What? The World Isn’t Flat?

I have a phrenology bust.

German physician and research scientist Franz Joseph Gall theorized that the brain is the source of all mental activity. He was the first to measure shape of the skull scientifically to determine how its bumps indicate character.

Enos Barnard, a learned man, inventor, dairy farmer, and my great-grandfather, was widely read and very forward thinking. He insisted that my great-grandmother attend Swarthmore College before they married. He developed a cooling system for cream separation. And he believed as Gall showed that, through careful observation and extensive experimentation, the high spots at specific areas on the skull tied to the locations of faculties in the brain. The popular phrenology busts were topographical maps of the skull used to measure character scientifically.

It is an interesting curiosity; I collect curiosities.


Rooted originally in Ancient Egypt, alchemy is the system of transmuting metals. Alchemists invented distillation, made glass, mortar, paint, and cosmetics, and then decided they could turn base metals into gold. This science — well supported by empirical evidence of materials changed by the alchemists — was universally accepted into the Middle Ages. Believers had faith in alchemy.

Geocentricity was all the rage in the scientific establishment until Pope Urban VIII (the last pope to expand the papal territory by force of arms) jailed Galileo in the 17th Century for debunking the scientific theory that the earth is the center of the Universe and that all other objects move around it. The view — well supported by empirical evidence that the sun, stars, and planets appear to revolve around Earth — was universally accepted in ancient Greece and in ancient China. (Belief in a flat earth was gone by the third century BC, despite claims by the modern Flat Earth Society). Believers had faith in geocentricity.

30 years after Galileo died, German physicist Johann Joachim Becher theorized the existence of Phlogiston. The view — well supported by empirical evidence — showed that a fire died out when the phlogiston saturated the air. This is the earliest known example of anthropogenic effects on the atmosphere. Believers had faith in the existence of the classical elements.

The Bible (and other historical records) show that God made man from dust. Science embraced Spontaneous Generation as well supported by empirical evidence of the elemental nature of the universe. Anaximander wrote that the first humans had been born spontaneously from the soil as adults. Aristotle wrote that some animals grow spontaneously rather than from other animals. Jan Baptist van Helmont wrote a recipe for making a mouse from wheat and soiled cloth. Believers had faith in equivocal generation. Louis Pasteur’s discovery of biogenesis debunked spontaneous generation in 1859.

University of Vermont professor of zoology Henry F. Perkins began teaching eugenics in his heredity course in 1921. His “Vermont Eugenics Survey” of 1925 His view — well supported by his empirical evidence of heredity in human affairs — led directly to the Vermont sterilization law of 1931. The 253 sterilizations performed on poor, rural Vermonters as well as Abenaki Indians, French-Canadians and others deemed unfit to have children in Vermont ranked this small state 25th in the nation. Believers had faith in eugenics. Earlier this month, the Vermont Assembly took testimony on a non-binding resolution to express regret about the eugenics movement.

The science of Astrology has shown through extensive experimentation that the positions of celestial bodies influences, divines, or predicts personality, human activities, and other terrestrial matters. That view — well supported by empirical evidence linking human action to star location — has spawned traditions and applications from the third millennium BC to the present. Believers have faith in astrology. Although the scientific community has demonstrated that astrological predictions have no statistical significance, millions of Americans trust it.

Early climatologists theorized that human settlement caused a permanent increase in rainfall (“Rain follows the Plow”). In the 19th century Americans settled the Great American Desert (now called the High Plains), the Southwestern Desert (now called Arizona), and parts of South Australia (now called South Australia). Modern climatologists theorized that human settlement caused a permanent increase in global temperature they called Global Warming. Believers have faith in man-made Global Warming. Although the scientific community has demonstrated that the predictions of human change driving atmospheric change made by this political science are flawed, millions of Americans still trust it.


Curiosities.

Once upon a time all the evidence showed each was a universal truth. Believers had faith. That’s a problem when laymen come to science to find universal truth. Science gives us a way to compare what we think (our hypotheses) to what we know (the results of our experiments). A real scientist develops a theory from what he thinks and what he sees. That theory will change as new data comes to light. True scientists understand this need for change but it is hard for laymen to give up their hopes.

