sen. Sanders charged that the Florida law “crossed a constitutional state line” and threatens to launch a “patchwork of state and local anti-credit card fraud policies throughout the country” banned when federal law usurped local authority. Further, black rights advocates say the law improperly targets blacks based solely on their race and ethnicity.

Number 3. I dreamed that Arizona has passed a law requiring cops to card anyone they suspect of being in this country illegally. Illegal border crossing is a federal crime that carries a maximum sentence of death if you are an al Qaeda representative but $10-15/hour for life if you are Hispanic (a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world as long as it is Mexico is usually the maximum penalty).

The ACDL has also organized the first of a series of simultaneous marches in Phoenix and neighboring Scottsdale to protest the law; Sen. Sanders has written the Justice Department about this one, too, to insist that they sue Arizona to block its immigration law.

Sen. Sanders (busybody that he is — hey it’s my dream) charged that the Arizona law “crossed a constitutional state line” and threatens to launch a “patchwork of state and local anti-immigration policies throughout the country” banned when federal law usurped local authority. Further, Hispanic rights advocates say the law improperly targets Hispanics based solely on their race and ethnicity.

Attorney General Eric Holder said he wants to nip the state laws I dreamt up in the bud because they “contravene federal policy where it comes to enforcement.”

On Face the Nation this morning, General Holder called the ten unregistered Russian agents “illegals.” The FBI, he said, spent 10 years investigating them.

The Feds sent the Russians packing last week, something Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer says the Feds can’t seem to do with any other illegals.

If you see yourself in my dream examples, you might ask yourself WHY ON EARTH ANY AMERICAN CITIZEN WOULD CONDONE LAWBREAKING.

It is worth noting that the term “illegal” in a person’s description usually connotes “breaking a law.” And that’s no dream.