August 11. 2008 by Dick.

We need a loose cannon in politics now more than ever; it’s too bad today’s politicians shoot blanks.

In the first part of this series, we discovered that our current presidential candidates don’t have the answers.

For about 30 nanoseconds I thought I might vote for Ralph Nader. After all that’s a sure vote for Mickey Mouse or NOTA. Too bad the message sent with that vote is that Mr. Nader represents the change I want to see. That’s not my message so I retracted my Goofy vote last week.

Here’s the right message: officeholders have indeed changed. Officeholders have changed from peeps who want to do important stuff for us to peeps who want to do everything for us. Political party notwithstanding, politicians believe in their hearts of hearts that they know what you need waaaaaaay better than you know what you need. And they have fought each other to a standstill to give it to us. Read that again. It works on a lot of levels.

Sorry, folks. I know what I need and I know who can provide it.

I need less gummint. I need fewer laws. I need smaller taxes. And I need better roads.

Government has five basic responsibilities: establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence (sic), promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty. That’s it. That means the next president needs to teach the kids, build the roads, share knowledge and encourage growth, and keep other people from robbing or nuking us.

Deciding whether a former ballplayer took steroids may keep Senators McCain and Obama (mostly) out of trouble but it ain’t what we elected them for and it ought not be what gets either into higher office.

The senators—that would be the ones who eat at the public trough, not the former ballplayers—spend entirely too much time taking potshots at each other instead of working together to hit a home run for their constituents.

That would be thee and me.

Within the Presidential responsibilities, this campaign has just two issues: the economy and the price of gas. Do you really believe Senator McCain will lead us out of the economic doldrums? Do you really believe Senator Obama will do anything but give away some of the oil we already have? I found a candidate who says she can fix it.

I love Paris in the springtime.
I love Paris in the fall.
I love Paris in the winter when it drizzles,
I love Paris in the summer when it sizzles.
I love Paris every moment,
Every moment of the year.

Sorry, Mr. Porter.

For those who live on another planet, Senator McCain took a cheap shot at Senator Obama and put Paris Hilton in play. Ms. Hilton responded with an energy policy video that makes more sense than anything either candidate has said.

The next president needs to teach the kids, build the roads, share knowledge and encourage growth, and keep other people from robbing or nuking us. Apparently, only a loose cannon can do that.

If Ms. Hilton gives us a 30-second lesson in economics, I’ll endorse her. She could be just the loose cannon we need.

In the upcoming episode of this series about the ballistic properties of ballplayers, I will explain the Democratic shortfall.

Posted in Politics, Big Thoughts, Random Access | 1 Comment »

August 4. 2008 by Dick.

This column looks at media spin.

First, the backstory: ExxonMobil, the most profitable company in the history of mankind, made an $11.68 billion profit this quarter on the back of General Motors which lost $15.5 billion.

“America’s oil and natural gas industry earns less than many others…” That’s the televised gospel according to “the people who bring you oil and natural gas” (that would be API, the American Petroleum Institute).

Hello? Are they on the same planet you and I inhabit?

Oh. Wait.

The API planet spins backwards!

Naturally they do have statistics to back up their claim, shown in their television ad in the form of a handy bar chart of earnings per dollar of sales in the First Quarter, 2008:

Pharmaceuticals 25.9
Beverage and Tobacco 17.8
Computer Products 13.7
All Manufacturing 7.6
Apparel and Leather 7.5
Oil and Natural Gas 7.4
Food 5.0
Furniture 3.0

[In the interest of full disclosure, I own some ExxonMobil stock.]

CEO Rex Tillerson announced that my company is, out of the largest profit in corporate history, paying one of the smaller dividends (~2%) in corporate history. On the other hand, Mr. Tillerson buys back shares like mine with all their extra cash and raised my dividend a whopping nickle while the investment he makes in production and exploration plummets.

That stock buyback at about $80 per share sucked up some $8 billion of the quarterly profit. They bought $30 billion in stock last year and have (so far) reduced the number of shares outstanding by about 400 million shares. I can see no reason that it helps me when Mr. Tillerson takes the stock out of play. It helps someone, though. At the current rate, ExxonMobil will buy back all of its shares and become a totally private company in just 14 more years.