My great-grandfather may have given up the busted religion of phrenology but he kept the bust.

Biologist Ludwik Fleck warned us that witnesses see what they expect to see, notwithstanding facts that contradict them nor what impartial observers measure. As Thomas Cardinal Wolsey wrote, “Be very, very careful what you put into that head, because you will never, ever get it out.”

Now that’s still true.

Change We Can Believe In!

The ups and downs of the decade. We made a bunch of great closeout deals but this column has room for only a few. Here are the top nine of 2009:

The downside: We may not have changed many of the Old Guard of pols but we surely did change how they do business inside the Beltway. They no longer throw billions of We the OverTaxedPeople’s dollars at problems.
The upside: Now they throw trillions.

Hoo wee. That’s change we can believe in!


The downside: President Obama (praise be his name) stole General Motors from its rightful owners (that would be small stockholders like thee and me) and put Ed “I Came from the Phone Company So I Don’t Know Anything about Cars” Whitacre in charge.
The upside: Thanks to the soybean lobby, your new Chevy Condescension will be the first model to come with tofubags instead of the dangerous and expensive airbags as well as the new OnStar-by-AT&T. Rumors that OnStar service will also be available on your iPhone have not proven out.


The downside: Democrats were appalled when President Obama nominated Senator Judd Gregg, R-NH, as his Secretary of Commerce. The U.S. Department of Commerce fosters, promotes, and develops business and industry. Democrats called Senator Gregg “too pro-business.”
The upside: Caroline Cartwright of Great Britain was arrested for noise levels that ranged between 30 and 40 decibels, with some squeaks “being 47 decibels” during sex. Bird calls are generally 44 dB.


The downside: Congress passed without reading a $787 billion “stimulus package” that, instead of stimulating We the OverTaxedPeople who provided the money, all went for swine flu shots to bankers. Vermont had a looming two hundred million dollar budget deficit so the Democratically controlled legislature there decided to spend three hundred million dollars of its portion of that G.R.A.F.T. Act windfall to “stabilize” its budget. Since that wasn’t enough, the Democratically controlled legislature also raised taxes by $24 million dollars in order to make up for the revenue shortfall.
The upside: The Nobel Committee awarded the Peace Prize posthumously to Michael Jackson.


The downside: The Environmental Protection Agency ruled that political science trumps actual science as a danger to human health and to the environment.
The upside: Millions of people flocked to Al Gore’s house in the Belle Meade neighborhood of Nashville where his Christmas decorationsand the upturned smiling faces were photographed from the International Space Station.


The downside: Just two years ago, world leaders of 193 countries pledged to reverse the course of climate change in Denmark this year. When the hot air cleared in Copenhagen this month, there were two inches of snow on the ground, two pounds of faked “global warming” emails, and $200 billion dollars in a Global Relief fund. Guess who they want to pick up the tab?
The upside: Each world leader flew to Denmark in one or more private airliners thus reducing the worldwide surplus of Jet A and Jet A-1 petroleum-based fuels.


The downside: In a strange coincidence, the International Olympic Committee also meeting in Copenhagen voted not to award the 2016 Summer Olympics to Chicago for fear that a fire in former Governor Rod Blagojevich’s hair might undermine the new “pay to play” Olympic game category.
The upside: The one billion dollar Cash for Clunkers program which cost three billion dollars left an estimated 643,000 1974 Ford Pintos on Illinois and Michigan highways as entry level vehicles for migrant farmers and high school students.


The downside: The Environmental Protection Agency said it will increase the percentage of ethanol in gasoline to 15% by next June. Ethanol producers and most newspapers say the higher blends will increase fuel economy, create more jobs in the industry, and increase government payments to ethanol producers by $787 billion.
The upside: The Social Security Administration announced that since Congress will lock fuel prices at $4.599 per gallon through 2012, the Cost of Living Adjustment (COLA) can remain fixed at 0% for the same period.


The downside: The U.S. economy has shed 15.4 million or more jobs including those once held by Rufus, Biff, and my wife, Anne.
The upside: The $787 billion “stimulus package” has created an estimated 643,000 brand new jobs (roughly identical to the number of saved 1974 Ford Pintos). All the new employees are dedicated to maintaining the White House website that tracks new jobs.

