Premte Peeves

Amongst my mail today is a PERSONAL AND CONFIDENTIAL notification on a car registration-style security mailer that tells me “Your mortgage originally funded with Marine Bk/fl Keys in the amount of $185,000 can be restructured to a new payment of only $965. Came from zip code 92677 as metered, presorted standard United States Mail. With an eagle and everything.

Now, I know this is a scam because I’ve never had a mortgage originally funded with Marine Bk/fl Keys in the amount of $185,000 or in any other amount. In fact, I’ve never even done business with Marine Bk/fl Keys or even with Marine Bank-Florida Keys. And I don’t have a mortgage. Turns out that, in very small letters at the bottom of the page,

St Fin Corp dba Star Financial is not sponsored by, affiliated with, information was not provided by, nor was this solicitations authorized by Marine Bk/fl Keys.

Hey, at least they got the Nigerian English down properly.