Huh.

Just to show I am not playing favorites, Royal Dutch Shell’s second-quarter earnings were nearly as high as Exxon’s with a profit of $11.56 billion. That was 33% higher than Shell’s profit of $8.67 billion in the same period last year. Shell is half the size of Exxon.

Wow. $11.68 plus $11.56 billion in three months. Profit. Just two companies.

Profit that usually goes to the shareholders.

API states it is the only national trade association that represents all aspects of America’s oil and natural gas industry. Their 400 corporate members are the producers, refiners, suppliers, pipeline operators and marine transporters, as well as service and supply companies. They represent the largest major oil company to the smallest of independents. They spin the news for companies like ExxonMobil, Royal Dutch Shell, Chevron, and more. By the way, Royal Dutch Shell has a stock buyback program. Chevron has a stock buyback program.

ExxonMobil did beat its own record for the highest profits ever by a U.S. company but the $2.22-per-share profit announced still led to a $3 decline in the share price.

I originally thought that Mr. Tillerson might have wished API had not spun the profit as such a small number.

That wasn’t right.

Mr. Tillerson, unlike every CEO in American history, wants his stock price to fall. The lower the price and higher the profits the more stock ExxonMobil can buy back.

See how well spinning backwards can work?

Posted in Business, Media, Grumpery, Random Access | No Comments »

July 28. 2008 by Dick.

We need a loose cannon in politics now more than ever but we’ve been growing little water pistols and arming them with blanks.

Lee Iacocca’s 2007 book, Where Have All the Leaders Gone, finally made it to Vermont. OK, some excerpts did, thanks to my friend “Bob” who wrote, “Iacocca has for decades been one of my heroes (even if he IS a democrat!)…”

Am I the only guy in this country who’s fed up with what’s happening? Where the hell is our outrage? We should be screaming bloody murder. We’ve got a gang of clueless bozos steering our ship of state right over a cliff, we’ve got corporate gangsters stealing us blind, and we can’t even clean up after a hurricane much less build a hybrid car. But instead of getting mad, everyone sits around and nods their heads when the politicians say, “Stay the course.”

Stay the course? You’ve got to be kidding. This is America, not the damned Titanic. I’ll give you a sound bite: “Throw all the bums out!”

The Leadership Blog wants to see Michael Moore and Mr. Iacocca “collaborate to turn this book into a movie.”

<shudder >

“Bob” wrote, “Don’t really see any answers here, though…”

And that’s the trouble with a “challenge.”

It interests me that T. Boone Pickens and Al Gore have both gone to television advertising to sell their quests, but Mr. Iacocca stayed with a book.

I’m afraid television is the wave of the future for idea generators–particularly if the idea is a bad one or a heavily politicized one. Marketing ideas is not the problem. We’ve used the media to sell ideas to the public for as long as there has been a media. In the early days, people wrote pamphlets (Thomas Paine) or owned a newspaper (Ben Franklin). The difference between then and now is that the Paines and Franklins rallied the proletariat and then went out and led them. Nowadays, the Gores and Pickenses rally the proletariat and whine about the politicians rather than implementing their so-called bright ideas theirownselfs.

The Obama camp makes the “change” noises, and the McCain camp makes the “stay the course” noises. For the record, Senator Obama has the water pistol and Senator McCain the blanks.

Throw da bums out.

For 30 nanoseconds I thought I might join Deck and vote for Ralph Nader. After all that’s a sure vote for Mickey Mouse or NOTA. Too bad the messages sent with that vote is that Mr. Nader represents the change I want to see. That’s not my message.

I have retracted the Goofy vote.

Yeah, I know. I could vote the Librarian party. Unfortunately, they are all whackos who keep trying to shush me.

Wot to do, wot to do. Next up, I will have at least a half-a-suggestion but right now I have desk butt and it’s time to go play with my tractor.

Posted in Politics, Big Thoughts, Random Access | 1 Comment »