We have, as a nation, spent the entire decade unwilling to learn from our mistakes. Change We Can Believe In! certainly changed all of that and we are this >||< close to ObamaCare to prove it.

You can’t make this stuff up. Happy New Decade, everyone!

Don’t Rust!

WASHINGTON, D.C. (December 9, 2009) — Senate majority leader Harry Reid (D-NV) announced the definitive solution to Global Warming today.

The Environmental Protection Agency on Monday issued a final ruling that, in addition to methane, carbon dioxide also poses a significant danger to human health and to the environment.

E.P.A. administrator Lisa P. Jackson said that the 2007 Supreme Court decision required the agency to regulate CO2 as well as methane. The E.P.A. plans to limit emissions from human sources, all cars and trucks, power plants, refineries, cement plants and other big factories, and large farms. It appears that locomotives, trolley cars, cruise ships, and government aircraft may remain exempt.

Senator Reid says he has a better idea that does not involve pedal cabs.

“We’re going to galvanize everything that doesn’t move,” Senator Reid said. “Not only will it suck all the CO2 out of the atmosphere, it will ensure that nothing made in America ever corrodes again.”

Hot dip galvanizing is a metallurgical process that coats steel or iron with zinc to prevent rusting and other corrosion of the ferrous products. It has been in use for more than 150 years.

Galvanizing protection builds over time by a mechanism where the zinc first oxidizes. Then oxide absorbs water and becomes zinc hydroxide. The zinc hydroxide absorbs CO2 from the air. That forms a dense, impervious coating of zinc carbonate. If it were lime, we would call it “slaking.”

“It pulls carbon dioxide straight out of the air,” Senator Reid said. “What could be better or more useful today?”

I love science. Or I did before it became poli-sci.


Of course, Rust Never Sleeps™ even with galvanized steel; rusting is inevitable, especially in U.S. regions plagued with acid rainfall.

Rufus wants me to point out what sucking the life out of the atmosphere has done to companies in the Rust Belt but that is a subject for another day.

Don’t Fart!

WASHINGTON, D.C. (December 7, 2009) — The Environmental Protection Agency on Monday issued a final ruling that methane poses a danger to human health and to the environment.

E.P.A. administrator Lisa P. Jackson announced that the 2007 Supreme Court decision required the agency to regulate methane because it threatens human health and welfare.

The E.P.A. website states that “Methane (CH4) is a greenhouse gas that … is over 20 times more effective in trapping heat in the atmosphere than carbon dioxide (CO2) over a 100-year period and is emitted from a variety of natural and human-influenced sources.” The primary human-influenced source is flatulence, Ms. Jackson said.

There are also high levels of antimony tri-oxide in flatulence (it provides some flame retardance against afterburner ignition) in human-sourced methane.

In her prepared remarks, Ms. Jackson reported on the Methane to Markets Partnership. “It is intended to reduce global methane emissions, with a focus on cost-effective, near-term methane recovery from colorectal sources primarily in the United States,” she said. “A healthy individual releases 3.5 oz. of gas in a single flatulent emission, or more than a pint every single day.”

Beginning in early-2013, the E.P.A. will phase in a program to capture all human-sourced methane at each originator. “Our research shows it is far more effective to issue each citizen with an individual, belt- or shoulder-mounted, man-portable collection and storage tank (MOST).” The program will begin in ten large urban areas including New York City, Los Angeles, and Orlando in the first two years, then fan out across the country.

“My Agency is working with three prime contractors to produce prototypes now,” Ms. Jackson said. Recycling centers will be tasked to retrieve the MOSTs for emptying and return to other users.

Industry groups have criticized the decision, saying that the regulation of the near-ubiquitous methane, will be technically challenging, legally complex, and will impose huge costs on an already challenged economy.

“The fake-leaked British climate research group e-mail messages have stirred doubts among a number of people about the integrity of some climate science,” Ms. Jackson said, “but we have serious research to back up the methane regulations we are announcing today.”