Gone Fishin’ (Part I)

Missy and Biff brought their friend Marlin along when they visited South Puffin in April. Marlin is still here. Missy wears a lot of makeup and loves her bling. I think Marlin is responsible for her belief that the gold and sparkles she wears attract fish. And, Missy does love to fish.

Marlin, despite his name, does not. He may have spoofed Missy a little with the bling story. See, Marlin is a little … otherworldly. Missy’s shadowy friend won’t tell us exactly what he does besides “fixing things.” He seems to make a living either ferreting out information about people or living with friends. I’m not sure which. He is scarily good at both.

“You saw we just charged Walter and Gwen Myers with spying for Cuba, right?” Marlin asked.

Walter Kendall Myers worked for the State Department where he had access to highly sensitive material. The State Department put him on a “watch list” in 1995, but the watchers “either forgot about them or couldn’t pick up the trail,” Marlin said. “That’s when they brought me in.”

Marlin is about the size of a pro football offensive linesman. He is buff, nearly hairless, has a permanent tan, and takes up a lot of space in my little house. He says he has neither played ball nor danced ballet. I have not figured out how he vanishes for days at a time, then reappears in the guest room without ever disturbing the door locks. Sometimes I know he is here only because the refrigerator is suddenly empty.

“They were true believers which just makes it so hard for ordinary investigators to pick up their trail,” he said. “Walt told me they fed intelligence to Cuba for more than 30 years.

“I’m glad I caught them but, despite all my powers, I can’t do anything about the real rats.”

Walter and Gwendolyn Myers will undoubtedly become the subjects of Congressional hearings. “They’ll be another great diversion while your Barney Rubble robs us blind, the Administration emasculates the American automobile manufacturers, and pulls all the revenues for your medical care into the U.S. treasury,” Marlin said.

Anne reminded him that she took a 40% pay cut last fall when her job shrank to part time.

“Did you know that U..S. Congressional staff received $9.1 million in bonuses?” Marlin said. “That Congressmen awarded themselves $2.5 million in ‘automatic’ pay raises?”

Speaking of the great congressional giveaway, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac will pay in retention bonuses over the next 18-months. That’s $45 million or so more than the storied AIG bonuses. I guess we need to keep the people who caused the banking crisis to fix it.

Our political leaders just nationalized the auto industry and gave nearly a trillion dollars to campaign contributors in the big banks and insurance companies but, by golly, Marlin caught ’em a couple of low level true believers and the politicians are as proud as mutts with a prairie dog.

“What do you call those who steal, then give away the entire country?” Marlin asked. I don’t think he was talking about Walt and Gwen.

Answer next week.