Only the Best F@%king News

Knowing that no sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon, I shall be mercifully brief.

Calling your debate opponent a fuckwit shows two things: the caller has none of the latter and has no facts to argue.

My friend Rufus got sucked into one of the long running Internet arguments about something-or-other political. Doesn’t matter what.

Rufus has some faults. One is his belief that opinion laced with some facts is news. I know better than that. I write opinion laced with fact. I may be a journalist but I don’t write news. I may even break a story now and then but I don’t write news. On the broadcast front, Glenn Beck does opinion laced with some facts but he doesn’t do news. Jon Stewart does comedy laced with some facts but he doesn’t do news.

Rufus can be a little long winded at times. Rufus ‘splains everything. In detail. With supporting evidence. And twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was. He believes facts win debates.

He was ‘splainin’ stuff pretty well in this Internet debate until he dropped this bombshell at the beginning of a post: “If you listened to what Glen Beck actually SAID instead of just freaking out over him, you would understand that …”


You know what comes next, don’t you?

Me, too. Replicator-827 answered with civility and aplomb, “I don’t listen to ANYTHING that asshole says, and if YOU do, that says all I need to know about you.”


Round over. You lose. Thanks for playing. Please visit our consolation prize department. It’s right behind that door marked “Egress.”

Of course, on his way out the door, the other great debater, the person who included the epithets Charlie Daniels, Cletus, “forced-birther,” invisible sky fairy, NASCAR, and “white trash,” turned around to say, “Do the world a favor and kill yourself.”


Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
–Mark Twain

5 thoughts on “Only the Best F@%king News

  1. This story has a sad ending. Replicator-827 is a young guy; he’s the one I have to trust to pay my Social Security and ObamaCare.

  2. Not clear: is Charlie Daniels actually going to kill himself at a NASCAR event while someone gives forceful birth, or is that simply an opinion?

  3. No one should be forced to give birth, and that’s why I am pro abolition. My mother, however, believed in abolition, and that’s why both me and my brother enjoy *only child* status. We get all kinds of tax breaks and freebies from the government.

    I am grieved to hear of Charlie Daniels’ impending suicide. I loved him on Monday Night Football, and he could have carried on his family’s tradition for distilling the best sour mash in Tennessee. The good die young, and you can quote me on that.

    But who gives a F@%k, because all have sinned and comes short of the Glory of God. (note upper case)

    Of course, that’s only an opinion, and young, white trash Scotch drinkers between the ages of 20 and 41 may disagree — after they pay for mine and Dicks’s social security, as well as my next prostate palpation and Dick’s lobotomy.

    In retrospect, I take back all I have said because I don’t have any facts to back it up.

    — George

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