A (Baker’s) Dozen Reasons to be Left

As Paul Dirac almost said, In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in political science, it’s the exact opposite.

“So-called ‘Liberals’ want to shove their one true enlightenment down your throat and mine,” Rufus told me.

I can’t speak for the Left so I asked my friend Fanny Guay to feed me the dozen or so most important concepts in her ideological world. I’ve known Ms. Guay for nearly 50 years. I can say that not because I’m far enough away to drop the age word safely but because she is proud of her experiential learning. She was a second generation member of Helen and Scott Nearing’s back-to-the-land movement in Vermont. The Nearings bought an old farm house and built a simple, self-sufficient lifestyle here, far from big government and rampant consumerism. Their descendants are now the power brokers and consumers of Montpelier.

“I will, as long as I can be earnest in my comments,” she said.

Sure. And I’ll be frank in my response. So here we go. Ms. Guay will supply the definitions. I’ll translate back into English as we go.

Today’s liberalism developed in large part from the progressive thinking, she wrote. We hold that the state must supply needy individuals with their most basic needs if they are unable to fend for themselves. We created the policies of government intervention in the economy, the creation of social welfare, the safeguarding of science, and protection of human rights. We teach that in the schools, implement it in the courts and in war, and guide and finance it through taxation. Some of our ideas were first incorporated in the New Deal.

Translation: American Liberals rejected the Divine Right of Kings in favor of the Divine Right of the State.

1. Mores, the law, and even the constitution are “alive.”

Translation: There are no absolute facts, only what our common agreement proclaims as truth. In other words, the end justifies the means.

2. People are inherently good but when they go astray, we can change them back by reasoning with them.

Translation: Laura Silsby, Mahmoud Imadinnerjacket, and even Glenn Beck, listen to reason and will change whenever the reasoning is liberal.

3. People are inherently good but when they go astray and reason doesn’t work, we can change them back with legislation.

Translation: If you fall from the path of true belief, we will tax you until you return. If that doesn’t work, we will regulate you back. If that doesn’t work, we will jail you.

4. The best way to help the poor is to tax those who can afford it. It counters all understanding that anyone could think otherwise.

Translation: We need to give away our financial future and our means of productivity. We will take fish from the fishermen to give to those who do not fish instead of teaching those who do not fish how to fish for themselves.

5. We need to pay more taxes to afford to lift our neighbors up by their bootstraps.

Translation. YOU don’t pay enough taxes to fund all the things I want to spend money on.

6. We value holistic education and assure that every child in school is treated well and passes every grade with his or her peers.

Translation: Today’s “educators” promote empathy over science because feelings are more important than the data that shows American schoolchildren are falling behind in every international measure.

7. Because we give everyone’s opinion equal weight, we are the most culturally advanced.

Translation: Our fellow travelers are always right because we can change our ways to accommodate their point of view; anyone who disagrees with us is at best misguided and at worst a threat to our way of life.

8. I do not believe we have enemies. We have people who do not trust us. We just need to learn everyone’s point of view to find why they do not trust us.

Translation: We could be wrong and, since they hate us they must have a reason. Perhaps we should change our ways to accommodate their point of view.

9. We must stop trying to bully the world to force everyone else to adopt our way of life.

Translation: The fact that we developed public education, built the world economy, support the world with our farms, perfected “labor saving” tools, and put a man on the moon is a bad thing and we must apologize for all of it. The Apologetic President, Mr Obama apologized to the Special Olympics, apologized to the Muslims, apologized to the Cambridge police officer, apologized to the UN, apologized to Europe, apologized to “Sin City,” all to make up for those transgressions. He apologizes in a major speech about once a month.

10. I do not trust our doctors and scientists to get important health issues like vaccinations right.

Translation: I completely trust all the doctors and scientists who match our common perception but not the ones who contradict my deeply rooted beliefs.

11. We are the world stewards. For example, we know that we have to fix Global Climate Change in our lifetime or our planet will be ruined.

Translation: Once upon a time, we called it Global Warming. Since the political scientists (the very same scientists who determined that Carbon Dioxide threatens human health and welfare and are always right) changed the name, no right-thinking Far Greenie calls it “Global Warming” anymore.

12. Our government moves fast, eliminates waste, and wipes out fraud.

Right. Translation: With our guys in charge, government will never again be so slow, wasteful, and criminal as it was with the other guys in charge. [Editorial note: There has never been a candidate who didn’t promise to root out sloth, waste, and chicanery nor a politician who didn’t see them rise on his watch.]

13. All knowledge should be free.

Translation: We must give away our country’s hard-earned intellectual property.

Ronald Reagan said, “The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they’re ignorant; it’s just that they know so much that isn’t so.” That and the fact that they haven’t yet been mugged by the reality that, sooner or later, Other People’s Money runs out.

3 thoughts on “A (Baker’s) Dozen Reasons to be Left

  1. Dick, this is probably the best thing you have ever plagerized (even if I can’t spell it).

    Seriousy, I enjoyed it muchly. Thank you very much for doing it.

    — George

  2. This is making the email rounds again. It seems appropriate:

    I voted Democrat because I love the fact that I can now
    marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my horse.

    I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies’
    profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the
    government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.

    I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a
    better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

    I voted Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long
    as nobody is offended by it.

    I voted Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust
    that the bad guys will stop what they’re doing because
    they now think we’re good people.

    I voted Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to
    own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to
    protect me from murderers and thieves.

    I voted Democrat because I believe that people who
    can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that
    the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I
    don’t start driving a Prius.

    I voted Democrat because I’m not concerned about the
    slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death
    row inmates alive.

    I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not
    be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to
    break even and give the rest away to the government for
    redistribution as THEY see fit.

    I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to
    rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe
    kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

    “The problem with Socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money.” – Margaret Thatcher

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